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Monthly Archives: March 2008
Kick Me in the Nuts, Please!
A Canadian man was recently sentenced to 60 days of jail time, though it’s hard to detect a crime in his actions, other than the crime of being a complete and total wackjob.
All he did, on seven occasions over a couple of months, was to ask random women in a park if they wouldn’t mind kicking him repeatedly in the testicles.
Why?
Because he was curious, of course!
One of the women, afraid of what the man might do if she refused, kicked him repeatedly.
Jarrett Loft, an Oshawa native who moved to Guelph several years ago, thanked her and left on his bike.
Coady said Loft told her he developed a “curiosity” after looking at various pornographic websites. She said she had spoken to a counsellor who assessed the man and believed his conduct was a result of curiosity rather than a mental health issue.
You’re supposed to get curious about astronomy or genealogy — who the hell suddenly becomes curious about how a kick in the junk feels? Man, there’s something wrong with people.
Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?
A reporter recently asked John McCain a fairly straightforward question, one that most 9-year-olds know the answer to, and McCain gave a response that pretty much confirms people’s fears that a McCain presidency would be a four-year-continuation of the Bush Administration:
Q: Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) You’ve stumped me.
Q: I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?
Mr. McCain: (Laughs) Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.
I don’t know which is worse: 1) That he apparently doesn’t know that the use of condoms reduces the risk of AIDs; 2) That he doesn’t remember if he’s ever taken a position on the issue; or 3) That his fallback position is apparently whatever George Bush says.
The Daily Memo - 3/31/08
“Get Elected or Lie Trying.” (The Huffington Post)
The Daily Kos is digging through old Clinton tax returns, since Hillary has yet to release her most recent returns. (Daily Kos)
Jack Klugman is suing NBC Universal over profits from “Quincy, M.E.” because … that show still makes mad money? (TV Squad)
DC Comics is maybe feeling a little less Super right about now. (The NY Times via Neil Gaiman’s Journal)
MA Congressman Barney Frank is planning to introduce legislation limiting the Fed’s ability to arrest pot users. Good luck with that one, Barney. (LAist)
California has softened its auto emissions requirements. (FindLaw)
The GeekLawyer has had it “with the bing drinking bollocks.” (GeekLawyer
Sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. But if they do, you’re not getting any punitive damages. (Law.com)
That should be “may it please the court to kiss my ass one more time”
Last week, Above the Law anointed Julio Mora its Pro Se Litigant of the Day, and Mr. Mora has fully earned that award. He was recently sanctioned by the Florida Supreme Court over a pleading he filed with the court, a pleading he called: “Petition to Inhibit Jurisdiction from this Very Supreme Court of Injustice.” In this petition, Mora claimed that the Court was “a pack of incompetent cowards, without balls, testicles, courage or valor.” Then he went on this wonderful tirade, urging the Court to:
“[T]ake this case and the ultimate decision, if ever, and please shovel it to the chief justice and every other justice’s asshole, in order to have a common place to store the justices’ crap, together with the justice crap from their’s mind, properly disposed through the sewer system, in order to prevent the contaminants to reach the citizen of Florida, and also kiss Julio Mora’s the idiot seeking justice, kiss his asshole every time the justice will retire going to their den…. Please kiss my ass one more time.”
At least he said “please.” But those sticklers in the Florida Supreme Court weren’t amused, and said the court would no longer accept Mora’s pro se filings, and that anything he wanted to file would have to be signed by a Florida attorney. Too bad Jack Thompson has also been so sanctioned, cause I bet he’d sign Mora’s filings in a heartbeat.
They’re Not Saying “Boooo!” They’re Saying “Buuuuush”
Starbucks to the court: would like a grande “fuck you” or a venti “fuck you”
Last week, a Cali court said that Starbucks had to pay a hefty $100 million because shift supervisors were taking a cut of employee tips, violating a California law prohibiting managers and supervisors from taking money from tip jars. The court also issued an injunction prohibiting shift supervisors from continuing to take tips.
Starbucks has now issued a statement telling the court to fuck off. It says that its shift supervisors have no managerial authority and therefore don’t fall under the California law, even though the court found otherwise. So not only will it not pay the judgment, but it won’t tell its shift supervisors to stop taking tips.
Yeah, that’s not just a venti “fuck you,” but a triple venti soy “fuck you” with room for cream.
Uhm … ouch
Mandi Hamlin is a bit pissed off with the Transportation Security Administration. Last month, while trying to catch a flight from Lubbock, Texas to Dallas-Forth Worth, Hamlin was selected for additional screening. When the TSA officer waved his magic wand over across her chest, Hamlin’s nipple rings sent the wand a-buzzing. The officer called another officer over, and then they called some more, and eventually everyone decided that Hamlin would have to remove the rings. Hamlin tried to explain that this wasn’t a great option for her since it can be painful to remove nipple rings and the piercing can close up shortly after the rings are out, making it even more painful to get them back in.
Hamlin offered to show them her nipple rings to show that she wasn’t smuggling anything elicit. The officers declined this request, and insisted that she take them out. So Hamlin went behind a curtain to take them out, but had to request pliers (!) to get them out, because of the difficulty she was having in removing them.
Another scan, after she had finally removed the nipple rings, buzzed again because of her naval ring, but the officers said she didn’t need to remove that since they could see it. Which makes it especially ridiculous that they weren’t willing to simply do a visual inspection of her nipple rings. Plus, the TSA guidelines allow for officers to do pat-downs, and Hamlin says she would’ve let someone give her a grope if it could’ve avoided having to remove the rings. All of which is why Hamlin and her lawyer, Gloria Allred, now want a public apology from the TSA. If no apology is given, Allred says that Hamlin will consider her other legal options (and the safe bet is certainly on an ensuing lawsuit).
The TSA has published a statement on its website noting that its procedures have caused some trouble and that the agency will now make it clear that a visual inspection can avoid the need to remove piercings. The statement also notes that the TSA “appreciates” Hamlin bringing this issue to the forefront, but there’s nary an apology to be seen.
You know, there are just so many breast jokes to be had here, but I’m going to take the high road. Don’t expect this to become a regular tradition, however. I just hate the damn TSA and their stupid administration of “security” and don’t want to belittle the whole thing with titty jokes.
He also forgot to ask the kid why he’s such a pussy
In Fayetteville, Arkansas, the story of little Billy Wolfe has caught some national attention. Billy and his mom have filed a lawsuit over the years of bullying Billy has suffered. But they’re not suing the school or the city — instead, they’re suing the other kids, the bullies themselves.
Now first of all, come on. I can understand suing the school district if it’s not doing the things it’s supposed to do to protect the kids. But suing another kid for being an asshole bully? I mean, I could’ve filed three or four of those lawsuits when I was in school, but what good would’ve come of that? In fact, I just would’ve gotten my ass kicked more.
Second of all, I saw an interview on CNN with the 16-year-old Billy Wolfe last week, and was shocked that the interviewer didn’t ask the most pertinent question: “Billy, why don’t you just Daniel LaRusso it, and find a Mr. Miyagi-type to teach you the wax-on, wax-off?”
Hands Down, the Best Video of the Campaign
Just as political video fatigue had begun to set in, QL pal Beckyloo found this gem. It starts out amusing and slowly unfolds like a flower in the springtime, then it sprays its guffaw spittle all over your fucking face. It is haunting comedy, comedy that haunts.
It’s genius, folks. Pure fucking genius.
But Bigfoot Made Me Do It!
A 57-year-old New Hampshire man, Gene Morrill, pleaded guilty this week to 20 charges stemming from his efforts to solicit sex from a 13-year-old over the Internet. He was ordered by a judge to serve 20 years in prison, even though he had a perfectly legitimate excuse for his actions:
Because he was molested by Bigfoot when he was a child. And look at the guy’s photo — makes sense to me!
Morrill reportedly told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report that he had been sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot. Patton said Morrill really believes the assaulted happened.
I dunno about you, but I think that’s a pretty goddamn good excuse: Molestation by a mythical creature might drive anyone to pedophilia.
The Daily Memo - 3/28/08
A lawsuit says that if the Large Hadron Collider goes live the end could be nigh. (Slashdot)
Disney World + Mad Tea Cup Ride + long line = charge of battery with a deadly weapon. (Above the Law)
The dude who let his girlfriend sit on the toilet for two years has been arrested for exposing himself to a neighbor’s teenage daughter and her friends. This guy’s all class. (FindLaw)
Well, I can’t take pity on men of his kind, even though he now takes it in the behind. Date rape! (LawInfo)
Rector? I hardly knew her! (WT&E Prof Blog)
A dude who threatened to kill a judge was sentenced to 10 days in jail per word he uttered, racking up a nice 700 days in the clink. (WSJ Law Blog)
A Pennsylvania judge has ordered three men to learn English lest they get tossed in the clink. (FindLaw)
Santa Clause … the Tooth Fairy … Ankles?
This is the stupidest legal fight I’ve heard in some time — down in Texas, doctors and podiatrists are battling over whether ankles exist. Seems that the state licensing board had been defining ankles as part of the foot, meaning podiatrists could work on people’s ankles. An appellate court has now ruled that the licensing board was overstepping its authority. Podiatrists are pissed, saying there’s no such thing as an ankle:
You don’t have an ankle…. The foot actually includes the ankle. If you took the foot off the leg, there is nothing lying there that’s the the ankle.
Which is fucking ridiculous, as one orthopedic surgeon points out:
If they say the ankle doesn’t exist, why do they want to operate on it? Everyone knows what an ankle is.
Well look, maybe I don’t know what an ankle is. But I’ll tell you this — I know what a cankle is. It’s fucking gross, that’s what.
Carmel, Indiana is a filthy and heathenous city!
Carmel, Indiana’s City Council recently considered a non-binding resolution that would’ve made the place a “family friendly city.” The resolution was defeated 5-2, much to the disappointment of co-sponsor Eric Seidensticker, who said: “This was all about ‘let’s make Carmel a G-rated city.’” Supporters of the proposal include folks who went against Victoria’s Secret last year to get them to stop showing off lingerie in their local store window because, why in the world why they use such naughty sexual imagery to sell lingerie?
Mmmmmm … sausage
Well, uhm, yuck. Last week, Jack McClanahan was smacked with a $10,000 fine and three years probation. Seems that the good Mr. McClanahan was getting poached animals and using them to make “black market sausage.” This sausage was made in his dirty garage and, as a result, much of it was tainted (for example, bullets had been caught in the grinder, meaning McClanahan was shaving lead into his sausage every time he ground up new meat). McClanahan got busted by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services after an 18-month sting operation in Iowa and Nebraska (which also roped up 30 poachers).
Happily, however, the court has allowed the former butcher to continue making sausage for his own family. So all is still right with the world.
I Stand Corrected
… my bad.
In: Things Not to Do with a Microwave
Among the things you shouldn’t do with your microwave: Don’t put metal or tin foil in the microwave, don’t leave utensils in microwave, don’t microwave eggs (explode), CDs (even though it’s really pretty), kitchen sponges (they will ignite), grapes (burst), or lightbulbs (releases dangerous chemicals into the air).
But most importantly, don’t microwave your baby. It’ll get you 25 years in the clink. Joshua Mauldin learned the hard way, after microwaving his baby for 20 seconds, resulting in second and third degree burns, which necessitated two skin grafts and the partial amputation of the baby’s left ear.
Joshua Mauldin should get far more than 25 years. He should be thrown into nuclear waste.
If ever a homicide was justified… Part II
Earlier today, Seth gave us a story about a man who shot his wife for turning off the TV, definitely a case where the punishment fits the crime. Likewise, Hughstan Schlicker, a 15-year-old teenager, shot his father in the head with a shotgun, killing him. But he had an even better reason for murdering his father: His Dad took away his access to MySpace! Scoundrel!
Schlicker said he often spent entire days on MySpace and couldn’t cope when his father cut off his access to the site.
“It felt like I was stabbed with a knife and it went straight through and … no matter how hard I pulled, I couldn’t pull out the knife,” Schlicker said, according to an interview transcript in the police report.
To be fair, however, Schlicker did express remorse during a police interview, telling detectives “I wish I didn’t do this,” and “I miss Dad.”
Welcome to the MySpace Generation, America!
The Daily Memo - 3/27/08
Obama is related to Brad Pitt and Hillary is related to Angelina? Does that mean Hillary and Obama are going to start adopting dozens of African babies? (USA Today)
Oooooooooo, living on a prayer. Ooooo-OOOOOOH, I’m swerving there. (Defamer)
The U.S. News & World Report law school rankings have leaked! Now you don’t have to wait all the way until tomorrow! (Above the Law)
Obama/Pitt has posted his tax returns so where, pray tell, are Hillary/Jolie’s? (Time)
“Why people fake their death.” Well, Homer Simpson did it to get out of some cleaning, which makes sense to me. (WT&E Prof Blog)
Mmmmmmm … tacos. (Above the Law)
If ever a homicide was justified…
In Rostraver, Pennsylvania, Thomas Gay Wickerham is facing up to 40 years in the clink for killing his wife. He pleaded guilty to third-degree murder, saying that he just “went berserk” and that his wife “made me shoot her” back in February 2005.
Now, I don’t support shooting your wife. And I really don’t support doing it in front of your poor children.
But here’s the thing. Wickerham says that his wife turned off the TV, which is what triggered his rage. I mean, if he was right in the middle of watching a game or “Lost” or “Top Chef,” well, as I say, you might make a case that this shit was justified. Of course, if he was watching something like “Two and a Half Men” or something with Larry the Cable Guy, he deserves the chair.
What a coinky-dink
“Well sure, I totally killed my brother,” admits Jeffrey Gilham about his brother’s 1993 murder. But what about the fact that their parents were also found dead, all three having been stabbed with the same knife, in the same way, on the same night? “Sheer coincidence,” said Gilham.
And a bonus nod to a software programmer accused of killing his estranged wife. He doesn’t claim any coincidences like the good Mr. Gilham, but he does admit that he’s an asshole. Asshole, yes. Murderer, no.
Next time, you’re better off just suffering through your angina attack on your own
In England, I gather that 999 is the equivalent of our 911 here in the states. So when an 83-year-old heart patient called 999 and asked for help, an ambulance was sent to the scene. When the ambulance arrived, paramedic Stephen Canning wound up twisted his ankle when a light outside the house went out. And so, naturally, he’s now suing the 83-year-old and his younger 82-year-old wife, who say the whole thing “has left a very sour taste in the mouth.”
I think that’s just the angina backwash.
IRS Joins YouTube Generation
I think I preferred the IRS before it got all hip on us.
Retail Giant Kicks Handicapped Woman in Teeth
Here’s a heartwarming story for you: Debbie Shank, a former employee for Wal-Mart, was involved in a work-related accident eight years ago that left her brain damaged, in a wheel chair, and with a loss of a short term memory. Last year, her son died in the war in Iraq; however, because of Shank’s short-term memory problems, every time she’s told her son is dead, she hears it for the first time.
But, wait for the good news: Thanks to Wal-Mart’s stupendous healthcare plan, they paid $470,000 in her medical bills. In addition, Shank sued the trucking company responsible for her accident and won an additional $1 million, which came to just around $417,000 after attorneys fees.
But guess what? Wal-Mart has a fine print clause that says if an employee sues and recovers damages, Wal-Mart can recoup money received. So, what did Wal-Mart do? You betcha! They sued a brain-damaged, handicapped woman with a dead son for $400,000!
And they won!
Good for Wal-Mart! You gotta stick to your principles — no exceptions! Not even for a woman whose husband (who just underwent treatment for prostate cancer himself) had to divorce her just so she could get on Medicare!
Wal-Mart spokesman John Simley, who called Debbie Shank’s case “unbelievably sad,” replied in a statement: “Wal-Mart’s plan is bound by very specific rules. … We wish it could be more flexible in Mrs. Shank’s case since her circumstances are clearly extraordinary, but this is done out of fairness to all associates who contribute to, and benefit from, the plan.”
He then went on: “What the hell does a cripple retard need with $400,000 anyway? More straws?”
If you would’ve taught my kids better-like, they wouldn’t be so stupid
An Australian father has sued a private school for $400,000 in fees he paid the school for his twin sons after they flunked their final exams. Steven Weybury says that all the money he spent for twelve years of schooling was a waste:
Mr Weybury - a partner in a city law firm - claims he warned the school that his boys were headed for academic disaster in their final year and attempted to remove them at the end of year 11.
But school bosses persuaded him to let the boys stay on and assured him that they could cope emotionally and academically, he claims.
“The boys did not successfully complete year 12 in any respect,” court documents allege.
Essentially, Weybury is giving his sons the most important lesson at all — if you can’t achieve, sue. And, actually, it’s a lesson that a British Columbia man is trying to give his second grader, too, suing his son’s teacher because she didn’t encourage his spelling efforts or send him a daily homework list which, the father says, amounted to her “purposely and maliciously worked to damage the self-esteem” of his son. Ridiculous.
The Daily Memo - 3/26/08
Seriously, Dahlia Lithwick always has the best headlines: “Jail of Two Cities — The Supreme Court Gives the Right to Habeas Corpus a Swirly.” (Slate)
The Second Circuit told airline passengers that they can’t have a state-granted Bill of Rights. (LAist)
Fox does a solid and tells the FCC to go fuck itself. (Defamer)
Jonathan Lee Riches isn’t just the pro se litigant of the day, damn it — he’s the pro se litigant of every day! (Above the Law)
If your cash smells like weed, you might just get arrested. (FindLaw)
The Iraq vet who sued Michael Moore of Fahrenheit 9/11 just had his lawsuit dinged. (WSJ Law Blog)
Are you kidding me?
You know, we get some ridiculous e-mails in the QuizLaw mailbag now and again from folks looking for legal advice; despite disclaimers that we can’t dole out the legal advice, they ask anyway. And trust me, some of these e-mails are amazing. Yet, we’ve never published one, because even with name changes and what not, I don’t want to mock these people. …I’m a gentle soul like that.
But this one is different. This is the first time we’ve gotten an e-mail question which is so obviously a homework assignment. I mean, I didn’t even have to change the names thanks to the typical law exam names already in place (and all the typos come from the original):
I have a question…. what do you think would be the outcome and why for the following case:
Dr green treats a patient for a broken ancle but fails to notice a bone protruting from the upper leg. He treated the patient, but because of his failure to notice the protruding bone, the mans leg became infected and had to be amputated. Green then Informed Dr. Blade, the hospitals surgeon of what needed to be done. During the surgery, Blade got mixed up and amputated the wrong leg, and when he found out, he then amputated the correct leg. Ned, the patient is sueing both Dr Green and Dr. Blade.
Please explain the tort that has been committed and the aruguments that can be used for Ned (the plaintiff) and the likely liability which can be imposed on each of the parties.
I mean, come on.
But I’ll open the floor to our readers — pray tell, what is the answer to our illustrious e-mailer’s quandary?
I Can’t Control the Hillary Rage …
In response to criticism leveled at Barack Obama for not leaving the church where the racially divisive Jeremiah Wright was a pastor, Hillary — clearly grasping at straws in light of her “misspakement” — had this to say: “He would not have been my pastor. You don’t choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend.”
Ha! She would’ve left a church with a controversial preacher, but she wouldn’t leave her husband when he fucked half of Little Rock and D.C.? What happened to stand by your man, Hillary? That’s all Barack was doing. And at least Jeremiah Wright didn’t run the risk of giving Obama an STD.
Goddamnit, Hillary: You’re making me lash out at Bill, and I don’t want to lash out at Bill, but I’m starting to understand why the right detests you so much — it’s infectious.
Update: Hillary’s former minister comes out in support of Jeremiah Wright — does that mean Hillary would leave her old church, too?
Oh, and FYI:
Pick-up Lines 101
In Singapore, the situation is pretty dire. With a low birth rate and an increasingly aging population that is becoming more passionless by the moment, the government felt it was time to step in.
It was time….for flirting classes.
Wanna know what love is? Ask a Singaporean lecturer.
In an effort to boost the city-state’s low birth rate, Singapore’s Ngee Ann Polytechnic has launched a government-backed course teaching students about flirting and relationships. Subjects include love song analysis, speed-dating and online chatting.
“My teacher said if a guy looks into my eyes for more than five seconds, it could mean that he is attracted to me and I stand a chance,” 18-year-old student Isabel Seet was quoted as saying by the local Straits Times newspaper.
The course, “Understanding Relationships: Love and Sexuality”, is taught by an official from the Social Development Unit, the government’s match-making agency.
It has become so popular since its inception in October last year that the school has had to recruit another trainer, the polytechnic’s spokeswoman told Reuters.
The course is intended to provide an “understanding of the fundamentals of human relationships” and is one of two offered by Singapore’s polytechnics to encourage young Singaporeans to get married, the newspaper said.
I am soooo moving to Singapore. My chances would improve, like, 200 percent!
I’ve stapled my business card right to the legislation, so it’ll be easy to call me when you get arrested
A Massachusetts state representative, James Fagan, has introduced legislation that would essentially make it illegal to drive after having any booze at all. His bill would lower the state’s blood-alcohol limit from .08 to .02. Fagan says that he’s all for drinking, he just doesn’t want folks getting behind the wheel with any booze in their system.
Which is all well and good. But a cynic might focus on the portion of the article noting that Fagan has represented thousands of DUI defendants in court and think that this is just an attempt to drum up more business. But I’m no cynic. No sir, not I.
Ding Ding Ding! We Have a Winner!
…For the most blatant, punditry motherfuckering of the day, and it comes from Patrick Buchanan, racist dipshit and ass stain on America:
America has been the best country on earth for black folks. It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known.
[Jeremiah] Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American.
Second, no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans. Untold trillions have been spent since the ’60s on welfare, food stamps, rent supplements, Section 8 housing, Pell grants, student loans, legal services, Medicaid, Earned Income Tax Credits and poverty programs designed to bring the African-American community into the mainstream.
Appalling! I didn’t realize, Pat, that welfare, food stamps, rent supplements, Pell grants, student loans and legal services, et. al., were exclusively for black people. Actually, I received Pell grants and student loans and half my deadbeat family survives on food stamps. Oh, wait: I see. What you’re saying is that all African-Americans are impoverished welfare recipients who buy crack with food stamps! Sorry for the confusion.
Name that Constitutional Right!
Erie, Pennsylvania’s first ever female firefighter was recently fired from her job after it was revealed that she burned down her father’s house in an apparent suicide attempt. No charges were filed, however:
Fire Chief Tony Pol wrote in Wolski’s April 2007 termination letter that setting the December 2006 fire made her unsuited to be a firefighter because she posed a danger to others and herself. She was hired in 1997.
Her lawyer, Paul Susko, said officials violated her constitutional rights and lacked evidence to uphold the firing.
Can anyone name the constitutional right being violated? Cause I sure as hell can’t. Due process, perhaps?
See people, I told you!
A little over a year ago, I included Oprah on Pajiba’s First Annual (Sh)It List. Well now her Harpo Studios production company has been sued by a woman who claims that she was injured during a taping of Oprah’s show when audience members dashed for the best seats in the house. Orit Greenberg is seeking about fifty grand from the December 2006 incident, claiming that she was pushed down a flight of stairs by the mad crowd.
Do you see people? Now do you understand? This Oprah madness leads to mass hysteria!
The Daily Memo - 3/25/08
Note to Philly cops — you’re supposed to drive the suspect away in the cop car. You’re not supposed to let them take off on their own. (6abc)
Folks in Colorado are pushing for a Human Life Amendment to the state constitution, defining life as beginning at fertilization. (The Denver Channel)
Oakley has filed a patent infringement lawsuit against Fox and Marvel over knock-off promotional shades. (PatentlyO)
Lawyers making masturbatory gestures at a judge? You better believe that’s a jailing.(Statesman)
The Justice Department’s Antitrust Division has approved the proposed XM/Sirius merger. (Engadget)
Gibson Guitar hates it when people have fun with fake guitars, so it’s suing over Guitar Hero. (Above the Law)
Overlawyered’s got a new design and I, for one, am disappointed — the pink was distinctive, and this is rather generic. (Overlawyered)
So are you suggesting that a defense lawyer might lie to the press? Inconceivable! (WSJ Law Blog)
Can you hear me now?
A cab driver in Hamm, Germany, was in court for using his cell phone while driving. Like many states in the U.S., Germany has banned the use of cell phones while driving unless the driver is using a hands-free set. Walter Klein got busted driving with his cellphone being held against his ear, and you know how the rest of the story plays out.
Except, you don’t. Because while in court, Klein claimed that he wasn’t actually talking on the phone. Rather, he was using the warm and just-recharged phone to keep his ears warm. “I had an earache and it was being made worse because the cab had not heated up yet…. So I grabbed the phone that had been on charge and put it to my ear, and that was when I was stopped by police.” And the court bought his story because Klein also had his telephone bill with him, showing that the phone had not, in fact, been used at the time he was busted.
It’s only a matter of time, now, until someone makes earmuffs out of some old cell phones, right? That would be awesome.
He’s back, ladies and gentlemen!
This isn’t as grand as some of his previous complaints, but Jonathan Lee Riches (still without the former copyright claim to his name) has filed a lawsuit against Eliot Spitzer and his wife Silda. The March 17 complaint, while short, is a peach:
This is a sexual harassment suit. Gov. Spitzer is try to sell me for prison prostitution labor to Albany Legislators. Spitzer threatened to take my money like he did with Grasso. All corporate convictions Spitzer used the fines to pay for prostitutes for himself and implants for Silva. I’m personally offended, I seek a restraining order against him.
Riches may be crazy, but at least he’s up on his current events! And if it’s any comfort, Jonathan, I don’t think you’re the only one who’s personally offended.
(A PDF of the complaint can be found here.)
Mispoke, Lied. Tomatoes. Tahmatoes. Let’s Call the Whole Thing …
For those of you not keeping tabs on the latest campaign gaffe by His Girl Jackass, it goes something like this: In a speech last week, Hillary Clinton suggested that in a 1996 goodwill tour to Bosnia, her plane landed in the midst of sniper fire and the welcoming ceremony was canceled; instead, she had to run with her head down to get to the vehicles to get to base.
I don’t know why she felt the need to tell everyone she was in grave danger. But whatever the reason, Sinbad (yeah, that Sinbad) called her on it. See, Sinbad was also on that tour, and he said of the experience: “The ‘scariest’ part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. ‘I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.’” He continued:
“I never felt that I was in a dangerous position. I never felt being in a sense of peril, or ‘Oh, God, I hope I’m going to be OK when I get out of this helicopter or when I get out of his tank.’”
In her Iowa stump speech, Clinton also said, “We used to say in the White House that if a place is too dangerous, too small or too poor, send the First Lady.”
Say what? As Sinbad put it: “What kind of president would say, ‘Hey, man, I can’t go ‘cause I might get shot so I’m going to send my wife…oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.’”
Well, after Sinbad’s statement picked up steam and several videos showed that she was in no danger during the goodwill tour, Hillary’s campaign came out to say that she’d “misspoke.”
Knowing a little about dictionaries, I took the liberty of looking up the word misspoke, and according to dictionary.com, it means: “To speak inaccurately, inappropriately, or too hastily.” That’s not actually what Hillary did here; she may have “misspoke” when she said that she “misspoke,” but she didn’t misspeak when she said she landed in Bosnia in the midst of sniper fire: She fucking lied.
Big difference.
Second Time’s the Charm
Israel G. Grossman is a helluva guy. Seems that the attorney thought it would be a good idea to pass confidential financial information to his friends and family, information that got them about $1.5 million in profits. And well, yeah, turns out the government frowns on that sorta shit. So back in 1987, Grossman was convicted for charges related to insider trading, and was told he owed the SEC a cool $2.5 million. He also got himself disbarred, since lawyers kinda aren’t supposed to do this kind of thing.
But then he got himself reinstated to the bar in 2003.
And now he’s been disbarred again. Turns out the Bar frowns on folks lying on applications. For example, when an application asks if you’ve been convicted for violating investment-related statutes, insider trading usually counts. And when you apply for reinstatement to the bar and conveniently forget to mention those applications you lied on? That’s a tasty double-fraud sandwich right there.
Hillary Clinton Has the Freshest Ringtones
Fatty Fatty Boom Ba Latty!
I don’t know if they still do this or not, but a few years ago, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee pushed through legislation that required schools to grade a child’s weight on their report cards, thinking it might decrease the state’s problem with obesity (in fact, though it was very controversial, I think it worked in shaming some parents to lay off the Burger King).
But if you think that’s bad, over in the United Kingdom, one set of parents is being threatened by social services, who told the parents that their six children would be taken away if they didn’t get their weight under control.
Their parents have been told to send the children, the oldest of whom is 12, to dance and football lessons to shed pounds—or risk losing them.
The family claim the slimming deadline was set at a meeting with child protection officers last Thursday.
They say they were warned that all six children could be taken into care unless significant improvements are seen by June.
For the record, there’s a 12 year old in the family who weighs 16 stone (which converts, roughly, into 220 pounds), a three-year old who weighs 56 pounds, and a 21-month old who weighs 26 pounds. In other words: Average weight for an American child.
Note: This sort of thing is not unheard of in the United States, either — social services recently attempted to take a 250 pound nine-year-old away from her parents for neglect. (Hat Tip: Overlawyered.)
Those Pro-Lifers are Serious …
So get this: An Idaho Strawberry farmer was so adamant about his pro-life beliefs that he changed his middle name to “Pro-Life” and ran as a Senate candidate back in 2006. However, because Idaho laws prohibit the use of slogans in the voting booth, Marvin Pro-Life Richardson was denied the use of his middle name on the ballot.
Easy peasy: He just changed his full legal name to Pro-Life. Now, the Secretary of State apparently has no choice but to allow his name on the ballot. And Pro-Life claims that he has every intention of running for office every two years, “advocating murder charges for doctors who perform abortions and for women who obtain the procedure.”
He’ll be running against Senator Larry Craig this year, who may officially change his name to: Disgraced Gay Senator.
The Daily Memo - 3/24/08
A proposed Maryland bill says “stop pinching your neighbors wifi for free, you fucking leech.” (The Herald-Mail)
Starbucks has to put $100 million back into California tip jars. (LAist)
Boston’s Mintz Levin is being sued by a labor associate for gender discrimination. (Above the Law)
Yikes. “At least 15 military service members or their relatives are believed to have been infected with hepatitis by a nurse suspected of stealing their painkillers during surgery.” (FindLaw)
Well, sadly, it was only a matter of time before the fight over Heath Ledger’s estate fired up. (WT&E Prof Blog)
Judge to lawyer: “Uhm, yeah, sorry about the whole putting-you-in-shackles business.” (WSJ Law Blog)
A battle is brewing over the arrest of a drug dealer who took photos of undercover cop cars and refused to delete them. (TBO.com)
Dude, I got like so drunk last night….
Well, at least it doesn’t say “penis” on his forehead:
(From the bastion of all great mugshots, The Smoking Gun.)
Great Moments in the World of Irony
Now, it takes a truly rare individual to pull some thing like this off. It seems one Krystal Evans of Crescent City, California, had submitted a urine sample for drug testing. It was only afterwards that she realized that the test might come out positive, leading to her arrest. So she did what any rational being would do: she got her friend and fellow testee, Denise McClure, to help her steal the sample from the delivery truck carrying it.
After the two flagged down the southbound van, Evans told the driver she’d forgotten to put something in a package and asked that the back of the van be opened, Riese said. McClure then grabbed a bag of urine samples and started to look for Evans’ test, Riese said.
The driver heard one of the women say, “I gotta get the stuff or I’ll go to prison,” and after he threatened to call law enforcement, they fled, leaving the samples behind, Riese said.
But here is where it becomes a Great Moment in the World of Irony:
It turned out that Evans’ urine tested clean, but an oral swab test conducted after the attempted theft came back positive for methamphetamine, Riese said.
Ahhhhh.
Co-Presidents?
Over at Slate, Akhil Reed Amar has an interesting piece where he lays out his theory for Obama and Hillary not just sharing a ticket, but sharing the presidency. Thanks to the 25th Amendment, Amar breaks down how they could cycle the presidency back and forth, re-appointing the other as VP when the power shifts hands (yes, they’d need Congressional approval, but Amar thinks that they’d get it if it was clear from the get go that this is the reason they were being elected). Amar also notes that they could milk this relationship for a full 16-year reign, each ultimately winning two elections as the “above the fold” candidate, and each serving eight years as the nominal President.
Is it an interesting proposition? Sure. Legal? Yup. Likely? Of course not. But it’s a fun Monday morning read.
Talk about holiday spirit
I know, this is a bit late, but I just found out about it. It seems some savvy fellows in Marietta, Ohio figured copious amounts of alcohol wasn’t enough to get properly f—ked up for St. Patrick’s Day.
Undercover agents from a multicounty task force say they watched a drug deal go down at a Marietta home Monday, and the crack cocaine stood out. Food coloring had been used to turn it green.
“I don’t know if they’re Irish or not,” Washington County Sheriff Larry R. Mincks said of the five suspects. “They could be, I suppose. Or maybe they just wanted to celebrate the holiday.”
…
The sheriff has seen colorful cocaine before. One spring, a deputy arrested someone carrying purple crack rocks, and a few years back, deputies confiscated some that had been dyed red. It was Christmastime.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for the Independence Day red, white, and blue hash bricks!
I am your deeentiiiiist…..
A dentist was found passed out in his office with a gas mask pumping nitrous oxide over his face.
A Long Island dentist was arrested yesterday after he was found by a patient unconscious and inhaling nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, in his office, police said.
The patient had an appointment at Dr. Norman Rubin’s Smithtown office, but when he got there, saw no sign of activity.
Rubin, 45, was found in a treatment room “unresponsive and drooling, and he had the gas mask on his face,” said Lt. Kevin Burke.
Medics rushed to the scene and revived the dentist. Rubin was charged with inhalation of hazardous inhalants.
When asked if any giant, singing Venus flytraps from outer space or masochistic Bill Murrays were involved, there was no comment.
War is a Bitch…
…but at least it’s got a beat you can dance to!
Happy Friday, y’all. Leave work now and go play some Call of Duty 4!
Zombie Rapist
Attorneys in Colorado had an interesting case on their hands this week. The matter involved Ralph Ridenour, a 91-year-old man (!) who had been accused of sexual assault “after a nurse at the Palisade nursing home where he lived said he threatened to rape her, pulled her pants down and held onto her sleeve while she tried to escape.”
The attorneys spent all morning arguing over whether the man was fit to stand trial.
Turns out: Not so much — he died a month ago. If it wasn’t for the fact he has already been cremated, I suspect the attorneys would have Bernied him into the courtroom and made his corpse suffer through a trial. After all, there’s no sense in wasting a good legal argument.
You gotta love the compassion of the district attorney, though. When he was told that Ridenour was dead, the D.A. responded, “That’s a relief for public safety.” He was 91, suffered from dementia, and lived in a fucking nursing home: Just how dangerous a menace was he to society?
Assface McBuggerstein
Bill O’ Asshat sent a camera crew out yesterday to attack Arianna Huffington for something painfully absurd: Comments left by deranged hate mongers (represent!) on The Huffington Post, including something about how one guy hopes that Tony Snow’s cancer comes back. This is part and parcel of Bill O’Reillys latest attacks on legitimate political blogs (like The Daily Kos) who aren’t particularly vigilant in the way the delete comments. Man, if we were asked to delete all the mean-spirited comments on QuizLaw, well: We’d just have to ban our buddy Bill Weldon, wouldn’t we?
It’s dumb. Plain fucking dumb — bloggers have enough problems trying to weed out spam, and now Bill O’ expects them to wade through every goddamn comment and delete all the offensive ones. Worse: He accuses Huffington of exploiting those commenters for financial gain.
Well, the only reason that Bill O’Reilly doesn’t get a ton of comments (most of which would be equally or more offensive — those right wing nutjobs know how to spew the hate) is because that dillhole actually charges $50 a year for the right to leave comments on his poorly trafficked blog.
Jealous much, Bill? Because you’re not reaping financial rewards and otherwise capitalizing on that huge puss-filled bag of douche you call your audience?
Check the video:
The Daily Memo - 3/21/08
Great court transcript, or greatest court transcript? (Above the Law)
Hahahahaha … suck it Scooter Libby. (FindLaw
And yeah, Jack Thompson, you can suck it too. (Above the Law)
But not you, New Hampshirites — you can’t suck it. But you can smoke it, in small amounts. Maybe (but not likely). (The Chronic Corner)
And you Germans, you can keep on anonymously sucking down the illegal files. (TorrentFreak)
The 26 associates at Thelan Reid? Yeah, they can suck it long and hard. (WSJ Law Blog)
But most of all, this Daily Memo can take this tired exercise in sucking it and … suck it.
I have so many questions…
(Hat tip to the anonymous editor over at Blawg Review.)
The best court opinion I’ve read since the last great one
I love judges that have fun writing their opinions. Judge Samuel B. Kent, of the United States District Court for the Southern District of Texas, is clearly one such judge:
Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact — complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words — to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions.
With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor’s edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins.
Other nuggets from the summary judgment opinion:
A more bumbling approach is difficult to conceive — but wait folks. There’s More! ….
The Court cannot even begin to comprehend why this case was selected for reference. It is almost as if Plaintiff’s counsel chose the opinion by throwing long range darts at the Federal Reporter….
Despite the continued shortcoming of Plaintiff’s supplemental submission, the Court commends Plaintiff for his vastly improved choice of crayon — Brick Red is much easier on the eyes than Goldenrod, and stands out much better amidst the mustard splotched about Plaintiff’s briefing. But at the end of the day, even if you put a calico dress on it and call it Florence, a pig is still a pig….
In either case, the Court cautions Plaintiff’s counsel not to run with a sharpened writing utensil in hand — he could put his eye out.
Just awesome.
Attorney-client privilege ain’t all it’s cracked up to be
Well this is a really depressing story. Alton Long has been sitting in jail since 1982 for killing a McDonald’s security guard. He’s claimed innocence the whole time and now two lawyers have come forth to say that their former client admitted way back in ‘82 that he was, in fact, the murderer. But thanks to the attorney-client privilege, they couldn’t speak out about it without his consent. They did get him to agree that they could speak about it after his death and so, now that he’s died, they’re out telling their story.
It’s a real catch-22 these two lawyers were in — ethically, they were bound to keep silent. But what about morally? Hell of a pickle, and while non-lawyers might say these guys are scumbags for not speaking up, it’s really not that simple (as they say, if they had spoken up without their client’s permission, they almost surely wouldn’t have been able to testify in court anyway). The attorney-client privilege is an important and necessary thing, but it ain’t always easy.
A video two-fer
With a hat tip to Above the Law comes GW’s “Real Men of Law School:”
Public interest is totally for gays and hippies! (Note to the wife of a certain other QuizLaw contributor — reread that last line five time a night for the next two weeks!)
And with a hat tip to Legal Antics comes this video of … uhm … yeah:
Self Explaining Mugshots ….
On the right, Justin Beebe, arrested for crimes against humanity. On the left, Justin’s father, Floyd, arrested for crimes against the English language.
I’m F*cking a Mousetrap!
Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla successfully challenged a lawsuit filed by Perry Caravello against the comedians after they argued that they were not property served. Kimmel was served when Caravello had a court summons delivered to his receptionist at the theater where “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is taped. The judge declared that it amounted to insufficient service.
Oh yeah: And Caravello is suing for over $10 million, alleging that he was injured after being tricked into putting his penis in a mousetrap.
Say what?
Caravello also sued Johnny Knoxville, who has so far not contested service. He alleges the comic told him he would receive $10 million just for complying with the mousetrap directive, but that the device unexpectedly went off.
“Much to his emotional tranquility and to his physical harm, (Caravello) was severely injured when the trap literally went on his manhood,” the lawsuit states.
The incident was videotaped without Caravello’s permission and circulated over the Internet, the lawsuit states.
It was circulated on the Internet? And I missed it?
A man was injured when he was dumbass enough to stick his wanger in a mouse trap? And he’s suing Jimmy Kimmel? Man, he ought to be suing his Mom for raising a child dumb enough to put his dick in that position.
The Daily Memo - 3/20/08
Of course, in South Philly, even those who speak English don’t necessarily speak “English.” (Yahoo!)
It’s raining weed … hallelujah … it’s raining weed! (Wicked Local)
I once worked with a guy who stabbed another dude with a pool cue and spent some time in the clink as a result, but at least he didn’t kill the dude. Yikes. (LAist)
Drunken NJ former-judge is now facing seven wonderful ethic counts. (Law.com)
“Court call Shia LeBeouf’s puff bluff.” (LawInfo)
Of course someone has filed a trademark application for “Client 9.” (Likelihood of Confusion)
I think he likes President Bush
Over at The Huffington Post, Steve Young (who I’ve never heard of before and, a little sadly, isn’t the Hall of Fame quarterback) has some kind words to send Bush’s way in an article called: “Is This President F*cking Crazy?! Or Is He Finally Being Truthful?”
Young takes Bush to task for saying, yesterday, that “war critics can no longer credibly argue that we are losing in Iraq, so now they argue the war costs too much.”
War critics can no longer credibly argue that we are losing in Iraq? Uhm, to borrow a phrase from a man who wants your job, yes. we. can.
Young looks at some of the numbers wrought from our winning ways in Iraq:
Five years and nearly 40,000 wounded (Pentagon #s) Americans.
Five years and nearly 90,000 Iraqi civilian deaths (Pentagon #s).
Five years and nearly 5,000,000 (35%) Iraqi children are orphans.
Five years and nearly 4,000,000 Iraq refugees.
The most difficult number to grasp is that on March 19th at a cost of $3,000,000,000,000 (the Bush Administration said it would run about $50,000,000….Hey, what’s six zeros?) to find 0 weapons of mass destruction (Pentagon #s) and 0 Iraq and Al Quaeda connections (Pentagon #s), we have suffered nearly 4,000 American soldiers’ deaths. Not numbers. Men and women.
All very bad things, but if that number for how many Iraqi kids are orphans is right, well fuck me man.
(Kudos to Steve Young, separate from his distaste for Bush’s comments, for being a Philly boy who went to the Sixers game yesterday and presumably was one of the many who gave Allen Iverson the warm “welcome home” return that few former Philly athletes get, but which A.I. absolutely deserved.)
I think he wants Fox News to answer the question
Granny’s feisty!
Earlier this month, Officer Daniel Snyder got a call about a car accident. He responded and, after studying the scene, determined that the accident was an old lady’s fault. He concluded that 80-year-old Thalia Logas had changed lanes improperly and, as a result, smacked into another car. So he wrote up a citation for Old Lady Logas, but she refused to sign. He asked again. She refused. On and on, seven times, did this dance go.
So then Officer Snyder decided that he needed to arrest Old Lady Logas. But she refused to let him put cuffs on her and, instead, repeatedly punched him in the chest and stomach! Snyder eventually managed to restrain her and get her cuffed although, once she was in the cop car, Old Lady Logas managed to wriggle out of her cuffs and huck them out the window.
She posted bail later that day but, sadly, had missed the Bob’s Big Boy early bird special. And man alive, you don’t want to see how she reacted to that.
Fellate a donkey?
Earlier this week, Jon Stewart took an amusing look at Barack’s speech from Philly on race:
Man, talking to Americans like they’re adults is so going to come back and bite Barack in the ass.
Representative Massengill
Back in January, seven teenagers from a teen advisory board for the local Planned Parenthood had a meeting with Representative John Ahern in his Olympia, Washington office. Ahern is a pro-lifer, and he took this opportunity to harass the kids a little, repeatedly asking them “how many unborn babies were killed by Planned Parenthood” and wanting to know why unborn children shouldn’t have control over their bodies. According to an adult there with the teenagers, Ahern wouldn’t listen to the kids and wasn’t interested in any real dialogue.
Ok, fine. So maybe Representative Ahern is a bit of a douche. I have no problem with a letter being sent complaining about Ahern’s douchiness, or publicly razzing him. But one of the students’ parents also filed a complaint with the state ethics board, which seems a bit excessive. The board dismissed the complaint, finding it had no jurisdiction over the conversation just because some folks found the content to be offensive. Which sounds about right. He may be an offensive douche, but he’s entitled to spout his offensive douchiness.
You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry
From the New York Post:
A female federal prosecutor was viciously attacked by a hulking, razor-wielding drug dealer in a Brooklyn courtroom yesterday - and was saved when the thug’s 72-year-old lawyer and others tackled him.
First of all … yikes. Second of all … yikes. It took four people to take this Victor Wright down — the 72-year-old lawyer (72 … man!), a court reporter and two marshals. The best part is that, before jumping at Wright, court stenographer Ron Tolkin called a battle cry: “Why don’t you try me instead of her?”
Dave Grohl for President
Great news to those of you who are already tired of the dwindling number of candidates running for President this year. Dave Grohl — the Foo Fighter’s frontman and former drummer for Nirvana — is jumping into the race as an “Independent dark horse candidate because, as he says, ‘I’ve made all of my own rules up until this point and I don’t want to live up to anyone’s party expectations.’” And rather than run on the same old themes of change, Grohl wants to change change.
I want to present a different kind of change, though. I want to change change. If you continue to change change then it truly becomes change whether it’s technology, society, the economy, or the spreading of democracy. I want to be the president that takes change and changes it over and over again. Together, we can decide what direction we wanna take that change.
Grohl also plans on uncovering the mystery behind Dennis Kucinich’s wife:
That’s the David Copperfield factor at work. It’s like when Lemmy [from Motorhead] first met my wife he said “Ms. Grohl, it’s very nice to meet you” and he turned to me and said [in gravelly, British accent] , “She’s far too good-looking to be with you mate!” But in this day and age it’s important for people to move away from that superficial image of love. In my America—the America that I can help create—somebody who looks like Angie Everhart can date or marry a politician who looks like Tattoo without a second thought.
I don’t know about voting for Grohl — he’s a little too fresh-minty for my tastes — but I’ll certainly keep buying the albums.
Ummmm ….
Graffiti Love
Have you ever driven under an overpass and seen spray-painted graffiti beneath a bridge and wondered how the hell it got there? The gravity-defying feats that it must have taken to write Jenny (Hearts) Tommy underneath a overpass have always boggled me.
Well, the picture to the right sheds some light on the subject. It was taken by a police officer who discovered this guy hanging from a rope held by another guy up on an interstate bridge. They didn’t even get a chance to express their undying love to one another with aerosol paints before Sheriff’s Deputy Melissa Myers drove up and caught them in the act.
“I don’t know what they were thinking,” said Myers, a deputy in McMinn County between Knoxville and Chattanooga.
Myers said she drove up behind 18-year-olds Michael Clark and Matthew Musnicki after someone reported a suspicious person leaning on the rail of a bridge on Interstate 75.
“Matthew was going to write his name, ‘loves’ and then the girl’s name” and Clark was going to do the same with a girl’s name on the other side, Myers said.
The deputy arrested them both on Sunday. She said she took photos and a short video with her cell phone because the incident sounded too strange to be true.
Myers said when she arrived, Clark was standing at the railing holding the rope with his friend dangling below. She told Clark to put his hands up, but he said he couldn’t let go of the rope.
She said Musnicki tossed the can of red spray paint and tried to escape, but got tangled in the rope. She put Clark in her car and drove around to the road below, arresting Musnicki after he was helped down by a passer-by with a ladder.
What happened to good old-fashioned tattoos and shrines?
The Daily Memo - 3/19/08
In the case of U.S. v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins…. (Supreme Dicta)
Harvard Law is stepping up the push to get folks into public interest by waiving tuition for third year law students who commit to doing five years of nonprofit or government work after school. (WSJ Law Blog)
“Staff Attorney Ghetto?” Is that where lawyers hang out on the corner slanging briefs? Five bucks for a reply, twenty for an opposition. (Above the Law)
Obama gave a good, albeit long, speech on race yesterday. (The Huggington Post)
“A federal appeals court on Monday upheld an injunction against a Minnesota law that targeted at children under 17 who rent or buy violent video games.” (New York Times)
The Supremes are planning to put the fuck in “America … fuck yeah!” (Yahoo!)
President Bush hasn’t done anything to fix the FOIA backlog? But he’s all about an open administration. This just doesn’t make any sense. (FindLaw)
Poor Decision Making 101
Taurice Maurice Hart allegedly robbed a place back in November 2006, and his trial was supposed to start last Monday. The Judge was there, the jury was there, the prosecutor was there … but no Mr. Hart.
Seems that he thought it would be a good idea to use that very day to go rob The Money Store, a check-cashing business. He tried to make his getaway in a taxi (makes sense, since he had new money to burn), but his escape was less than flawless, and now he’s got a second batch of robbery charges to face.
The least shocking survey result ever
A recent survey of 1,000 pre-med and pre-law students found that a great many law students are hoping for a big pay day, more so than their med school colleagues.
“We asked a question about earning power,” Fidler said. “To what degree does earning power factor into your deciding to pursue medicine? We found that just under half of those going into medicine said it factors in very much or somewhat.”
For pre-law students, the numbers are a bit higher, Glen Stohr, director of pre-law programs for Kaplan said, with around 71 percent indicating the same response.
Other questions on the survey included “is the sky blue” and “does grass grow.”
They talk so funny over there
GeekLawyer’s got an amusing story about a criminal defendant’s attempt to make it for Andy Dufrane’s Zihuatanejo, but what makes the story really great is the silly British stuff going on in the story’s periphery:
The Sun reports that a trial in Reading descended into anarchy when the defendant, a pikey accused of a shooting, leapt from the dock and made a successful dash for freedom. In the process he bit a cop’s nose. He seems to have been helped by a friends who were waiting.
The funny bit that caught Geeklawyer’s eye was that the prosecuting barrister Ian Hope tried to be a hero. He threw off his wig and gown and gave chase. It could have ended so well but one of McInerney’s accomplices tripped him up as he ran.
Mr Hope will now be rueing the fact that he didn’t prepare well enough for his case.
Police are stopping all pony and traps in the area.
Pikey, the dock, thrown off wigs … I love the Brits.
From my cold, dead hands!
Yesterday, the Supremes heard oral argument in District of Columbia v. Heller, a pretty big-deal case dealing with the Second Amendment and a D.C. law that tried to ban the hell out of handguns. If you’re looking for a straight transcript of the oral argument, SCOTUSblog has your back. But you’d be much better off heading over to Slate, because Dahlia Lithwick’s argument recaps are always top notch (nowhere else will you learn that “there is little romance to be found in parsing Ye Olde Constitution”).
Trying to figure out how the Supremes will rule based on oral argument is a sometimes risky proposition, but Lithwick thinks that there are already “five votes to create a fundamental right to bear arms, only eight minutes into the argument.” Over at Concurring Opinions, Mike O’Shea takes his shot at prognostication and also predicts an affirmation of everyone’s right to spread some lead.
A nice finishing touch on