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Prostitutophobe Comes Out of the Closet

eliot_spitzer.jpgIt turns out that the governor of the great state of New York (where I live, incidentally) “acted in a way that violated the obligations to my family and that violates my — or any — sense of right and wrong,” presumably by inserting his fifth appendage into a mystery vacancy in exchange for money. Elliot Spitzer (shown to the left, illustrating his penis size), formerly our state’s political wunderkind who won his election by a bazillion percentage points on the strength of his record as attorney general (where he shot and killed prostitutes on the spot without due process), was ironically linked to a prostitution ring.

Apparently, federal investigators using newfangled Walkie Talkie technology learned that Spitzer had arranged for a meet with a high-priced prostitute (or low-priced escort, depending on how you look at it). She was to travel from New York to Washington to service Mr. Spitzer’s sexual needs, which purportedly involved children’s blocks, alphabet soup, and cotton-polyester blends.

It does not appear that Spitzer will step down from his position. It is expected, however, that he will no longer pay for sex.

Update: Reports from an affidavit indicate that “Client Number 9” paid $5000 to have sex with a 5’5 brunette prostitute. Whew! There’s no way that could be Spitzer! A state governor could never afford $5,000.

Update II: This just in: Male-pattern baldness and large ears may have created deep insecurity in Spitzer, compelling him to pay for sex. Criminal attorneys currently developing Avacor defense.

| Comments (7)


Oh, I'm thinking we'll have a new governor, Dustin. The entire city of Albany is buzzing.

He inserted his "fifth appendage" into someone "in exchange for money"? Kinda makes it sound like he was the one that got paid.

You think maybe the Dems and the Reps have some sort of "gentlemen's" agreement along the lines of "Okay, we get interns and Hill aides from 1992 through 2004, then you guys get the gay sex scandals from 2002 through 2008 and then we'll pick up again with the hookers and miscellaneous pecadilloes to see us through the end of the decade?"


Yes, I voted for this jackass. I can wash but I may never feel clean.

So typical. I worked for one of the companies he went after. 11 people were fired/indicted for actually breaking the law. Our stock fell 50% and 4500 people got laid off - not the big bosses, not the executives, just regular people. I might be able to feel a little better about it if Spitzer weren't a hypocrite like all the rest. **sigh** - I'm still naive.

This isn’t about the sex, or what he did to his wife and family, however sleazy that is. This man was the former Attorney General and is now the Governor. According to court documents he is also client #9, who committed a criminal offense. Sorry Eliot Spitzer, when you commit the crime you resign.

Actually, Elliot Spitzer comes from a a very wealthy family which is said to be worth +$200 million. (His father was in Manhattan real estate.) So yeah, $5k wouldn't be a stretch.

How long until "Client #9" the 'movie' comes out?