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The best court opinion I’ve read since the last great one

crayons.jpgI love judges that have fun writing their opinions. Judge Samuel B. Kent, of the United States District Court for the Southern District of Texas, is clearly one such judge:

Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact — complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words — to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions.
With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor’s edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins.

Other nuggets from the summary judgment opinion:

A more bumbling approach is difficult to conceive — but wait folks. There’s More! ….
The Court cannot even begin to comprehend why this case was selected for reference. It is almost as if Plaintiff’s counsel chose the opinion by throwing long range darts at the Federal Reporter….
Despite the continued shortcoming of Plaintiff’s supplemental submission, the Court commends Plaintiff for his vastly improved choice of crayon — Brick Red is much easier on the eyes than Goldenrod, and stands out much better amidst the mustard splotched about Plaintiff’s briefing. But at the end of the day, even if you put a calico dress on it and call it Florence, a pig is still a pig….
In either case, the Court cautions Plaintiff’s counsel not to run with a sharpened writing utensil in hand — he could put his eye out.

Just awesome.

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Comments

Sometimes, I'm just so proud to be from Texas, y'all.

My friends and I were so impressed by the inimitable Judge Kent that we named our study group after him--"The Justice Kent Society." Yes, we know he's not a "Justice," but we dare to dream.

Someday we're sure to be the nation's most prestigious legal organization. Following Judge Kent's lead, how could we possibly fail?