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Monthly Archives: June 2008
The Daily Memo - 6/30/08
Hat tip to WIMB’s Stacey for this rather NSFW link. (Boobs4Barack)
Free-floating Mylar balloons may soon be illegal in California. (Curbed LA)
U.S. News is considering some tweaks to its methodology for ranking law schools. Can it stop penalizing BU for having a hideous law tower, please? (Above the Law)
A book about patents, murder and conspiracy? Not my idea of beach reading, but to each their own. (Patently-O)
Congressional hypocrisy? Naaaaaah…. (Supreme Dicta)
More on the Supreme’s big, big Second Amendment decision. (WSJ Law Blog)
Is Amazon facing just a smidge of tax trouble? (inRich)
Get your hands off my science text book, you damn dirty ape!
Mother fuck. One of my biggest pet peeves, in a day and age where there are a lot of things that get my blood boiling, are these hick mother fuckers who simply can’t deal with the fact that evolution happened. The fact of the matter is, you can reconcile science and religion if you are truly so inclined. But all across this country, backwoods mother fuckers would rather blindly believe the Bible as being literal text, accepting that Eve came from a mother fucking rib and that the dinosaurs are just God’s version of a senior prank (what, he didn’t have enough gelatin power to turn the oceans into a big flobbly bowl of Jello?).
The impetus for me getting all bent out of shape is that Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has signed the Science Education Act into law, ensuring that Louisiana students will be able to have the tripe that is Intelligent Design stuffed down their poor unsuspecting throats. Specifically, the law allows local school boards to authorize teachers to teach things that critique scientific theories. However, as Ars Technica puts it:
Unfortunately, it’s remarkably selective in its suggestion of topics that need critical thinking, as it cites scientific subjects “including, but not limited to, evolution, the origins of life, global warming, and human cloning.”
Oddly, the last item on the list is not the subject of any scientific theory; the remainder are notable for being topics that are the focus of frequent political controversies rather than scientific ones.
It will come as little surprise to those of us who are truly capable of critical thought that the legislation is supported by a host of religious organizations, and the Discovery Institute (an anti-evolution think tank) helped write the fucking thing. This is only the first wave people, so buckle up and get ready for the continued dumbing down of America.
Now if we could just get some legislation protecting us from shitty Jerry Bruckheimer movies…
I hate Jerry Bruckheimer. Hate. He and Michael Bay are responsible for foisting some of the worst celluloid crap upon us this side of Uwe Boll. And I think it’s 1998’s Armageddon which really made my relationship with Bruckheimer irreconcilable. But the one good thing to come out of that movie is that at least folks now take the asteroid-smashing-into-Earth threat seriously. Which is why the House of Representatives recently passed H.R. 6063, legislation which would require NASA to come up with a plan to get a tracking device placed upon the Apophis asteroid, which is on track to come mighty close to our pale blue dot sometime in 2029.
In addition to paying close attention to Apophis, the bill requires the Director of the White House’s Office of Science and Technology Policy to come up with a policy for notifying Federal agencies and other emergency response groups of an impending near-Earth object threat. Hopefully they’ll come up with better plans than whatever it is they have enacted for natural disasters now, because their track record doesn’t really inspire confidence.
No doubt. No doubt.
Speaking of Bruckheimer, and this is absolutely a true story — I walked by him this weekend at The Grove, a fancy-schmancy outdoor mall here in LA. And without even thinking, my right hand clenched into a fist and I found myself overcome with a raging desire to slug him in the belly with all of my might. While I know controlling this urge was the right thing to do in the grand scheme of things, there is a part of me that will forever regret the decision (the same part of me that regrets not taking advantage of the opportunity, when I met Bill Cosby, to ask him what the fuck happened to Jello Pudding Pops).
Congrats to Espana
In honor of Spain pulling out a great win in the Euro 2008 tournament, here’s a soccer related story for all you footie fans. Over in Jolly Ol’, the police pulled over a car for speeding. The passenger decided to give a false name and, like others before him, had the bad luck of picking a name belonging to a wanted burglar. So he was arrested and taken in to the local police station. Amidst two hours of questioning, the man admitted that he wasn’t the wanted burglar. Rather, he claimed, he was Michael Thomas, a well known soccer star who had played for Arsenal and Liverpool.
Said a police source: “Nobody could believe it when he suddenly said, ‘Actually I’m Michael Thomas’. We hear things like that all of the time and thought he was having a laugh.” But he wasn’t having a laugh, and he was eventually released. Thomas now claims that the cops said he was specifically targeted because he was a black guy who seemed to have a lot of money, and he’s considering filing an official complaint.
And for the record, Arsenal sucks.
(And congrats to Spain for a well-deserved win, especially with the loan goal coming from my Liverpool boy El Nino!)
My eyes … these goggles, they do nuzzing!
I’m no better than most everyone else. If I hear there’s a celebrity sex tape, I kinda want to see it just because. However, I have no, no, no desire to see the sex tape starring Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer, which TMZ started showing footage of last week. And apparently, Troyer realizes what an American travesty it is for others to see him getting his mini on, so he’s now sued TMZ over its showing of the footage.
The story his camp is spinning is that the tape of him and his ex-girlfriend was stolen and, despite being sent several cease-and-desist letters, TMZ chose to post and continue hosting the footage. I’m no supporter of Troyer, who seems like a raging mini-douchebag (although he is responsible for one of the greatest moments of reality TV ever, him standing naked on a scooter pissing in the corner of the “Surreal World” living room). But in this case, I hope his lawsuit causes TMZ to fucking fold up shop, never to be heard from again. Because just knowing that I could accidentally stumble upon online video of Troyer doing whatever dirty things he’s on video doing … well, it’s doesn’t give me a special feeling down there.
“George Carlin Is In Hell. Deal With It.”
If Heaven admitted Westboro Baptist Fuck, Fred Phelps, I’d gladly walk into the flames of Hell with a smile on my face.
Friday’s in Colostomy Bag Punditry
“The last football game we’ll ever get to see before the United States gets blown up by the Islamists under Obama.” … Hugh Hewitt, June 25, 2008.
1) Wow! 2) Who the hell is Hugh Hewitt; and 3) I hope Ohio State wins. I fucking hate the Trojans.
What the Hell is Going on in Canada?
Last week, we gave you the absolutely ridiculous case in Canada where a 12-year-old girl sued her father because she felt her punishment was too harsh and won. This week, the Human Rights Tribunal in Vancouver has agreed to hear a case brought against a stand-up comedian by two lesbians, who are complaining that … well … the comedian was being too mean to them, after the two lesbians heckled him
(!)
Isn’t that what comedians do? Mock hecklers by making stereotypical jokes about them? Is something going on in Canada? Seriously: Does the legal system have so little to do that they would actually entertain this case?
Still, I wish to hell I knew what the comedian said about the lesbians to prompt a couple of drunk gravy swappers to file suit. Those Canadians: They’re, like, legislating politeness now, aren’t they? The whole goddamn country should be forced to spend a month in Jersey, just to toughen them up a little. Sheesh.
The Daily Memo - 6/27/08
The Secret Service is a bunch of heartless bastards, getting a crazy homeless guy tossed in the clink for five years just cause he said he wanted to head down to DC to shoot Mr. Bush. (Above the Law)
Earlier this week, the NY Supremes tossed a case where a woman was suing her rabbi because, get this, she claimed that he talked her into having sex with him in order to help her find a husband. (Law.com)
It has nothing to do with laws and privacy and discrimination — you simply don’t shit where you eat, people. (LawInfo)
Facebook’s long legal nightmare is finally over, and its owners can get back to rolling around in fitty dolla bills. (NY Times Blog)
No matter how much time you give the poor bastard for his stupid lawsuit, he’s still going to be, at the end of the day, a NY Jets fan. (SI)
Crazy midget Prince is suing a bunch of folks who recorded covers of his songs for his birthday. (Wired)
Was her name Rosie?
Over in Italy, a 43-year-old Genoa man was upset about his ex-girlfriend leaving him. So he did what any cool-headed man does — he called up his buddies and went to the local pub to get trashed, lick his wounds and alternatively talk about how he can do better and how he’ll never do better.
Naaaaah, I’m just kidding.
He did go to a pub. But it was to find his ex. Then he drug her out by her hair and took her back to his place. Where he forced her to iron his clothes and wash his dishes!
Needless to say, he’s now facing kidnapping charges.
Lemme see Adam’s Sandler’s shitty Zohan do this!
In Canton, Michigan, Joseph Webster wandered into a local bank thinking he was going to make some quick cash. He gave the teller a note telling her he had a bomb strapped to his chest. After hitting the silent alarm, the teller started filling Webster’s bag with cash. But another teller noticed what was going one, and she quietly brought it to the attention of Nabil Fawzi, a bank regular.
Who also happens to be a former member of the Lebanese army.
[Fawzi] tells WXYZ.com he pulled out a 9 mm handgun (for which he had a CCW permit), racked a bullet in the chamber, pointed it at Webster and announced, “You are not robbing this bank!”
The startled Webster countered with, “but, I have a bomb” — but Fawzi wasn’t impressed. “I don’t care. You are not robbing this bank!” was the reply from the other side of the gun. He then forced the Webster into a chair and held him at gunpoint until police arrived.
Fucking. A. Dude. Fucking A.
The best trespassing story you’ll read all day
In Boulder, Colorado, 25-year-old Luke Barrett has been arrested for, and pleaded guilty to, trespassing and obstructing an officer. Seems that Barrett was homeless and so, last December, he made his own home on the property of a T-Mobile store.
Strike that. Rather, he made his home on the T-Mobile store. For the last half-a-year, he’s been living on the store’s roof!
According to the T-Mobile store, employees had a suspicion that someone was living on the roof. Cleaning employees and maintenance crews said on two occasions they found and removed cushions, garbage and a sleeping bag from the roof.
The real tragedy of this story is that I want to laugh at it but, fuck it all, it’s kinda’ sad. Of course, T-Mobile did give him the opportunity to remain on the roof for free. Catch being, he’d have to sign a two year exclusive agreement. Those fuckers get you every time!
Who The Hell Are You Calling Black, Kettle?
Unbelievable!
Lesser of Two Evils Loses Millions
I’ve never been a huge fan of NBC’s “To Catch a Predator,” and I always suspected it was only a matter of time before they drove someone to suicide. And in fact, they did just that a couple of years ago: A district attorney who had a sexually explicit chat with an adult posing as a 13-year old boy didn’t show up for a sting operation. Instead, he killed himself.
His sister sued for $105 million and, after a judge concluded that NBC “crossed the line from responsible journalism to irresponsible and reckless intrusion into law enforcement,” the network settled. And I think that’s just.
On the other hand, the guy was probably a pedophile, so I’m not so sure how much enthusiasm I can muster for a woman who just won millions of dollars because her brother liked to chat-up little kids.
Either way: That’s one less lawyer. And that’s how Jesus would want it.
Aaaaaand, today’s Australia hat trick is complete
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
A police officer approached a motorist relieving himself on the side of the road in South Kitsap, a suburb of Washington.
The man explained to the officer that he had consumed “a bunch” of beers but was not driving drunk.
According to the officer, the man said he was slurring his words because “his dentist advised him his mouth was too big for his tongue.”
Now, that’s the best excuse for drunk-driving we’ve ever heard!
The Daily Memo - 6/26/08
God forbid an all-female law firm try to have a little fun with its advertising. (Buffalo News)
Could gas prices plummet to $2 a gallon if Congress would just get off its ass and do something? (MarketWatch)
The Central District of California has used some common sense in telling a record label that its bullshit phony license is trumped by the first sale doctrine. (Likelihood of Confusion)
Mmmmmm … double double, animal style, please. (The Trademark Blog)
Yesterday, in addition to the death penalty/kiddie rape decision, the Supremes also “cleared up the muddied waters of maritime law [by] finding [that] punitive damages are indeed available.” (SCOTUSblog)
Supreme Court Allows Heston to Keep Handgun in Cold, Dead Hands
Unsurprisingly, and by another 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court just handed down it’s ruling on the D.C. handgun ban, ruling that it was unconstitutional under the 2nd Amendment. The biggest surprise to me, I suppose, is that there were four justices on the Court that actually decided to read the Constitutional more literally, i.e., limiting the right to bear arms to “militias.” I haven’t read the opinion yet, but I guess that also means that the strict constructionists on the Court — Scalia, specifically, who wrote for the majority — went against the literal interpretation of the Constitution, and extended the right to bear arms to individuals.
And can you believe it — Scalia based part of the decision on legislative history and arms-bearing rights in state constitutions. What a hypocrite. But, with Stevens — writing for the minority — scoffing at legislative history, it really does come down to politics. These Justices will bend law and Constitutional text any way they can to fit it into their own political biases. That’s nothing you don’t already know.
All well: If you piggyback this decision onto yesterday’s decision to give the death penalty to child rapists, at least a parent still has the ability to buy a gun and shoot the rapist. Woo-hoo! Long live vengeance!
Zoinks! Like, no way man!
Australia may not have free speech, but they’ve got a Scooby on the lam. In fact, Scooby Doo “has become one of Queensland’s most wanted after giving police the slip during a reckless track invasion at the Ipswich Cup race day.” Seems that some dude went to Hidden Identity Costumes and rented a Scooby costume. He then went to the Ipswich Turf Club, a race track, and wandered out onto the track itself while the last race of the day was going on. Said the club’s GM: He almost “got cleaned up” by the horses.
While the cops have a wonderful photo of Scooby (see below), they have no idea who he is. Neither does the owner of Hidden Identity Costumes, because the Scooby Bandit rented his costume with a stolen ID, and never bothered to return. The store’s owner said that the Scooby Bandit “definitely lost his $40 bond.”
Whatever dude. Forty bucks for that Scooby costume is a fucking deal.
What I want to know is, did he solve the crime? You know, go up to the winning jockey and peel back his face, revealing the old man responsible for stealing the Queen’s jewels. …pesky kids.
I thought he was just a hotrod builder?
In Australia, a 16-year-old boy has been arrested because he had the audacity to wear a t-shirt. Down under, they’ve got this Summary Offences Act 2005 which makes public nuisance illegal and, apparently, t-shirts are public nuisances. To be fair, the shirt did have a picture of a nun masturbating with a huge slogan on the back reading “Jesus is a cunt,” but still — who would find that offensive or blasphemous?
And since Australia doesn’t have our lovely little First Amendment, you can get arrested for publicly blasphemous statements like that. One local lawyer says this story is exactly why the country needs its own Bill of Rights: “One of the great problems with our country is that we talk about rights such as privacy and freedom of speech and the like but they are not enshrined or protected in any way as they are in America.”
USA! USA! USA!
Well, It’s About Damn Time …
Seattle police — good men and women with a healthy amount of common sense — have appropriately started ticketing folks who hold up traffic in the passing lane of the freeway, even if they are going the speed limit.
And as well they should.
People that hog the passing lane while refusing to go above the speed limit, while haughtily justifying it in their mind, should be taken out behind a woodshed and run over by a speeding car.
In fact, nationwide, there should be two different speed limits: One for the right lane, and one for the left lane. The speed-limit sign for the left lane ought to read simply: “Go faster, dumbass.”
Clinton Holds Hand with Unidentified Woman; Canada Goes Apeshit
Update (6/26): We had to take the original picture down because we’re too poor and/or cheap to pay the licensing fee, but you can clink on the link to see the wild and raucous image for yourself.
The Edmonton Sun caught this image on camera and ran wild with it:
An Edmonton Sun photo of Bill Clinton holding hands with a smiling young woman has launched a new storm of gossip and speculation for the randy ex-commander-in- chief.
When the former U.S. president came to Edmonton for a speaking engagement on Friday, the Edmonton Sun snapped a photograph of Clinton holding the hand of an unidentified woman, who is now rumoured to be a campaign worker for his wife, Hillary.
Hmmm. I think it’s safe to say that, here in America, we’ll wait until Bill gets caught with his hand on a woman’s ass and his pants around his ankles before we even start to think about thinking about getting outraged. Holding hands with an unidentified woman is just a Friday morning for Clinton.
It’s about time man-tits were made illegal
In Easton, Maryland, 18-year-old Sean Cephus was given a ticket earlier this month for having the temerity to wander around outside with no shirt. This scofflaw was in direct violation of the town’s 1974 ordinance forbidding public toplessness and so Cephus became the third person in five years to get a ticket worth up to $100 and 10 days in the clink.
When asked about the ordinance, Police Lt. Gregory Wright said that it was a public nuisance to have folks walking around with no shirt on. Here in LA, more times than not I think it’s probably ok. The dudes who usually go shirtless are all jacked and if most of the gals wanted to go topless, well, this blogger wouldn’t complain. But I’ve lived in Maryland and, uhm, yeah — there, toplessness would totally be a nuisance. So well done Lt. Wright — keep up the good fight!
The Daily Memo - 6/25/08
Note to self — when robbing a gas station, don’t give them my driver’s license first and then leave it there. (AL.com)
Summer associates get drunk and hook up the night before they’re supposed to build a Habitat for Humanity house and then one, or both, of them don’t show up? This is indeed a lame season for summer associate shenanigans…. (Above the Law)
Turns out that when the parents divorce, the kids still can win. Kinda sorta. (Law.com)
With 100 pro se claims under his belt, Harry Franklin might actually be a more experienced lawyer than me, even if he hasn’t practiced in 20-odd years. (Legal Antics)
Yikes — when depositions degrade to a lawyer making digs at another lawyer’s dead vet son, shit has gone south. (WSJ Law Blog)
When judges write limericks, everyone’s a winner. (Law.com)
Supreme Court Gets It Right, But I Don’t Like It
I’m not a death penalty advocate whatsoever; in fact, I’m pretty set against it, so long as I’m not actually privy to the facts of a particular case (throw in the gruesome details, and my conservative “give ‘em the chair” streak runs wild). So today’s Supreme Court ruling gives me mixed emotions.
By a 5-4 margin, in an opinion written by Justice Kennedy (as of this writing, I don’t know all of the details, but it’s safe to say that Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, and the new guy are in the minority), the Supreme Court ruled that it is not constitutional to impose the death penalty on those who have been convicted of raping a child.
It makes sense, and I suppose that the punishment is not proportional, since it’s less of an “eye for an eye” thing and more of an “eye for the loss of your childhood and likely life debilitating trauma” thing. So, bully for the Sups.
But on the other hand: If you had to give out the death penalty, wouldn’t it feel good to fry the bastards who raped children? I’m just sayin’, you know?
When opening the QuizLaw Mailbag, please bring your own terrorist funding
You gotta love our diligent government. Reader Eric O. points us to the story of a poor Danish clothing boutique which tried to order six dresses from a dress manufacturer in Pakistan, only to find its $205 payment frozen by the US Government. The store’s owner, Christa Møllgaard-Hansen (god I love that o-with-a-slash thing) said that after giving the Feds all the info they asked for about who she was sending the payment too, they still wanted more — they wanted her to get the birth date of her Pakistani contact, Rashid, and she was none too pleased: “…I was just angry that the Americans could conduct that kind of surveillance on us and require such information. What was I supposed to say to Rashid? That the US suspected him of being a terrorist? I couldn’t do that.” U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Meanwhile, Wayne M. sends us the following obituary, which has nothing to do with the law, but I post it for two reasons. One, it’s just funny in and of itself if you read it all the way to the end. But more importantly, I love the irony of the “dignity” logo right above. Florida fucking rules, man.
How to get away with crimes in Norman, Oklahoma
It’s quite simple, really. Let’s say you suddenly find yourself in a high-speed chase. It’s late on a Sunday night, and the po-lice are on your tail. You turn left, they turn left. You turn right, they turn right. Like mother fucking glue, I’ll tell you what!
But there’s an out. Speed up, as fast as can, and get good and ahead of the cops. Then, before they can see you, ditch the car and run. Hide yourself real good, so when the cops conduct their door-to-door search, they can’t find.
And that’s it — you’re free!
…”But wait,” you say. “What about my fucking car?” Worry not, friend, because you can just go pick it up from the impound lot later!
[Captain Leonard] Judy said there are no suspects and stated that even when the owner of the car turns up at impound to collect the vehicle, it’s unlikely police will file charges due to lack of evidence.
Wow! What an Enthusiastic Endorsement!
Bill Clinton finally came out and did what he needed to do, delivering this written, one-sentence endorsement of Barack Obama:
“President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next President of the United States.”
Now, that’s what I call an endorsement! He doesn’t beat around the bush, does he? Comes right out and gives it the old Bill Clinton hurrah! No splitting hairs, there. The man is obviously over the moon about the Obama candidacy. He best be careful, or else he’s gonna need another heart operation. Tone it down, Bill. Geez.
Bitter much?
Wearing Saggy Pants? Well, You Get What You Deserve, Then
In Florida, though it’s not yet a petty crime to wear your pants halfway down your ass, it still might get you shot. Why? Cause that’s how they roll in Florida!
A Jacksonville man is accused of shooting an 18-year-old after telling him to pull his jeans up.
It happened about 7:15 p.m. Saturday at Cross Creek Apartments on Manotak Avenue. Police arrived to find the 54-year-old suspect standing next to the victim. The suspect had a gun in his waistband but kept his hands up for police.
Several witnesses told police the man followed David A. Mitchell into the courtyard from the pool telling him to pull his pants up. The two began to argue, and the younger man pushed the suspect before being shot in the stomach, according to the arrest report.
Mitchell, who was released from the hospital the same day, told the Times-Union Monday that the bullet is still in his side but the doctors say he’ll be fine. He said he had never seen the man and knew his shorts were sagging. He said he pulled them up, but the man said it wasn’t enough and just kept coming. So he pushed him off and tried to walk away.
This is why it’s always a good idea to wear suspenders, folks. They’re fashionable, and they might just save your life. Now get off my goddamn lawn.
Ha Ha Ha … Wait, That’s Not Funny
Those MySpace bastards have taken the “Punk’d” thing to a whole new level:
Police charged two Spotsylvania County men yesterday after a Timberwood Road resident called to report a break-in and death threat.
According to a press release from 1st Sgt. Liz Scott of the Spotsylvania Sheriff’s Office, the victim told police he woke up to his dogs barking at 7 a.m. and saw a man in a mask coming into his house.
He was able to identify the intruder by his voice, Scott said, although the relationship between the two men is unknown. The victim told police that the intruder, later identified as Paul Michael Hagan, 20, put a shotgun to his head and said he would shoot him as he demanded money and his X-Box.
The victim yelled to his girlfriend to call police and then wrestled over the gun with the intruder, Scott said.
The man identified as Hagan was eventually forced out of the home while the victim’s girlfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher, Scott said.
While outside, the victim said to police, the intruder racked the shotgun and threatened him again.
The intruder then told the victim that it was all a joke and he was videotaping the incident for MySpace, a social networking Web site.
You know what would’ve made this the perfect prank? If the victim had turned the shotgun on his friend and shot him in the face and it was all caught on camera! Ha! How much fun would’ve been to see a real-life, warranted shotgun blast to the face!
Stupid people.
The Daily Memo - 6/24/08
For eight-year-old NYC boys, has lawyer-envy taken the place of penis envy? (Legal Antics)
“How to get your security deposit back.” (LawInfo)
Out in Weston, Ohio, a wonderful sheriff told kids that society would be so much simpler if we just boiled all our numerous pesky laws down to a few simple Commandment-like laws. (Supreme Dicta)
The Naked Cowboy has no right to privacy, but that blue M&M isn’t out of hot water yet. (WSJ Law Blog)
Google has lost the right to use the term “gmail” in Germany. (The Local)
Last week, the Supremes ruled that “when an employer engages in business practices that place a disproportionate burden on older workers, the employer bears the burden of persuasion of showing that its action was based on reasonable factors other than age.” (SCOTUSblog)
Can you smell me now?
That fine specimen of Ohio man right there is Jeffrey Barrier. He was recently arrested for being a video-taking peeping tom at a tanning salon. Seems the fine Mr. Barrier traveled on over to Aloha Tanning, in Cincinnati, and climbed up on a chair to use his camera phone to snap some pictures of an unsuspecting and nekkid gal. He got busted and the cops showed up, but Barrier pleaded his innocence. A search found no camera, but oh no, them cops weren’t convinced.
So they searched again.
And found the phone stuffed up his ass.
While he’s been charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing an investigation, there are currently no charges for cruelty to cellphone.
Finally, Congress is trying to do something right
Now here’s a piece of legislation this TV Whore can get behind — Senator Roger Wicker, from Mississippi, has introduced legislation “that would require the Federal communications Commission to bar commercials from being broadcast at louder volumes than the program material they accompany.” Wicker has cutely titled his legislation the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act (the “CALM Act”), and says it’s “a common sense approach to a problem that plagues” families across this fine TV-loving country of ours. Amen brother, amen.
Our Florida readers can sleep soundly now…
…because the culprit behind last week’s rat dumping has been arrested!
Marion County investigators say they arrested Christopher Stephens after a tip from one of his former business partners. Stephens is accused of dumping several large containers, each full of hundreds of dead rats.
A jogger made the disturbing discovery along Southwest 114th Street. The suspect’s business partner says they had been in a reptile business that went under.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Bomb Iran!
Can’t beat Obama on the merits? How about scaring the bejesus out of America into voting for McCain. That’s what Bill Kristol seems to be doing; he’s suggesting that, if it looks like Obama is going to win the election in November, George Bush will bomb Iran on his way out.
That’s a strange new tactic. Vote for McCain! Or I’ll send the next generation of men and women to fight another unnecessary war for the next ten years! Well, they won’t get Alex, damnit.
Woah, Lady: That’s Not Sexism, That’s Good Old Fashioned Corporate America
Last week, a judge threw out a sexual harassment suit a woman brought against her former company, a suit that alleged that making a female receptionist serve coffee to her male supervisors was, in and of itself, sexist.
Ummm. Really?
This is a tough call, actually. I can vaguely see her point — that being asked by men to serve them coffee is demeaning. But then again, she’s a receptionist, and male or female, that’s what a lot of receptionist do — they serve coffee. It’s no more demeaning, I’d argue, than most of the other receptionist duties (believe you me; I’ve been a secretary at a law firm before, and every fucking second of it felt demeaning, and I never served coffee).
Anyway, aside from the claim that serving coffee was grounds of sexual harassment, there was another item in support of her case, which I find absolutely ludicrous:
After just a few weeks on the job, Klopfenstein claims that a male co-worker invited her to lunch in an e-mail that said “I feel bad you have been working here for a couple of weeks and we haven’t gotten to know each other yet.” In her deposition, Klopfenstein testified that she found the invitation “very offensive” because “there is no reason why a man and a woman should go out to lunch together without any other party around. To me that’s a date.”
Well, that’s a fucked-up definition of a date, I’d say. It sounds like this woman was looking for reasons to claim sexual harassment, and this particular allegation was extremely weak. Besides, if her boss was trying to get in her pants, asking her to get coffee is no way to butter her up.
Unlucky God Hates Irony
When your name is God Lucky, I can’t imagine a worse karmic fate than being arrested outside a church. But that’s Florida for you:
Police say a man named God was arrested near a Tampa church for selling cocaine.
Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday. Police say he sold the cocaine to undercover detectives in his neighborhood. When officers searched his home, they reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale.
I blame the parents, actually. It’s like naming your daughter Candy Cane — she’s bound to wind up as a stripper. Likewise, God Lucky? That name has crack pusher written all over it.
The Daily Memo - 6/23/08
Could Bob Barr play Nader-spoiler to the GOP this fall? ()
Google’s increased presence and import has given rise to new legal problems. (Concurring Opinions)
Way to go Congress! (Politico)
Hearst has filed a lawsuit to stop the planned Cosmopolitan Resort Casino in Vegas from using “Cosmopolitan” and getting trade mark rights, because Hearst has that “Cosmo” magazine and the word should therefore apparently never be used by anyone else ever again. (The Trademark Blog)
Is there a pro-McCain media bias? (The Huffington Post)
Northwestern University is rolling out a two-year path to getting a JD. (Above the Law)
Oh, hypocrisy, how many ways do I love thee…
(Hat tip: The Jed Report.)
A Full Slate
It was a busy weekend for the crew over at Slate, with four Supreme Court-related posts going up on Friday and Saturday. One article takes a look at the now-five-year-old Lawrence v. Texas decision, which was where the Supremes struck down the Texas anti-sodomy law. The authors try to figure out what the legacy of Lawrence is, deciding that, among other things, it didn’t cause “the collapse of sexual-conduct laws but instead a modernization of their justification” and that it “helped make the country more gay-tolerant.” Both of which sound like pretty good legacies to me.
Meanwhile, another article compares the swinging ways of O’Connor and Kennedy, while the annual Breakfast Table has started its rundown and overview of the Supremes’ most recent term and the last week of the term is upon us.
Lastly, the always wonderful Dahlia Lithwick gives us a user guide for the Supreme Court in light of the upcoming election. Litchiwck notes that McCain “apparently wishes to appoint legal eunuchs” while “Obama evidently wants someone capable of channeling Ashlee Simpson,” explaining that issues like abortion and proper rights are only “half the story.” The bigger issue is this: “As you contemplate what you want your next Supreme Court to look like, ask yourself what happens when judges are sidelined—or when they’re chosen for their inclination to sideline themselves.”
“I asked for a car, I got a computer. How’s that for being born under a bad sign?”
Down in Orange County, 18-year-old Omar Khan (“Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan”) has been charged with a whopping 69 felony counts tied to him breaking into his high school’s computers to change up his grades.
According to the DA and the Orange County Sheriff, Khan and fellow student Tanvir Singh committed their crimes between January and May 2008, breaking into the school on numerous times using a stolen key. The brilliant Khan also attempted to steal a teacher’s password to push his grades and those of 12 other students. All of this while both were exchanging text messages discussing their activities the whole time.
So now Khan (“Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan”) is facing charges of identity theft, computer fraud, second degree burglary and falsifyng public records, among other things. Sadly, there is no charge pending for half-assing his Ferris Bueller impression.
Today is Public Service Day here on the QuizLaw
From India comes this educational video about shields…
Dancing/singing condoms of many colors and flavors — what more can you ask for?
“I am good-natured and provide satisfaction.” Just like QuizLaw!
The Unintentional Consequence of Juno’s Popularity
Have you heard about this story in Gloucester, Massachusetts. At the high school there, their pregnancy rate unexpectedly quadrupled this year, and a good number of the pregnant girls were under 15. School officials, however, have just now figured out why. Apparently, at least half the 17 knocked up girls had decided — in part because of the popularity of Juno and Knocked Up — to intentionally get pregnant. Indeed, they’d all made a pact to raise their children together. In fact, several girls have come in asking for pregnancy tests and were disappointed to learn that they were not with child.
How messed up is that?
Worse still: Some of the men involved were in their mid-20s, and statutory rape charges are being considered.
Let the countdown until Diablo Cody is sued begin. Meanwhile, does Gloucester have a Pennysaver?
Man Attempts Armed Robbery with a … Palm Frond!
Oh, Florida. You win again! (link to video goodness)
The Daily Memo - 6/20/08
Remember the power tripping judge who wants you to rub her corns? Well now you can see video of the ginormous gal. (Above the Law)
The good ol’ Ninth Circuit has limited my boss’ ability to search my text messages. (WSJ Law Blog)
Mars needs women and W needs lawyers, he thinks. (Legal Antics)
A Philly traffic judge is in a weeeee bit of trouble after a YouTube video popped up showing him soliciting campaign funds. (Law.com)
Yowzah — the Feds have charged over 400 people as a result of a massive probe into mortgage fraud. (CNN)
Is the perp walk a legitimate way of getting folks to show up to court, or is it prejudicial and undermining of the presumption of innocence? (WSJ Law Blog)
The Supremes handed down a slew of decisions yesterday. (SCOTUSblog)
But your honor, they’re harmless. You might even say they’re greeeeeeeaaaaat!
Earlier this week, Michelle Ashton went before a judge to face a charge of interfering with public duties:
McAllen police saw her and four others gathering in the Wal-Mart parking lot on East Jackson. Court documents say the group then went to the Mervyn’s parking lot.
An officer spotted them moving large boxes to cars with Mexican plates. When the police officer questioned them, he heard strange animal noises.
Turns out Ashton and her pals were planning to sell some tiger cubs. She wasn’t actually arrested for that though — instead, she allegedly got disruptive and tried to interfere with the cops’ investigation and, thus, the interference charge. But don’t worry — the investigation has been taken up by Texas Parks & Wildlife, so I’m sure there are some more charges coming, because I can’t imagine possession of tiger cubs with intent to distribute is legal. …Although this is Texas we’re talking about. She’ll probably get charged with not shooting them!
We know he means it when he says he loves America this time, because he’s wearing his flag pin!
Obama has released his first official campaign ad for the general election, trying to introduce himself to the swing states.
This is Hilarious, Clearly Because I’m 12 Years Old
God bless, YouTube.
What? The Courts Have Nothing Else to do in Canada
I guess the court system north of the border is so underused that they have deigned to step in the middle of parent/child disputes, as evidenced by this case, where a 12-year-old sued her parents to overturn a grounding:
A Canadian court has lifted a 12-year-old girl’s grounding, overturning her father’s punishment for disobeying his orders to stay off the internet, his lawyer said.
The girl had taken her father to Quebec Superior Court after he refused to allow her to go on a school trip for chatting on websites he tried to block, and then posting “inappropriate” pictures of herself online using a friend’s computer.
The father’s lawyer Kim Beaudoin said the disciplinary measures were for the girl’s “own protection” and is appealing the ruling.
“She’s a child,” Beaudoin said.
“At her age, children test their limits and it’s up to their parents to set boundaries.
“I started an appeal of the decision today to reestablish parental authority, and to ensure that this case doesn’t set a precedent,” she said. Otherwise, said Beaudoin, “parents are going to be walking on egg shells from now on”.
Apparently, Canadian courts have something against decent parenting. If my kid had done this, I’d have doubled the punishment for taking me to court. This is why, sometimes, a good old fashioned spanking is in order: Let’s see a court overturn that!
That Dude is Really Happy to See You
A Canadian man, arrested for failing to show up to several court dates, is searched and thrown into jail. Unfortunately, the cops failed to check one certain area:
It was only when he was being checked in to prison that guards discovered nine grams of marijuana wrapped around his penis. [John Christopher] Williams says it was all a misunderstanding.
A misunderstanding? Dude: A misunderstanding is when your wife asks you to pick up bread and you bring home eggs. A misunderstanding is confusing a man named Barack Hussein for a Middle-Eastern dictator. Wrapping nine grams of bud around your schlong ain’t a misunderstanding, it’s an awesome Tuesday night for someone.
(Mini Diversion: How many grams can you wrap around your penis?)
The Daily Memo - 6/19/08
This story about the headlocking summer associate was all the talk at the firms yesterday (at least, among those of us highly amused by the bad judgment and poor luck of drunk summer associates). (Above the Law)
Yikes — “former judge charged in human trafficking case.” (Law.com)
Ok, this may be misogynistic, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t true — there is totally a difference between real world hot and lawyer hot. (Legal Antics)
The lawsuit brought by Slash and his wife keeps it appetite for destruction. (Daily News)
Lawyers so addicted to blackberrys they’re interfering with depositions? …Naaaaaah. (Law.com)
“She’s not even black”
Warning: this video, while funny, repatedly spits out a NSFW word….
(A wonderful tip o’ the hat to Deus Ex Malcontent courtesy of If a TV Falls in the Woods…)
Let me see that thong-th-thong-thong-OW!
Courtesy of The Smoking Gun comes the tale of a thong gone wrong:
As she was attempting to put on a Victoria’s Secret thong, a Los Angeles woman claims that a decorative metallic piece flew off the garment and struck her in the eye, causing injuries and a new product liability lawsuit against the underwear giant. Macrida Patterson, 52, alleges that she was hurt last May by a defective “low-rise v-string” from the Victoria’s Secret “Sexy Little Thing” line, according to a lawsuit filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court.
…
Victoria’s Secret officials asked to examine the garment and the decorative piece, but that request was rejected by Patterson’s counsel. For those unfamiliar with “v-strings,” the undergarment is the Victoria’s Secret variant on the “g-string,” which has long been favored in the battle against visible panty lines.
Lessons in how not to win a state House seat
Lesson 5 — Don’t get busted for a DUI.
Lesson 6 — If a cop is trying to pull you over for speeding and reckless driving, and you’re worried about getting busted for a DUI, don’t speed off. You’ll just get busted for DUI and evading arrest.
Lesson 7 — If you’re already facing federal prescription fraud charges, none of it probably matters anyway. You ain’t getting elected for shit.
See, going to the dentist isn’t always bad?
Last week, Johnathon Shane May got himself a five year stint in the clink for being a meth dealer. “But your honor,” says May, “I got a dentist appointment coming up. Can my moms take me to the dentist before I go away to the Big House?”
The judge, being an apparently stupid nice stupid person, said yes.
So May left the courthouse and promptly fled away in a Ford Bronco.
The judge said that next time, he’s going to make the criminals pinky swear that they’ll come back.
…Either that, or we just don’t like the cut of your jib
Shit kids, sorry. It just came to our attention that the little elves working behind the QuizLaw scenes have been holding all your comments hostage for about the last week. Those pointy-eared bastards can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.
But your comments should all be back in their rightful place now and, hopefully, things will run a little smoother with the commenting from here on out. At least, they will if those elves know what’s good for them. Cause I’m not even shy about going all Santa von Claus on them if I have to, busting out my red nosed bull whip and showing them the what’s what.
You hear me Keebler? Get busy publishing comments or get busy feeling my wrath!
Moveon.org Continues Semi-Sleazy but Effective Ways
Who can resist a cute kid? And no one wants to send an infant to Iraq, huh?
I’d watch yourself, though, lady: If you hold your infant to close to Crazy Wallbanger McCain, he’ll eat the body and give the head to Cheney. I’ve seen it.
GOP State Convention in Texas Offers This Classy Pin
Everyone knows they’re gonna call it the Baby Daddy house.
(H/T Ameriblog)
Stupid, Stubborn Pride About to Cost Government Millions
So get this: A government employee out in Massachusetts gets fired because his employer discovered kiddie porn on his state-issued laptop. However, after an extensive investigation, it was discovered that the government issued laptop virus software was corrupt and that the employee — Michael Fiola — had been hit with a ton of spam and viruses, which infected the computer with porn that was naked to the eye. Two forensic examinations of the laptop backed up the investigation, proving without a doubt that the illegal porn on Fiola’s computer was because of a virus infection.
Fiola was nevertheless terminated and his reputation was tarnished. And his employer, the Department of Industrial Accidents, responded this way:
“We stand behind our decision.”
It’s like the DIA is just asking to lose the inevitable lawsuit against them.
Meanwhile, a lesson to you all: Make for goddamn sure your virus software works.
The Daily Memo - 6/18/08
A British lawyer faked a nervous breakdown to get a bigger payout in her employment lawsuit. Classy. (Above the Law)
Is Justice Thomas depressed? Depends on whether you’re a strict constructionalist. (Supreme Dicta)
The PTO is looking at some changes to the trademark rules. (The TTABlog)
Muy bueno. Via a constitutional amendment, Mexico is following the US by allowing trials to be public and giving defendants a presumption of innocence. (LawInfo)
The FDA’s not so happy with all the things out there claiming to prevent cancer. (CNN
An asshole corporate landlord in Florida (natch) won’t void the lease of a man shipping off to Iraq. (TBO.com)
Ye can’t spell Florida, matey, without an arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
I know we bag on the penis state a lot but, and I’m dead serious here, I kinda want to move to Fort Walton Beach:
Booty rained down, shots rang out and airplanes roared overhead as hundreds cheered and chugged.
…
Mayor Mike Anderson acquiesced after doing what he could to distract the pirates. When negotiations failed, he brought out the first of his last-ditch efforts: temptation.
“He’s released his wenches on the (pirate) militia,” announced the battle’s narrators. “They look questionable to me, if you don’t mind me saying so,” one added.
Then Anderson unleashed the city’s secret mini-militia, a troupe of young defenders who also failed to stop the pirates’ march. Three Air Force T-6s circled overhead but offered no help.
…
It was the 53rd consecutive defeat suffered by the city, which has faced the pirates annually since the 1950s.
…
Medical responders had responded to about 25 calls by 6 p.m., said Okaloosa Emergency Medical Services Capt. Steve Speer. About eight of those were alcohol-related, he said. (Source)
Annual pirates, booty, and drunken shenanigans? Mayor Mike Anderson is totally my favorite mayor now.
See — Obama is just like Indiana Jones!
Barack understands my Philly peeps. At a Philly fundraiser, he was talking about how his campaign will handle things if the McCain gang gets rough, warning folks that the general election could get dirty: “They’re going to try to scare people. They’re going to try to say that ‘that Obama is a scary guy.’” Then he busted out with this:
If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun. Because from what I understand folks in Philly like a good brawl. I’ve seen Eagles fans.
Word, dude. Word. And you know what, there just so happens to be a ginormous Eagles fan, who knows a little something about a good brawl, who would be all too happy to be your running mate. Governor Rendell will be waiting for your call.
The least the cops could’ve done was given him a chance for the hat trick!
Reader Kristin E. asked us to “please cover this story.” Ask and ye shall receive, although there’s really not much to be said aside from simply telling the story, as it quite speaks for itself: A brilliant man in Sheboygan, Wisconsin (Sheboygan!) was busted twice for drunk driving in the span of 2 hours. It was easy for the cops to figure out he was drunk one of the times as the genius was driving the wrong way down a one way-street at 1:50 in the morning. That’ll usually tip the cops off.
The only thing I’m confused about is that I thought it was illegal in Wisconsin to not be drunk all the time. No?
Hey, Associated Press — Take These Nuts!
If you haven’t heard, the Associated Press recently caught some flak in the blogosphere when it sent cease and desist letters to at least one blog, asking the blog to stop quoting huge chunks of AP articles. In response to the uproar this caused (since all us blogs quote from the AP and other news sources quite liberally), the AP has now backtracked, and they’re totally not going to sue folks like your friendly neighborhood QuizLaw for quoting from their articles. Nah, they’re the good guy.
So instead, they just want us to pay them if we use more than 5 words!
Seriously. For 5-25 words, I’m supposed to pay a $12.50 license, and then it goes up from there. And Boing Boing points out something even better than this silly license fee:
It gets better! If you pay to quote the AP, but you offend the AP in so doing, the AP “reserves the right to terminate this Agreement at any time if Publisher or its agents finds Your use of the licensed Content to be offensive and/or damaging to Publisher’s reputation.”
Considering we already had a QuizLaw advertiser drop their support after about two hours because we were too offensive, I wonder how long we’d last with the AP? Thankfully, because of fair use, we’re not paying anyway, so it’s a non-issue.
Clearly, This Python Needs Some Obedience School
In Connecticut, of all places, police — responding to a call that a man was threatening his girlfriend with his pet python — arrived at Victor Rodriguez’s apartment and got themselves a nice surprise.
Viadero says that when the building superintendent opened the apartment door for the officers, Rodriguez allegedly threatened them with the snake and told it to “Get them!”
Hahahaha! What the hell, man? Did the guy think he was in a Harry Potter novel, that he could speak a little parseltongue, and sic his python on the po-lice? Freak. Anyway, he was arrested and his albino python was taken to animal control, where I’m sure they’ll teach it to obey commands.
Sit Ubu Sit. Good snake.
Mr. Bruised Testicle Sentenced; A QL Update
A few months ago, we brought you news of David Aston, a Canadian man who was arrested for sexual activity with a child. As we told you then:
David Aston, 32, would lay a towel down to keep his clothes clean then make the youngsters boot him until he could not bear the pain. The court heard of two occasions when married Aston drove girls aged 13 to 15 to woods near Bicester, Oxon, after contacting one online in 2006.
He had oral sex with the 15-year-old both times before two, then three girls kicked him. He drove them home in his Honda Civic, paying two girls £10 and one a bottle of whisky, Oxford Crown Court heard. Cops investigated when he complained one was pestering HIM for sex.
Well, for those of you worried that this sick bastard was still roaming the streets of Canada begging women to kick him in the testicles, worry no more! Aston has been sentenced to prison for four years, where he can get the shit kicked out his nuts on a daily basis without leaving his cell or giving up a bottle of whiskey.
No Sir, Uh Uh, That Ain’t Right
Let me ask you folks something. A fairly innocuous question. Maybe you don’t know the answer, but maybe you do. Here it is:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
A couple accused of killing their 13-year-old son by tying him to a tree for two nights for punishment appeared in a North Carolina courtroom Monday to face charges of murder and felony child abuse.
Attorneys appeared Monday with Brice Brian McMillan, 41, and his wife Sandra Elizabeth McMillan, 36, of Macclesfield.
The county sheriff’s office has said Brice McMillan told a deputy the teen was being disobedient and was forced to sleep outside last Tuesday while tied to a tree. The teen was released Wednesday morning, but again tied up that night for bad behavior.
Sheriff James Knight has said the boy was left tied to the tree until the following afternoon, when his stepmother found him unresponsive. Authorities believe the boy was bound to the tree with plastic ties and possibly other kinds of material.
Arrest warrants for both McMillans said the child sustained “bruising to the wrist, cuts to entire body, missing flesh from buttocks, results from being tied to a tree for approximately 18 hours resulting in death.” (Source)
Your kid misbehaves, you give him a time-out. You take away his video games. You ground him for a week. Hell, if you’re old school, give him a spanking — make him pick out the switch you use on his ass.
But you don’t tie him to a goddamn tree, you sick twisted fucks. 18 hours? To a tree? Did you think to check up on him? See if he needed dinner? See if his ass had all its flesh?
This folks is why we have the death penalty and that bitch up there in that picture deserves the guillotine.
And then there is Part II in today’s WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE series: A man who beat an infant to death in the middle of the street. He got to meet the business end of a police officer’s bullet; unfortunately, the infant didn’t survive:
The Daily Memo - 6/17/08
Despite some valid points by the author, I still think Chuck Hagel as Obama’s VP nominee is a pretty solid option. (Salon)
When we quote from the AP, we are apparently copyright-infringing scum of the earth. (Concurring Opinions)
For $2.5 million, I think I’d feel the spirit in me too. (Above the Law)
If you make over $200K, why should you have to pay taxes? (ABC News)
A judge has taken $10 million away from Leona Helmsley’s dog. What a gip! (WSJ Law Blog)
I wish I knew how to quit you. (43(B)log)
Reviving our faith in the legal system one wonderful case at a time…
Cracked.com has posted an article listing the “nine inane cases” it thinks prove that “the US legal system is screwed.” They include some obvious choices, like our favorite asshat DC lawyer who sued his dry cleaners for $67 million over a lost pair of pants. But they also tell of at least one case I hadn’t heard of — the tale of a Dartmouth professor, Priya Venkatesan, who sued students in her class because they complained about her teaching abilities and argued with her during lectures on expository argument. Awesome.
(Hat tip to reader Jen who, of the above link, said: “I laughed, cried and drank every drop of vodka in sight.” …A girl who drinks all the vodka she can find is a girl after my own heart.)
That better have been one helluva joke
Christopher Cocker was chilling out in his flat (he’s British, you see) watching the telly, when he heard a joke that tickled his fancy. He found it so funny, in fact, that he fell off his sofa in hysterics. Next thing he knows, the cops are knocking at his door because, unbeknownst to him, his downstairs neighbors called the cops after hearing a loud thud.
Cocker tells the cops, “s’just me here, and I’m all fine, so carry on,” but the cops want to know his name. For whatever reason, Cockersdecides not to give them his personal info, and the cops say he started getting aggressive. So they sprayed him with some British version of pepper spray (parva spray), tossed him into a cop van, hauled him to jail, stripped him, and threw his pasty ass into a cell.
He recently showed up in court and pleaded guilty to resisting a police officer. If he behaves, he’ll get along without any further time in jail.
And god damn it, Daily Mail, how can you report this story and not ask Cocker what was said on the show he was watching that was so arrestingly funny? Talk about shoddy fucking reporting.
Call me?
Kristina Caban just earned herself a 5 year stint in the Big House for daring to get angry over a one night stand. Back in 2004, she and Samir “Sammy” Sara had themselves a little fling. One night, much love, no regrets. But then Sammy never called Caban again. She let her resentment linger and, two years later, hatched a plan with her new boyfriend, Robert Testagrossa. The pair lured Sammy to a hotel room, where Robert and another dude grabbed Sammy and used a Taser to freeze him.
Caban laughed at Sammy and kicked him and then used a metal wire shaped into an “R” to brand him.
Caban and Testagrossa both agreed to 5-year pleas, and were officially sentenced on Friday, with the judge saying that the branding was “not remotely justifiable.” Her lawyer, meanwhile, says that the picture painted by this story doesn’t really describe her: “She is not the monster the prosecution made her out to be.”
Nah, she’s just a bitter woman who held onto her resentment for two years and decided to brand a dude who didn’t call her. No monster there. She’s a fucking peach.
Can We Just Skip the Election and Give This Man a Lifetime Term?
First, this speech is absolutely amazing — Barack Obama talks about religion reasonably, honestly, and candidly, consequences be damned. Second, I don’t know when this speech was delivered, but it does have a little something in common with this awesome rant delivered by President Bartlett a few years back on “The West Wing.”
Also: Barack — Can I be your Baby Momma?
School Systems Have To Step in To Prevent These Travesties
What kind of sick, twisted fourth grader shares her lip cream? Appalling!
An Oregon City fourth grader missed her last day of school Friday because she shared a lip cream with two classmates. Madison McFadden attends Redland elementary. She said she didn’t know she was breaking school rules.
Madison says it all began the day before school got out when students were cleaning out their desks.She found a medicated, over the counter, lip cream called “abreva” in her desk. It’s a cold sore medication and can numb up an area. A classmate asked her what it was and wanted Madison to share. She did and the classmate put some on her lips then passed it to a friend. Madison says a short time later the two classmates didn’t feel well and told the teacher.
When the teacher investigated, Madison and the classmates ended up in the principal’s office. All three were suspended and missed the last day of class.
District Superintendent Roger Rada defends the move. “We’re there to protect the kids,” said Rada.
I, for one, appreciate Mr. Rada looking out for the children. Children come first, and we certainly can’t have a bunched of spoiled rotten pre-adolescents sharing their VD-infested lip cream with other students. You know, you can get AIDS that way. I saw it on the Internet. This is a real public menace; I’m only disappointed that this charlatan didn’t get a more severe punishment. A one-day suspension? That’s like tipping a waitress who spits in your food 15 percent instead of 20 percent. This little girl should’ve been suspended for the rest of her fifth grade year and imprisoned, right along with her parents — who are probably already in jail, if their parenting skills are any indication.
When FOX Anchors Throw Down
Link: sevenload.com
We don’t often agree with Geraldo Rivera, but sometimes, the man knows what he’s talking about — and in this case, we applaud him for basically pwning a colleague at FOX.