« Free Simonizing! | Main | Next up on Pron Monday… »

I’m high-fiving my lawyer, and I’m walking out the court a free man, and I’m getting my camera, and I’m finding another thirteen-year-old girl…

trapped-in-the-closet.jpgJesus Christ. They had R. Kelly (allegedly) on camera doing nasty things with his thirteen-year-old god daughter. He was facing 14 counts in a child porn case that took six years to go to trial and now he’s a free man. Certain quarters will be very happy with this, while others will see it as yet another very public failure of our judicial system.

Normally, I’d be in the second camp. However, I’m going to look at the sole silver lining on this urine-stained cloud, which is that a free R. Kelly means more “Trapped in the Closet.” The first twelve chapters of his ridiculous hip-hopera make one of the funniest hours ever put to film. The follow-up Chapters 13-22 were a bit of a let down, but maybe this verdict will give him his mojo back and get us some more of the good stuff.

…You know what? Fuck it — I’m pissed off about this anyway. I didn’t follow the trial closely, but from what I’ve read, it doesn’t sound like the prosecution particularly blew it. Rather, the biggest problem was that the girl and her family all testified that it wasn’t her on the tape and, taken with Kelly’s claims that “it ain’t me on the tape neither,” any prosecutor faces an uphill battle. Cynics might think Kelly bought the family off. Others might say it wasn’t actually her on the tape. I don’t know, but I’ve sure got my opinion. And my opinion says a sick bastard just got skated free. Happy Monday!