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Monthly Archives: July 2007
The Only Thing I Like Better than the Jumble is Finishing the Jumble
All right, let’s just get this out of the way first: No one dislikes Uwe Boll as much as me (well, except this guy); he’s easily one of the more incompetent directors in Hollywood, though he does seem to be the go-to guy for shitty video-game adaptations, like Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead, and the upcoming Postal. It’s the latter movie that’s the subject of this story. Postal, due out later this year, looks like an abomination — and an offensive one at that. If you want to feel your blood boil for a few seconds, just check out the trailer.
But, you gotta hand it him; Boll does have a pretty decent sense of humor. In fact, earlier this year, he challenged movie critics to step in the ring with him and fight in an actual boxing match (one guy took him up on it, and got his ass kicked) — but, now he’s created a parody website of the NY Post to advertise the movie. And, while it’s mostly pretty tasteless, there are some decent comedic jabs at the Post, which of course means that the humorless Post has brought suit. The Post is claiming “brazen and unlawful infringement of the New York Post’s valuable intellectual property” and that Boll set up the site to get back at the Post for some unfavorable things the paper has said about him.
It looks like parody to me. But, then again, Boll is running it on a few domain names that are similar to the Post’s hoping to snag a few who type in the wrong address. Really, I don’t care who wins. If we’re lucky, they’ll bankrupt each other out of business. BUT, I do have to say, the parody site’s NY Post advertisement is freaking priceless. Check it out:
Political Advertising that Works
Jesus H. As if those goddamn Ron Paul freaks weren’t obnoxious enough, now they have an actual reason to vote for the man besides his mild-mannered Patrick Buchnanan politics: Lesbians, of course. It’s not as cool as Mike Gravel’s video ads, but the only thing missing from Ron Paul’s lipstick lesbians is an appearance by Obama girl in a Domino’s Pizza outfit, which would probably send at least one of our readers into a frenzied soup of lust and policy talk.
And if your boss walks by while your watching this video, tell him it’s not porn: It’s political advertising, damnit. And then punch him in the nose.
The writing’s on the wall…
Kimberly Hunt, that skank, just made twenty grand. Wanna know how? She complained to “the man” that the perfectly harmless jokes scrawled on the wall of the men’s room were “offensive”. And the Australian Tribunal, those cocks, agreed, ruling that it was “sexual harassment.”
Waaa waaa, Hunt.
You wanna know what’s offensive? Not going to happy hour with me. What’s the harm? We have some drinks, eat some hot wings, and maybe make some bad decisions. Everyone’s a winner. But noooo, somebody leaves a copy of June’s issue of Ass Blasters on somebody’s desk and all of a sudden HR’s getting involved and it’s a big ol’ mess. Maybe they harassed my sexuality, did anyone every think of that? A guy’s got needs, people.
I’m just sayin’.
The Daily Memo - 7/31/07
I’m shocked — shocked, I say — that QuizLaw wasn’t cited in any court opinions last year! (Concurring Opinions)
More shock - “increasing number of Americans view Supreme Court as ‘too conservative.’” (Think Progress)
California’s Supremes have ruled that cities can’t seize cars from drivers busted for buying drugs or hookers, as only the state can authorize such a punishment (and there’s no such law on the Cali books … yet). (Nota Bene)
Apple’s facing its first class-action lawsuit over the iPhone, courtesy of a “typo-filled complaint” bitching about the iPhone’s battery life. (Overlawyered)
A NJ legislator says front-side license plates are as useful as an appendix, and would like to get rid of them. (Courier Post)
When you need a smoke, you need a smoke
So there was a car chase from last week which definitely had one of the most bizarre things you’ll ever see in a chase. A suspected bank robber led local cops on a chase through Phoenix. All of a sudden, the fugitive pulled his truck into a convenience store and ran inside to buy some cigarettes. The clerk said, “I gave him [the cigarettes] and he gave me $20 and he left.” The fugitive then hopped back in his truck and continued on his police chasing ways (presumably after entering Marlboro Country). As is almost always the case, he was eventually caught after the cops snared him with a spike strip. (You can see a video of some of the chase here.)
It’s too bad the cigarette companies can’t run TV commercials anymore, because this footage would make for an excellent Marlboro Light or P-Funk spot.
Michael Vick is in serious trouble
Forget his whole federal dog fighting thing. That’s the least of the Falcons QB’s worries, because he’s also being sued by a South Carolina prisoner for “63,000,000,000.00 billion dollars backed by gold and silver delivered via ‘UPS’ United States parcel service to the front gates of” his S.C. prison! The wonderful Jonathan Lee Riches (who seems to think his name is copyrighted) is suing Vick for a variety of alleged civil rights violations and torts:
… that include, but not limited to: injury to wildlife, conspiracy, illegal dog fighting, extortion, racketeering, gambling, copyright infringement, identity theft, fraud, threats to commit violent acts, brutality, tax fraud.
Rich’s fleshes out his allegations, kinda-sorta, in the hand-written complaint, and he claims that Vick stole two of his pit bulls for dog fighting purposes, only to sell them on eBay, using “the proceeds to purchase missles [sic] from the Iran government.” He also alleges that Vick stole his identity which was then used, among other things, to open a “doggie warehouse,” and that his copyright in his name has been violated by Vick using Rich’s name on his “personal football outfit and casual clothing.” There are also allegations of Vick being tied to al Qaeda and using illegal microwave testing on Rich.
This 3-page complaint is really a gem, and you should totally roll over to Above the Law right now and read it for yourself.
McDonald’s has been sued in China, and it’s not over food quality
Apparently it’s China Week here on QuizLaw, as I again find my attention drawn to a law-related story from over yonder (you’ll recall yesterday’s story about the biggest recorded bank heist in China’s history). This time, it’s the story of Shan, a Chinese lawyer who is suing Micky-D’s over its receipts. He went to two different Beijing McDonald’s recently and was unhappy to receive receipts that were primarily in English. So he’s sued the chain, arguing that this practice violates consumers’ right to know.
Now if this were taking place in America, you know that Shan would be asking for $1 bajillion, and licensing rights for the next 50 years. But the more practical Chinese lawyer simply wants an apology and a token payment of about thirteen cents. McDonald’s has declined to comment on the case but, earlier this month, it apparently updated its receipts to now be in Chinese. Which would seem to make sense, being that the restaurants are in China and all.
Has Anyone Ever Heard of Internet Hunting?
I’m not going to ridicule the Massachusetts legislature for passing what many probably assume is a ridiculous law, because until today, I’d ever even heard of this recreational activity. As far as I know, it’s all the rage with the interweb NRA geeks.
Anyway, the Massachusetts House passed a bill that would make the state the 34th to ban hunting via an internet connection. Apparently, folks can log onto their internet connection, dial up one of these services on their web browser, and then via web cam and a remote control rifle they can bag themselves a deer, wild pig, antelope, duck, etc. For an additional fee, you can even have the animal’s head sent to you. (And there is even an Internet Hunting Society!)
Apparently, these services exist for the wheelchair bound and others who are too disabled to go out into the woods themselves. Or, you know, the really fucking lazy. It’s insane — at least with live hunting, the animals sort of know who to run away from. But, damn — how would a deer know to steer clear of a remote control device? You know what would be awesome? Internet hunting of Internet hunters. That’s something I could get behind.
Crane. Denny Crane.
William Shatner has suddenly become the Christopher Walken of television. He’ll do anything for a few bucks. Like, $24.50 and a dinner at the Sizzler. Jesus, Shatner — Is this how you celebrated your Emmy nomination for “Boston Legal”? By making a real commercial for a real ambulance-chasing law firm? Dude — stop wasting your time on this shit. Go back and make another album, man.
(Hat Tip: Overlawyered)
The Daily Memo - 7/30/07
The head of the House’s Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection wants to get involved in the whole NBA mobbed-up-referee debacle. (SI)
Last week a federal court threw out ordinances passed by a hick Pennsylvania town which was trying to limit where illegal immigrants lived and worked. (CNN)
An advocacy group is suing Google over some North Carolina tax exemptions it negotiated with the state. (c|net news)
A Jersey man is suing Starbucks because the lid on his cup of hot tea allegedly detached, causing third-degrees burns when the tea splashed onto his hand. (SeatllePI)
What’s the matter with trying to get a continuance because you need to take care of your puppies? (Legal Antics)
Ever-so-slowly, the RIAA may be realizing that its lawsuits aren’t the best way to deal with piracy and the internet, and that maybe “licensing and offering great legal alternatives” might be the better play. (Downloadsquad)
Courts are working hard to boost their jury pools, now that “getting out of jury duty is a national pasttime.” (CNN)
Last week, a court ordered the Feds to pay over $100 million to four men who were framed by the FBI for a 1965 murder. (CNN)
But if he would’ve stopped, couldn’t he then have sued the police over his ensuing blue balls?
Last Friday, Nathan Blair appeared in court (via video) in a kilt to plead not guilty to charges of indecent exposure and public sex. Seems that in the wee hours of Thursday night/Friday morning, the 24-year-old Blair went out to a busy street wearing his black kilt, and started showing off his goods to passing motorists. He then went into his backyard and started going at it with a lady friend. The cops showed up at about 3:30 a.m. and ordered Blair and the lady to “cease and desist” their rumpus. And while the police lieutenant on the scene said folks usually stop their scrumping when ordered to by the police, the drunk Blair and his 20-year-old gal kept on keeping on. So they were arrested, of course.
This story reminds me of an old joke I believe I originally heard on “Dr. Demento” way back in the day:
So a Scotsman stumbles out of a local pub one evening and decides to pass out by a cozy looking tree. While he’s sleeping, two women happen by and notice the passed out man. “You know,” says one of the gals, “I’ve always wanted to see what those guys wear under their kilts.” So the two girls walk over and sneak a peak under the man’s kilt, where they find nothing but what God graced him with.
They decide to leave a gift as a thank you, and one of the girls takes a blue ribbon out of her hair, tying it around the sleeping man’s member. Later on, the Scot wakes up and wanders over to some shrubs to open his flood gates. After lifting his kilt he notices the nice little blue ribbon and, though he’s perplexed for a minute, he eventually figures it out: “Ah lad, I don’t know where you been, but I see you won first prize!”
America doesn’t hold the patent on brilliant criminals
No sir, stupid criminals can be found in every country on this diverse planet of ours. Take China, for instance, where Ren Xiaofeng and Ma Xiangjing, along with three others, are being tried with accusations that they stole 51 million yuan (almost $7 million) from the bank they worked at (making this the biggest bank robbery in China’s history). In and of itself, this would be nothing - just another example of bank employees thinking they could pull an inside job. But Ren and Ma’s ultimate plan was particularly special.
The two men were both vault managers at a branch of the Agricultural Bank of China. Ren got involved with two other men, and the three of them stole about 200,000 yuan. But Ren had a plan to avoid getting caught - he would use the stolen funds to play the lottery, and when he won, he could then return the stolen funds, splitting the rest of the winnings with his collaborators. So the robbery was more like a big loan, really.
And believe it or not, this actually worked – Ren won the lottery and managed to return the 200,000 yuan. But then he started collaborating with Ma and things got turned up a couple of notches - over a one month span, they stole almost 51 million yuan, spending 47 million of it on the lottery. They didn’t win anything back, and ultimately got busted before getting a chance to dump the rest of the stolen funds into the lottery.
When interviewed on the courthouse steps, Ma said that if he had the chance to do it all over again, he would totally spend the stolen yuan on hookers and blow instead of scratch tickets and the Powerball.
(And for those keeping count, the fifth guy on trial allegedly harbored Ma for a time while he was on the lam.)
Latest Vile Copyright Infringer: Dancing Baby
Check this cutish home video below: It’s an adorable 18-month-old toddler. And he’s dancing. What’s he dancing too? Well, if you listen really hard, you can sort of hear Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” playing on a very bad sound system in the background.
And, of course, that was enough to piss off Universal Music Publishing Group, which demanded the clip be removed from YouTube earlier last month, arguing that the background music infringed on its copyright. Universal notified Stephanie Lenz (the mother of the todder in the video) by bringing a DMCA claim.
Now, Lenz is actually suing Universal for damages (in cahoots with the Electronic Frontier Foundation), “alleging that the music in the clip was self-evident non-infringing fair use,” and claiming she was harmed “substantially and irreprably.”
Man alive — so much stink for a silly 29-second video. Seriously, the kid’s not even that cute.
… Nah, he totally is.
Oink. Oink.
Not that any of you care, but Nicole Ritchie pleaded guilty to DUI charges today and was sentenced to a whopping four days in jail, which will give her a chance to work on her diet.
Meanwhile, the far more entertaining story today involves a dentist who thought it would be hilarious to stick some phony pig’s tusks in his assistant’s mouth while she was under anesthesia. He took the tusks out before his assistance woke up, but he took pictures, which eventually circulated around the office and were given to the assistant during her office birthday party. So, his assistant — who clearly has absolutely no sense of humor — quit her job and sued the dentist.
But here’s the cool part (at least for this story’s dentist hero): The dentist’s insurance company refused to cover the suit, saying that the joke was intentional and not part of normal business operations. So, the dentist — whose name is Robert Woo — settled out of court for $250,000, then he sued his insurance company and won $750,000!
The ruling was appealed, but eventually upheld by the Washington state supreme court. So, the end result of the dentist’s practical joke was a $500,000 windfall.
And, of course, that’s the way he designed it from the beginning.
Woo’s lawyer, Richard Kilpatrick, described the surgeon as a kindhearted, fun-loving man who was chagrined that an office prank turned out so badly. He was delighted with the high court’s decision, Kilpatrick said.
Yeah. No kidding.
The Daily Memo - 7/27/07
The singer of the country song “Ten Thousand Angels” is not, apparently, among those ten thousand, as she’s been arrested and charged with attacking her mother. (Tennessean)
A plaintiffs attorney is suing his opposing counsel for asking “inhumane” questions in a deposition - in a case involving a baby’s death, the attorney asked the father if he thought his wife had a role in the child’s death by roughly handling the baby. (The Legal Reader)
The DEA recently raided 10 Los Angeles marijuana clinics which have been legal under state law since 1996, but remain illegal under federal drug laws. (The Legal Reader)
ATL’s got more info on the latest hub-bub (or lack thereof) over Saira Rao’s Chambermaid book. (Above the Law)
Nothing celebrates your release from prison like chopping up your buddy’s corpse and tossing him into the river! (WCBS)
A Florida jury has awarded $6 million in a product liability lawsuit where a Ford van rolled over onto a dude. (Law.com)
A QuizLaw Update — Sex with Dead People Not Illegal in Wisconsin
Last September, we ran a story here on Quizlaw about a man who saw a picture of a woman in the newspaper and thought she was so hot, he had to … er … tap that immediately. The catch, of course, was that she was dead — not that Nicholas Grunke (pictured) was going to let that stop him. He and some friends went out to the gravesite and decided to dig her up and give her a good shag. The men managed to get down to the concrete encasing the coffin before police disrupted their plot.
And earlier this week, a Wisconsin appeals court dropped the charges against the Casanova and his cohorts, ruling that they cannot be charged with sexual assault because necrophilia is not against the law in the state. Lawmakers are outraged:
Sen. Dale Schultz, R-Richland Center, introduced legislation Wednesday that would make having sex with a corpse a felony with punishment of up to 6 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. The bill would levy the same penalties against anyone who intentionally disturbs a burial site or a buried human corpse.
Weird state, man — you’ll recall that a similar problem arose in Wisconsin last November, only it was a dead deer a man was having sex with. /and, of course, Wisconsin had a statute outlawing sex with live animals, but nothing specifically prohibiting sex with animal carcasses.
There’s nothing for me to say here
This story, from Yahoo! News is entitled “Once, twice, three times arrested,” and the article really covers everything about as succinctly as one can:
ONEIDA, N.Y. - A central New York man hit the criminal justice trifecta, three arrests in three hours. Kevin Rich, 40, was charged early Sunday morning with soliciting money from people and loitering.
A little more than an hour later he was charged with disorderly conduct for stepping in front of a vehicle, causing the driver, an off-duty police officer, to slam on his brakes.
Around 2:30 that same morning, police say Rich was arrested a third time after taking money from people after telling them he ran out of gas and needed to get to another town. Police say Rich has no car.
Rich was sent to the Madison County Jail and is due back in court later this week.
I wonder if, after the second arrest, the cops started betting on how long it would be before they saw Mr. Rich for a third time. And actually, I’m surprised they tossed him into the clink after the third time. If it were me, I’d keep letting him go to see how long he could carry this thing out for. I mean, they might’ve blown a potential Guinness record here! …Ingrates.
That’s some serious squadush!
Back in March, a drug bust went down in Mexico. Executed jointly by Mexican and U.S. authorities, the target was Shanghai-born Zhenli Ye Gon. The 44-year-old has been living in Mexico for some time, where he was allegedly supplying the country’s drug cartels with one of the chemicals needed to make meth. For example, the Feds allege that just between December 2005 and August of this year, his company illegally imported over 86 metric tons of restricted drugs and chemicals. In total, they allege he had imported enough chemicals to make over 36,000 kilos of meth, which would have a street value of over $700 million!
So his home was raided back in March, and the U.S. and Mexico agents managed to seize a big hunka change. To the tune $207 million, to be exact. The U.S. Feds said this was “the largest single drug cash seizure the world has ever seen.” While this raid happened back in March, the story is back in the news because Ye Gon, who’s been on the run since then, was finally caught on Monday.
But the real reason I’m posting this is just to share the flabbergasting photo of what $207 million, mostly made of $100 bills, looks like. It’s not quite enough for Scrooge McDuck to swim in, but it’s not far off:
The Daily Jerk
I mean, what the hell else are you going to do in prison besides read the Bible and masturbate (not at the same time, mind you — that’s blasphemy)? It’s jail, man. Eat. Sleep. Crap. Masturbate. But noooooo. First they take away cigarettes, and now prisons are taking away masturbating.
At least that’s the way it seems out in Florida, where a 20-year-old man, Terry Lee Alexander was convicted of indecent exposure and sentenced to 60 days in prison after a female guard spotted him pleasuring himself.
The fun part of the case, though, is that during voir dire, the prospective jurors were apparently questioned about their own masturbation habits. All admitted that they had masturbated at one time. Then, during the trial, Alexander’s lawyer asked the female guard:
“Did other inmates start masturbating because of Mr. Alexander? Did you call a SWAT team?”
“I wish I had,” the deputy replied.
Ha! Of course, the guard has nothing against spit-shining the old water pump. She simply “objected to Alexander performing it so blatantly. She told the court that most inmates masturbated in bed, under the blankets.”
Of course, Alexander is in prison for auto theft and gun charges. So, we know that the resources of the court system haven’t been completely wasted, though this trial was ridiculously unnecessary, especially since Alexander’s 60-day sentence will be served concurrently. But that’s the efficient miracle of the jury system.
Evolution Hasn’t Caught Up with Everyone
Usually, we find dryly written stories about stupid people that we have to punch up ourselves. But God bless Thomas Lake over on TampaBay.com, as he did all the work for us:
Humans survived the last several millennia through hunting and gathering, adaptation to habitat and generally heeding the self-preservation instinct. This instinct warned your ancestors to avoid many things, including black water and wounded rattlesnakes, and in recent years it has expanded to advise you against blinding your driver with pepper spray while your car rolls through public streets.
But this instinct bows to free will.
Especially with a nudge from alcohol.
Lake is referring to Janine Marie Kelly, who got in a fight with her boyfriend while he was driving with her two young children were in the car. Apparently, she got so enraged during the argument that she pulled out a canister of pepper spray and doused him.
Good idea, Captain Genius.
Fortunately, no one was seriously injured.
The Daily Memo - 7/26/07
Supreme Justice Stevens says that the Supremes’ high reversal rate of Ninth Circuit decisions is “misleading.” (Law.com)
The New York woman whose husband-to-be was shot over 50 times by the cops on the day of their wedding has filed a civil lawsuit against the NYPD. (CNN)
Yikes - a judge had a heart attack and died, while sitting on the bench, in the middle of presiding over a case. (Rocky Mountain News)
Getting banned from Bill O’Reilly’s website for exposing hate speech? Naaaah … can’t be. (Daily Kos)
Looks like there’s gonna be a delay in the Boston judge’s decision about whether or not to throw out the Facebook lawsuit. (BloggingStocks)
How can the Roberts Court be reined in? (Slate)
What’s the big deal about having a little prostitution on your record?
Down in Orange County (“the O.C.” to you young hipsters), Brittany Ossenfort was arrested for prostitution. Only, it wasn’t actually Ossenfort that was arrested. Rather, it was Richard Phillips, a transgendered man who used to live with the real Ossenfort. Ossenfort said that she lived with Phillips for a year, thinking Phillips was actually a chick the whole time (she knew him as Michelle). Apparently Michelle/Richard started going all Single White Female on Ossenfort, trying to look and dress like her, and even getting a similar tattoo on her hand. Michelle/Richard eventually moved out and Ossenfort only later learned that he was actually a dude, something which she obviously found shocking.
Anyway, when Michelle/Richard was arrested for prostitution, he gave Ossenfort’s name and birthdate as his own. And this is where the story goes from “bizarre” to “you gotta’ love our criminal system.” A spokesperson for the jail said that the booking record cannot be changed – that is, because “Brittany Ossenfort” was the name Phillips gave and which he was booked under, that name stays on the books. Which means that the real Ossenfort has to deal with the fact that background searches are going to turn up a prostitution charge:
Brittany Ossenfort was told she may have to carry papers around with her for years documenting her identity, to prove she wasn’t the one arrested for prostitution.
I’m not the only one who thinks this is utterly ridiculous, right? I mean, why can’t there be something in place within the system that allows for re-booking under someone’s proper identity once it’s determined that they were booked under an alias or stolen identity? Madness.
Also, for the curious, here’s a photo of Ossenfort and Phillips, and there’s definitely a passing resemblance:
(The real Ossenfort is, I hope you can tell, the gal on the left.)
You might have a drinking problem if…
Shelby County, Tennessee is quite safe under the careful watch of Sheriff’s Deputy Dennis Clark. Well, if you consider an alcoholic drunk-driver with guns to be the sort of guy you want watching over your safety.
Last week, someone called for an ambulance when they saw Clark passed out in the driver’s seat of his pickup truck - seems he fell asleep while waiting for the red light to change. Hey - it happens to the best of us. He was hauled off and charged with a DUI after blowing a .09% blood alcohol level. He’s now been suspended with pay, and I’m guessing he’ll back on the job in the not-too-distant future.
And the reason I’m guessing this is because he wasn’t fired after a March incident that was almost as bad. He only got a 10 day suspension after strolling into a T.J. Mulligans while wearing his weapon, and then getting so drunk at the bar that he passed out cold (the recipe for this inebriation was apparently two beers, three shots of Jager and a martini). I mean, if passing out drunk at a bar while wearing your gun doesn’t get you fired, what’s a little DUI, right?
Right.
Well this story didn’t play out the way it would in the movies
Back in 2004, Willie Joe McAdams was sentenced to 40 years in the clink for shooting a Houston man, Cedric Thomas, in the head. Thomas wasn’t killed, thankfully, although he did wind up loosing his vision in one eye. Earlier this month, things took a potential bad turn when McAdams was accidentally released from prison just a tad too early. You know, like 36 years too early.
Seems there was some type of “clerical error” or “human error,” as the Texas Department of Corrections is spinning it, stemming from some information wrongly typed into the system back when McAdams started his prison-stint in ‘04 (someone typed a “4” instead of a “40”). Anyway, McAdams ended up going into a bar on the weekend of July 4th and finding Cedric Thomas, his former victim.
This is where the film version would’ve had thing get very ugly.
In reality, McAdams simply walked up to Thomas and apologized for shooting him, shaking Thomas’ hand.
McAdams has since been picked up and returned to the clink, where he still has 16 more years until he’s eligible for parole. That he didn’t turn himself in, knowing he was wrongfully out, will surely play against his parole chances. But on the other hand, the handshake/apology will surely play in his favor. Of course, he’ll have to wait 16 years to see which way the scale ultimately tips.
The Sun Don’t Shine in Florida
A few weeks ago, Seth told you about a husband/wife who were placed on the sex offender registry because the cops caught the wife going down on her husband in the carpool lane. Well, absurdity of the sex offender registry continues.
On Monday, a family driving a Mercedes Benz allegedly cut off the driver of a Chevy Tahoe, John Taylor Thomas. So, Thomas did what quite a few 21-year-old guys in his situation might do: He pulled down his pants and mooned the family. Well, it turns out there was a 14-year-old in the car. And in Florida, that means that Thomas can be charged with a “lewd and lascivious act in the presence of a child younger than 16.” And you know what that means, right?
Yep. If Thomas is convicted, he faces up to 15 years in prison and will have his name put on the sex offender registry forever. For mooning.
The irony here is that, at least in Maryland, mooning is a perfectly legal activity, protected by the First Amendment.
[Updating the story Dustin mentioned, the driving BJ couple appealed their case and the judge rightfully agreed that they did not have to go onto the registry. So no harm, no foul … well, as long as you ignore the fact that between attorneys fees and court costs, the lady and her hubby spent over $10,000. —SF]
It Looks Like Hillary Has a New Campaign Slogan
And I think that Meatloaf has joined the campaign.
(Source: Zombietime)
Nerrrrrrrrddssss…..Ahhhh! It burns! It burns!
Need those pesky weeds gotten rid of? Still have those sacks of mulch lying around but don’t want to pay someone to come pick em up? Simple. Just go into a chat room and call someone a nerd. You should have someone at your backdoor within a week with a can of kerosene, a shotgun, and a camera phone to capture the moment.
At least, that’s what happened to John Anderson, a 59-year-old Elm Mott resident. After getting into a chat room sparring match with Russell Tavares, a 25 year old Naval officer who I like to call “Sparky.” Tavares took a leave of absence from duty, drove 1,300 miles to Anderson’s home and used a homemade accelerant to set fire to a propane tank on Anderson’s property … all because Anderson altered a photo of Tavares to depict Tavares under a Revenge of the Nerds banner.
Whatever happened to challenging the jocks and preps to a pie eating contest? Or maybe a javelin throwing competition with a javelin designed specifically to respond to the limp-wristed movement of your token black frat brother? Ah, the good old days.
The Daily Memo - 7/25/07
If you try to break up with your boyfriend by setting him on fire, you might just find yourself in the clink. (KSDK)
Shocking! Minneapolis police might be issuing tickets and cracking down on driving violations because the city needs more money. (WCCO)
Fatty-fatty Charlie Weis lost his medical malpractice suit against the doctors who performed his gastric bypass. (SI)
An engaged Cincinnati homeless couple has been arrested for having sex on a busy street’s median during rush hour. (WCSH)
Two folks in Virginia, who have since been charged with public drunkenness, tried to escape from the cops on horseback. (ABC News)
The Patent and Trademark Office has been sued by some lawyers who don’t think the new Deputy Director has the proper qualifications. (The Trademark Blog)
So this means Cheney was a Slytherin?
A big fat hat tip to Marty Schwimmer over at The Trademark Blog, for the following succinct entry, titled Harry Potter and the Product Placement:
You have to wonder how much Scholastic Books had to pay to get the White House to make Voldemort president for a few hours on Saturday.
You know, there is a rather striking bit of similarity between the two:
Turns out Summer Associates Don’t Always Walk on Water
So over at Above the Law, David Lat’s been talking about the fact that it’s actually possible to get fired from a summer associate gig. The story that he’s speaking of involves a Chicago summer associate and as Lat states it:
His employment was terminated because (a) he allegedly engaged in inappropriate sexual conduct with female summer associates, variously described as “repeatedly smack[ing] the asses of female summers” or “playing grab ass with female summers,” and (b) he allegedly made racially insensitive jokes, in front of multiple attorneys.Lat then provides a proposed update to the rules of etiquette summer associates should follow including, primarily, no ass slapping.
Now I won’t name names of the firm or the people involved, but I know of another summer associate who was fired mid-summer, several years back, from an office that has a reputation for being very laid-back when it comes to the behavior of its associates and summer associates. Long story short, Mr. Summer Associate had been having a not-too-secret fling with Ms. Summer Associate. It doesn’t sound like he would’ve been fired or reprimanded for this at all. However, his decision to bitch-slap the hell out of Ms. Summer Associate at a firm event? Well that probably isn’t going to go over so well. And indeed, it did not – while the Slap Heard ‘Round the Office apparently took place with no witnesses, after-the-fact witnesses said there was a very pronounced palm-print on Ms. Summer Associate’s face. Unsurprisingly, this led to Mr. Summer Associate quickly being dismissed from the summer event and, apparently, never to be seen from again.
So those etiquette rules might need an additional “don’t bitch slap another firm employee” added to the mix. Seems like common sense, but I guess common sense things sometimes need to be spelled out for some folks.
Turn ons include walks on the beach, red wine, and finding people guilty of murder
Don’t ever say that we here at QuizLaw don’t appreciate a good romance. Take, for example, the tale of Tracy Nagy and Jonathan Cinkay. Last year, both received lovely little jury summons and they found themselves sitting on the same jury - Cinkay was Juror Number 6. while Nagy was Alternate Juror Number 3. The two had never met before, but according to the Daily News, they “made goo-goo eyes on the first day of trial.” After some prompting from other jury members, the two enjoyed a lovely lunch together, and things just blossomed from there. Said Nagy about serving on a juror with her beau: “It was a very good way to get to know someone.”
By the end of last year, the couple was engaged, and next month they’ll be married by Justice Daniel Lewis who was the judge presiding over the original murder trial. Lewis said he didn’t realize there was matchmaking going on during the trial, although he did think the jury seemed a bit more happy and “beaming” than most of the serious and somber juries he’s used to.
Of course, the real question is - will they invite the convicted murderer to the wedding? After all, they never would’ve met if it hadn’t been for him, right?
My Advice: Keep It in Your Pants, Mister
You see this guy to the left? I bet you look at him and think, “Damn, I’d like to know what his penis looks like.” Right? Right? Because I bet it’s HUGE. Right? I mean, he just looks like the kind of guy that’d have a 14-incher, right? I bet it could double as a nunchuck, and he could whip the hell out of half a dozen folks with it. I bet he could choke a hippopotamus with it, eh? And this guy is not only gay, but Italian — and you know what that means, right? Big Johnson.
Of course, you and me aren’t the only ones who wanted to take a gander at his garden snake. Apparently, this man — former Mitsubishi executive James Bonomo — took a trip to Beijing and while there, he had dinner with his Tokyo-based superior, Tetsuya Furuichi. And Furuichi was dying to see his dong. Furuichi took Bonomo out to liquor-fueled karaoke session and, once Bonomo got good and shitfaced, Furuichi began badgering him to show his penis. According to The NY Post:
Later that same night, Furuichi allegedly pressured Bonomo into visiting a bathhouse for what he said would be “a non-sexual massage” with the clients. En route, Bonomo’s boss regaled him with an analysis of his admiration for the purported genital size of Italian-Americans, he said.
Despite Bonomo’s discomfort, Furuichi continued on in that vein, allegedly saying, “Italian men have penises ‘down to here,’ gesturing to his knees.” The suit noted that Bonomo is both Italian-American and gay.
At the bathhouse, a colleague from Mitsubishi’s Beijing office, Yue Zhibo, took a picture of Bonomo’s penis on his cellphone and then “refused to delete the picture” when Bonomo demanded he do so, the suit states.
Bonomo was subsequently fired, and now he has brought suit against Mitsubishi International Corp, alleging that the picture incident effectively ended his career.
BREAKING: Here It Goes, Here It Goes Again
This is basically just a head’s up here at QuizLaw, to let you know that you won’t be hearing much about the CNN YouTube debate last night, nor the latest in the Gonzales saga, the Iran/US talks, or even the latest study to suggest that diet soda is linked to heart attacks.
That’s because a bigger story has just taken over the top fold of your local newspaper, the first segment of the national newscast, and the next 125 headlines on your RSS feeders: Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI, driving on a suspended license and possession of cocaine at about 2:15 a.m. this morning. She’d just left a six-week stint in rehab.
Here’s my advice to you: Don’t turn on live television for the next few days. Catch up on your TiVO backlog and start watching all of those awful Telemundo programs it suggests for you; let the newspapers pile up on your front porch; and disconnect your broadband connection, at least until Friday. Because for the next two to three days, it’s gonna be wall-to-wall coverage people. Wall-to-wall.
Zen, people. Zen. Deep breaths.
The Daily Memo - 7/24/07
QuizLaw Story Update: The Atwood’s debacle over $1.63 has been resolved, thanks to a settlement paid for by an anonymous businessman who intervened. (IOL)
Want an “executive summary” of the stylistic changes to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure? You know you do. (Dorf on Law)
A New York court has granted an injunction temporarily banning the enforcement of the New York lawyer advertising rules. (Sui Generis)
A judge lent a shirt and tie to Vinny Gorgeous, an accused mob boss, to wear during his murder trial. ()
Do medieval weapons have any place in the courtroom? (Legal Antics)
A British court has ruled that a teenage girl was not discriminated against when her school banned her from wearing a chastity/purity ring because it’s not “intimately linked” to the Christian faith or the belief in no premarital scrumping. (BBC News)
Should a man have to continue paying alimony when his wife enters into a formal domestic partnership with her lesbian partner? (LA Times)
“S” is for “Suck it, Bush”
Bush recently submitted a plan which would kill the $420 million slated to subsidize the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. As the good folks at TV Squad succinctly explain:
The CPB was created by Congress back in 1967 to shield public broadcasting from political influence. The funds they receive are distributed between PBS and local public television stations as well as National Public Radio and its affiliates.
In a rare showing of testicular fortitude, the House rejected this plan with a strong 357-72 vote, meaning “Sesame Street” and “All Things Considered” and all their public-airwaves brethren can remain. Good on you, House.
Who knew that Hermione would turn out to be a dude?
Yeah, that’s right - I just spoiled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for you. Turns out Hermione was holding a pair of aces under that robe.
The connection with our site, however, is because of an interesting trademark dispute over “Muggles.” As Potter fans know, “muggle” is the term used to refer to normal folk who can’t do magic. “Cafe Muggles,” meanwhile, is what Jim Salzer wanted to call a restaurant/nightclub he was planning to open way back in 1979. While that project of his failed, he just loved the term “muggles,” and so he kept his grimy mitts on the trademark registration he’s held since ‘79. This doesn’t sit well with Warner Brothers, obviously, who owns the Potter movie and merchandising rights, so they offered Salzer $1 million for his trademark rights. Salzer tossed a Cruciatus curse Warner’s way and told them to get bent.
While there has been another lawsuit over various Potter terms, including “muggles” (a case which ultimately went Rowling’s way), Salzer hasn’t thrown his hat into the litigation ring just yet. For now, anyway, he says:
I’ve never contested the use of the name. I never said you couldn’t use it in a book, or in the movies. That’s not an issue with me.
But he says it might just become a nasty issue if Warner Brothers starts marketing and advertising with the term. And so he and his lawyers are carefully watching what happens with the planned Potter amusement park scheduled to open in 2009, and it’s safe to say that he may well soon be tossing his sorting hat into the ring.
But here’s my question - trademarks are only valid when one continues to use them in commerce. If he hasn’t been using “muggles” since his failed 1979 restaurant endeavor, I’m not sure what claim he still has to the term. He has apparently created a cat character called “Muggles” which he’s used in advertising other products over the years. But his registration only lists “retail gift and novelty store services” and “restaurant and night club services” for the mark’s relevant goods and services, so he doesn’t have a broad range of protectable rights, to the extent he even has rights at this point – I guess it’ll come down to how much he’s actually used Muggles the Cat and in connection with what type of products.
(Hat tip to Likelihood of Confusion.)
It’s not all shanking and dropped soap when you break the law
Sure, breaking the law has a bad rap — you get caught, there are some messy court room proceedings, and you eventually end up in the clink. But if you happen to wind up the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center in the Philippines, at least you can get your choreographed “Thriller” on:
(Hat tip to reader Three Elle.)
They also like getting their Queen on, too:
There’s no accounting for taste
Last week, someone broke into the baseball stadium used by the New Orleans Zephyrs and stole a Coors Light truck, making off with 51 kegs of the silver bullet! They also snagged about ten grand worth of groundskeeping equipment, but they didn’t try to break into any of the offices to find some truly good steal-worthy stuff. And because they opted for the beer truck over the offices, the Zephyrs’ GM thinks the thieves must be a bunch of idiots: “You would think somebody who was going to break into a place like this would try to be subtle. … We couldn’t believe somebody was leaving the stadium driving a beer truck. I don’t know where they thought they were going to go with it.”
Not far, as it turned out.
Sheriff’s deputies recovered most of the stolen property that afternoon and the next evening within two miles of the stadium, according to Sheriff’s Office reports. The beer truck was intact, parked near an abandoned house with the keys in the ignition.
All isn’t lost for the thieving idiots, however, because: (a) the Sheriff’s Office doesn’t have any named suspects yet; and (b) there were only 38 kegs on the truck, meaning they got away with thirteen kegs of Coors.
Of course, I’m not sure whether having thirteen kegs of Coors Lite should exactly be considered a good thing.
Politician Stands Ground — Refuses to Kiss Criminal’s “Black Ass”
People often complain that their elected representatives, once they take office, often forget about their citizenry. That they’re too busy accepting bribes, kickbacks, or free trips from lobbyists to really listen to the concerns of the people who elected the representative.
Not true in Cleveland’s 11th Ward, where Councilman Michael D. Polensek actually takes time out of his busy day, on occasion, to send letters of a personal nature out to his constituents. Just this last week, an 18-year-old man, Arsenio Winston, got in a spot of legal trouble selling drugs in front of a convenience store, and Polensek took a few minutes to compose what I thought was a very thoughtful letter to Winston. In it, he wrote:
Mr. Winston, you have to be “dumber than mud.” Don’t you know that one of your so-called friends from the ‘8th- Avenue” gang ratted your stupid “ass” out that you were dealing drugs from the parking lot? They cut a deal. So much for your wonderful pals, you idiot. I am so glad that you are now 18 years of age, because now you are an adult and can no longer hide behind the juvenile court system, Mr. Quarterback, loser. Remember when you told me to “kiss your black ass” at R.J. Taylor Playground and that you were going to be an NFL Quarterback? Well, the NFL, despite perceptions, is “not for losers!” …
You are a “thug” and you know what? There are only two places you will end up at the rate you are going — that is, prison or the nearest funeral home. Quite frankly, I don’t care which one you get to first as long as your dumb stupid ass is out of my neighborhood.
For reasons that I don’t quite understand, Winston’s mother, Tonya Lewis, is actually considering legal action. She claims that the letter constituted a death threat, and that calling her son “dumber than mud” was a racist statement because “mud is black and dirty.”
No appreciation whatsoever. Ingrates.
Luckily, all inter-office emails refer to me as “Greek God”
Who’s got two thumbs and a complete inability to effectively multitask? Aileen Siu, that’s who! I’ve never had the misfortune of sending that one interoffice email that can bring your world crashing down around you because of a horribly misplaced typo, risqué verbiage … or calling Evon Reid, the young, black applicant for a political analyst position, “that ghetto dude.” *Smacks palm onto forehead*.
The one thing that might save the McGuinty government from the inevitable shit storm of lawsuits is the fact that Siu was not an employee of the office, but a public service worker. Whatever that means. Reid even received a personal message from Giles Gershon, deputy minister of communications, asking if he could apologize in person.
The only time I got an apology in person was when I got a Filet O’ Fish combo instead of the McFried Something combo.
Coyote Ugl … Oops. Are You Okay?
Amy Mueller, an Illinois resident, is suing her local bar and tavern after the bar had the goddamn audacity — the nerve — to “allow” the woman to climb up onto the bar and dance. Apparently, it is custom at Samy’s Bar and Grill for patrons to occasionally get a little sloshed and climb aboard the bar and shake their tooshies.
Mueller, no doubt shitfaced-retarded, stepped up onto the bar with the restaurant’s permission, and had a little oopsie, falling down and hurting her wittle ankle. Now, she’s suing the bar for $50,000, claiming that the bar had a responsibility to provide a step-stool or ladder to drunken patrons who want to climb aboard after one too many appletinis and shake their sweater monkeys.
Her attorney, who foams involuntarily whenever he hears a siren, insists he’s not an ambulance chaser. “I wouldn’t take a case I believe is frivolous. She completely shattered her right ankle. This isn’t, ‘I fell and bruised my back.’”
That’s right — because if she’d fallen and bruised her back, he never would’ve taken the case, because the going rate for bruised backs is only $5,000.
The Daily Memo - 7/23/07
The Senate Commerce Committee has passed a stupid bill overturning a NY court and re-allowing the FCC to fine broadcasters for accidental expletives. (Press Esc)
Big Papi’s being sued for $1 million over his alleged failure to autograph enough items at memorabilia “meet-and-greet” events. (SI)
Did you know there’s now a lawsuit going on over Terminator 4 and it’s not an action filed by fans of the first two flicks trying to stop the travesty that would surely be Terminator 4? (Cinematical
Sounds about right - the wacko fertility clinic nurse who killed her husband and stuffed his body into a suitcase has been sentenced to life in prison. (NJ.com)
Kang and Kodos love Blawg Review #118. (Blawgletter)
A new survey suggests that no-fault laws might actually increase the divorce rate by 10 percent. (Overlawyered)
“California gives sex offenders 45 days to comply with Jessica’s Law and move away from schools and parks.” (Nota Bene)
The House Committee on the Judiciary has approved the Patent Reform Act of 2007, and one of its sponsors is hoping to get it to the floor for a vote before the August recess (good luck with that buddy). (ars technica)
Your beverage is like bad medicine
Jon Bon Jovi might be getting ready to ride his steel horse to court, as he’s sent a cease-and-desist letter to Mijovi. Who or what is Mijovi, you ask?
Apparently, Mijovi is a company which makes a beverage of the same name which is sold at least in New Jersey. And old Jon Bon seems to think that this company/beverage name is just a touch too close to his own name for comfort.
The founder of Mijovi says the name doesn’t come from Jon Bon’s name, but is an ode to his girlfriend, whose name is Jovita. But as the WSJ Law Blog points out, “one of the product’s marketing slogans is ‘itsmilife,’” which sure seems close to the title of Bon Jovi’s track “It’s My Life.” After this was also pointed out in the cease-and-desist letter, the Mijovi founder stopped using the slogan, although he doesn’t plan to change the name, because he thinks Jon Bon is being unfair and unreasonable. If he thinks that Jon Bon is going to back down, however, I think that he’s … wait for it … wait for it … livin’ on a prayer!
Thanks - you’ve been great!
The latest fad in prisoner attempts to bust out of jail
There were these four prisoners in the El Reno federal prison who concocted a hilarious scheme to try to get out of prison. Allegedly, these four prisoners filed for copyright protection of their names (which you can’t copyright anyways). Then they sent demand notices to the warden, seeking millions of dollars as damages for the prison’s “wrongful” use of their copyrighted names on prison registries.
When no money came their way, they filed a lien on his property! And they also hired a guy to have the warden’s cars seized, to freeze his bank accounts and to change the locks on his house (a case of “we ain’t getting out, you ain’t getting in”). Once this was taken care of, they told the warden that he’d only get all his property back if they were released from prison.
But - ooopsies - the guy they hired never actually did what he was supposed to because, wouldn’t you know it, the dude just so happened to be an undercover Fed. So the warden’s stuff was never actually seized and the prisoners don’t get a “get out of jail free card.” Instead, they face various new criminal charges, which could add more years in the clink and some hefty fines. Well played, sirs.
Some things you just can’t make up
A guy named Leonard was arrested last Tuesday afternoon for public indecency at a local Cincinnati park. Apparently, he also tried to cop a feel off an undercover cop. That’s sorta a no-no, Leonard. The following Wednesday, he pled guilty to the public indecency charge, getting himself 6 months probation and a ban from all parks in the county.
Now here’s the one-two punch you can’t make up. One - the dude is 90-years-old! Two - the guy who’s accused with showing his winky in public? His last name is Dickman.
…And third-graders everywhere are giggling just a little bit.
So wait - you’re saying I can’t rest my laptop on my dog’s back when I’m trying to get work done?
A bill has been introduced in the Wisconsin legislature that provides details of how, exactly, a couple getting divorced should handle a custody battle. But not a custody battle over their kids - naaah, that’d be silly. We’re talking about pet custody here, people:
The bill would let couples specify, among other things, visitation rights and the right to move the animal out of state. If the feuding couple can’t agree on what to do with the pet, the solution is simple: A judge can either pick a spouse — or ship it off to a local humane society or shelter.
Whoever gets there first owns the dog, cat or even goldfish. If they wait too long, someone else could adopt their beloved animal or, depending on the shelter’s policies, it could be euthanized.
Wait, what? So if the couple can’t settle the matter on their own, and the judge doesn’t want to take sides, the poor animal gets shipped off to a shelter where its odds are, sadly, against it finding a new home?
A Republican state senator says that this is intended to remedy the fact that courts typically treat pets like property, ignoring the fact that there are emotional ties to the pets because, after all, “a dog is not a desk.” Fine, that’s all well and good. But how is sending a pet off to possibly be euthanized better than treating pets like property? In fact, as the article goes on to explain:
States traditionally consider animals to be property, so whichever spouse can establish ownership is granted custody. If ownership cannot be established, judges often try to figure out which person is the better caretaker and give the animal to him or her.
So basically, the only thing this bill really adds is that if the fight gets to the judge, there’s a new option of shipping the pet off to a shelter. I love lawmakers.
The Best Little 10-Year-Old Boy Ever
Semaj Booker lives with his mom in a suburb of Tacoma, Washington. And according to his moms, he doesn’t like the suburbs so much and would rather live with his grandfather down in Dallas. So last January, the then-9-year-old Booker decided to take matters into his own hands by steeling a neighbor’s car. The cops spotted him at some point and went after him, which then turned the whole thing into a highway high-speed chase. With a nine-year-old suspect leading the way, need I remind you. They only caught Booker when the stolen car’s engine blew, causing the car to crash.
But that’s nothing. Booker was released to his mother and the next day he snuck off to the local airport and managed to lie his way to San Antonio! The crafty kid told ticketing agents that he was 12 and that his mom was waiting for him in the boarding area - he then managed to get onto a plane from Tacoma to Phoenix and, in Phoenix, he was able to change onto another plane to San Antonio. Unfortunately, it was “so close yet so far” for young Booker, as he was busted in San Antonio and shipped back to his mom’s custody in Washington. Which makes sense, ‘cause she’s obviously doing a bang up job with him.
Child’s Play 5: The Conviction
You can breath easy folks, the 12 month reign of terror brought about by 12 year old Oliver Clinch has been brought to an end. No longer will you have to fear for the safety of your lawn gnomes, hide your prized Azalias, or keep your booze locked away. PC Graham Westwell can also now continue his career of cracking down on loiterers, and making sure that his crumpets don’t get soggy.
Clinch’s list of crimes include:
[Targeting] an Asian shopkeeper and his family with racial abuse at least a dozen times. Graffiti featuring Clinch’s name was daubed on the outside of the shop and the windows were smashed three times.
Clinch would also verbally abuse and spit at members of the public, subjecting them to a torrent of foul language.
On several occasions, he targeted women for abuse and made sexual remarks to a teacher after being expelled from school.
He also reversed his aunt’s car into the road and attacked her after she refused to drive him to a friend’s house.
Recently, he stole lead from the roof of the school, tried to smash a bus station window and stole a case of lager from an off-licence.
Now, with a ban on his troublesome activities in place, Clinch is suuuuure to be on the straight and narrow. Something else that just might work? A swift kick in the ass, people! A YEAR of lettin’ this kid get away with this crap??? Where I come from, five minutes after my first window breaking my ass would have been the color of a Netflix envelope.
The Daily Memo - 7/20/07
A state court ruled that the San Francisco 49ers are entitled to pat down fans entering Monster Park, even though the Niners suck and the team should be thankful that it even has fans. (ESPN)
By Supreme standards, Scalia’s a chatty Cathy. (Slate)
“Who is the ‘dean’ of the Supreme Court press corps?” (Above the Law)
The Oregon Supremes have ordered the Mormon Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to release financial information about its net worth, info that it’s tried to keep under wraps. (The Salt Lake Tribune)
A Spanish judge has taken away a father’s visitation rights after the wonderful father took his 10-year-old son to run with the bulls in Pamplona. (Reuters)
$57,000 worth of pot was confiscated from a FedEx Package after fabric softener didn’t prevent the drug sniffing dog from doing his job. (The Sun Herald)
Man alive, I sure don’t miss the summer days spent studying for the bar exam. (Above the Law)
NBC is gonna get sued for $100 million by the sister of a dude who got busted on “To Catch a Predator” and ended up killing himself. (Huffington Post)
All he’s missing is a shark with lasers…
Gajillionaire Henry T. Nicholas III is my new hero. Not only does he live in my neck of the woods (Orange County, CA) but the guy had a network of secret rooms and tunnels built into his Laguna Hills equestrian estate for the express purpose of indulging his alleged appetite for prostitutes and the drug Ecstacy.
But, the next time you decide to have someone build you a hidden debauchery lair … pay the people that built it. Oh, and have your assistant sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Nicholas allegedly used “manipulation, lies, intimidation and even death threats” to pressure “nearly every contractor and vendor” to do extra work without pay “at warp speed,” the Times said in citing court filings.
Kenji Kato, Nicholas’ previous assistant, filed suit last year for unpaid wages totaling $150,000 and echoed some of same things as the construction company that sued Nicholas: “Filings in the suit allege drug use and debauchery at a Newport Coast home owned by Nicholas, who denies the accusations.”
If you’ll excuse me folks, I have to go see a guy about a thing in a place. If you need me, I’ll be in Laguna Hills.
“Wade told me for $50, he’d kill a dog.”
We posted this video a year ago, and we’re following up with our second annual Wade Blasingame Remembrance (and for the record, the true brilliance of Will Ferrell’s performance here is how he makes his eyes totally dead):
Where’s my two dollars?!
This is ridiculous.
Kermit and Dolores Atwood have owned their Louisiana home, mortgage-free, since 1968. For a long time, their property was exempt from property tax. This changed at some point and in 1996, they owed a whopping $1.63 in property tax. A bill was sent out, naturally, but it went to a bad address and was returned to the sheriff’s office as undelivered. So in 1997, the house was sold in a tax sale to cover “the $1.63 in unpaid taxes, plus 10 cents interest and $125 in sale costs.” They lost their house over less-than-two dollars!
But it gets better. The Atwoods didn’t learn about this tax sale until 2000, about a week after the deadline when a taxpayer can reclaim sold property. The Atwoods took this whole debacle before the state’s Tax Commission, which did nullify the sale. However, in 2002, they tried to sell their house only to learn that there was a lawsuit pending, filed by a company claiming ownership interests in the house as a result of that tax sale.
And then the house suffered damage from Katrina (the couple is currently living in a FEMA trailer in front of the damaged home) and the Atwoods didn’t qualify for federal aid because their title wasn’t clear (that is, there was a cloud on the title because of this pending lawsuit). Last May, a court ruled that the Atwoods did indeed own full title in the property. The case was of course appealed to the Louisiana Supreme Court and the company’s president says that he doesn’t want a long drama, but that he wants his rights recognized. “I’ve been trying to settle this from the very beginning.” He claims that he’s begged the Atwoods to settle, offering to throw the case out for a payment between $2,000 and $5,000. Which seems reasonable, until you remember that they’re living in a FEMA trailer and probably can’t afford to pay shit for this hassle-lawsuit.
All this over $1.63. You really gotta love the legal system sometimes, don’t you?
A couple of years in prison isn’t enough for some
In Toledo, Ohio, 54-year-old Terry Walker has pled guilty to a third-degree charge of sexual battery. She’ll be sentenced later next month, and faces up to five years in the clink (and she’ll also get her name emblazoned on the pages of the sexual offender registry). This all stems form a long-term sexual relationship she had with her son, who is now 28.
The true sadness of this story is that her son, Kevin Ware, seems to have carried on the chain of abuse, as he’s now in jail because of pending rape charges over alleged sexual contact with a 7-year-old-girl. This mom and son should both be locked up for far longer than they likely will be.
The Daily Memo - 7/19/07
A Toronto judge has ruled “that Canada’s marijuana possession laws are unconstitutional.” (TheStar.com)
“Some five government witnesses and one juror got tossed because they read a blog about an ongoing criminal trial.” (May It Please the Court)
Fatty-fatty Steven Seagal is suing his former law firm, claiming that Loeb & Loeb’s $1 million fees were excessive (the firm represented him in 2002, when he appeared as a witness in a case involving a former business associate). (Law.com)
The District of Columbia is planning to appeal a Second Amendment case to the Supremes, and this could be a big deal if the Supremes grant cert. (Concurring Opinions)
“Microsoft patents the mother of all adware systems.” (ars technica)
Why Not Just Do a Rain Dance and be Done with It?
Alabama Governor Bob Riley has been dealing with the fact that his state is suffering a terrible drought right now. Crops are dying left and right, and there’s a concern that state rivers may not remain navigable without intervention by the Army Corps of Engineers (and nothing can go wrong with those guys on the scene, right?).
Stymied by this problem, Governor Riley issued an official proclamation calling for folks to pray for rain: “I, Bob Riley, Governor of Alabama, do hereby encourage citizens of Alabama to pray daily for rain.” Church leaders are of course in support of this proclamation, while the president of American Athiests is rather less supportive: “Words escape me. Are we really conjuring the rain gods to bring rain?” American Athiests is based in New Jersey, so my question is - what are they doing sticking their nose in Alabama’s business?
Common Sense Lesson #151
Ok. Let’s say you’re a deliveryman. And let’s say that you and your deliveryman partner have been tasked with delivering and setting up a television for someone in Cincinnati. And let’s further say that, after delivering the television, you and your deliveryman partner later realize that — whoops! — somehow you accidentally delivered and installed the television to the wrong person.
Do you (a) tell your boss, and let him handle it, (b) go talk to the wrongful-owner of the new TV, explaining that you never should’ve delivered it to them in the first place or (c) simply break into the home by popping out an AC unit, stealing the television back?
If you answered with (a) or (b), congrats - you’ve got common sense. If you answered with (c), I’m sorry to tell you that your name is Alan Chambers or Stephen Turner, and you’re now facing a burglary charge.
QuizLaw’s “Genius of the Month”
Our first ever “Genius of the Month” award goes to an unnamed Tallahassee, Florida man. This man, let’s call him Mr. Genius, was pulled over by Deputy Charlie McClure. McClure said he smelled booze on Mr. Genius’ breath, and asked him about it. At this point, Mr. Genius admitted that he had indeed been enjoying some beers from his 12-pack while driving. He was, of course, arrested and charged with a DUI.
Now the reason that Mr. Genius has earned this award isn’t because of any of this, exactly. Drunk driving is unfortunately all-too-common to earn Mr. Genius an award. Rather, he wins the award because of the reason he was pulled over. You see, Deputy McClure was riding behind Mr. Genius’ truck when a beer can was hucked out of the truck and, after bouncing off the road, landed on his patrol car! Which is, you know, sorta a hint that the driver of said truck might, just might, be boozing it up.
…Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that, if we actually keep up with this award, it’s going to go to a Floridian every month?
With apologies to “The Daily Show,” it’s time for This Week in God
God recently found himself sued in a Romanian court by 40-year-old Mircea Pavel, who’s currently in the clink for murder. Pavel sued God for “fraud, betrayal of trust, corruption and influence peddling” because the Lord Almighty failed to answer his prayers. Pavel’s complaint said:
At my christening, I made a deal with the defendant aimed at freeing me from evil. But the latter has not respected that agreement until now, although he received from me various assets and numerous prayers.
(Since the “defendant” in that blurb is God, shouldn’t the “d” be capitalized?)
Anyway, God managed to get out of this one relatively easily, as the Timisoara Court threw out Pavel’s case, noting that “God is not subject to law and does not have an address.”
The Daily Memo - 7/18/07
An argument against splitting up the Supremely-maligned Ninth Circuit. (Slate)
Is the fight over webcasting royalties boiling down to a battle over DRM and copyright? (Machinist)
The RIAA has been ordered to pay almost $70K in attorneys fees in the Debbie Foster case. (Recording Industry vs. The People)
The lawsuit brought by some orphans against ABC over “Extreme Makeover” has been tossed out of court. (Nota Bene)
The California Supremes have ruled that waivers you sign for sports may apply to negligent acts, but not to grossly negligent acts. (May It Please the Court)
The Cali Supremes also gave a billionaire permission to sue a California judge for malicious prosecution. (Law.com)
As a former physicist, I find the notion of analogizing the law and modern physics very interesting, and I do think it’s possible to make modern physics understandable to “not-physics-trained lawyers.” (Dorf on Law)
Judges Say the Darndest Things
Judge Ted Berry, a Cincinnati-area municipal judge, has raised quite a local kerfuffle. Ivan Boykins stood before Judge Berry, accused of trespassing and possession of marijuana. He pleaded no contest, and things turned to sentencing. Judge Berry offered to give Boykins probation, but Boykins wasn’t too keen on this idea because he wouldn’t be able to keep smoking weed while on probation. (Accord to the transcript, his exact words were: “No. I don’t want to do probation. I’m going to keep smoking.”)
So Judge Berry did what any of us probably would’ve done and basically said: “Fine, you don’t want probation? So you’re sentenced to thirty days in the clink.” I guess Boykins liked this even less, because he shouted out a hearty “fuck you” to Judge Berry.
Which is when Berry raised the minor k