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Sue ‘Em All — Let God Sort Out the Rest

suebastards.jpegYou know, more times than not, we write about the absurdity of huge tort cases — people suing for $60 million because the dry cleaners lost their pants, because they didn’t win the lottery, or because Starbucks dropped a little coffee on their wittle toesies.

But then I saw a story this morning, and even though a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet (there will be one — believe you me, there will be one), all I could think was: Sue the bastards. I don’t care for how much: $50 million. $300 million. $1 billion. And sue everyone within sight — I don’t care how tenuous their connection is to the eventual case. Sue the guy down the street for walking by at the wrong time. Sue the parishioner for not praying enough. Sue the freakin’ sky for looking so smug and blue. Just write up a bunch of legal complaints and start handing them out to random passersbys. Somebody needs to get sued.

Here’s the story, from Findlaw:

A six-year-old girl has been hospitalized after a horrifying accident at a swimming pool, when she sat on an open drain and a powerful suction pump tore out part of her intestinal tract.
Abigail Taylor was injured in the wading pool on June 29, according to her family.
Her father, Scott Taylor, told WCCO-TV that the suction caused a 2-inch (5-centimeter) tear in Abigail’s rectum and pulled out much of her small intestine. Doctors had to remove the part of her intestines that remained, according to the family’s lawyer, Bob Bennett.
Abigail remained in intensive care at Children’s Hospital on Thursday and appears to be doing better, Bennett said.
She was to undergo surgery on Friday, Bennett said. “She’ll receive her nutrition through a port for the rest of her life,” he said.

Jesus. You see what I mean, right? That poor goddamn girl. Add swimming pools to the ever-expanding list of places my children will never be allowed to visit.

| Comments (4)


It's not the first time something like that has happened. If you've never read Palahnuik's "Haunted," there's a true story in there about something similar happening to a guy, and he had to bite off his own intestines to escape.


I agree though, if the manufacturers put the drain in a place where a child could easily sit on it, they should get sued and some sort of "fix" should be provided to anyone else who bought one.

This is not the first time this has happened. I probably heard about it for the first time 5 or more years ago on 20/20 or some show like that, and I remember being horrified for a few days after.

I personally hate/fear pools after a girl drowned at pool where I live and that I went to quite often. Stories like this just make it worse.

This has happened several times in the past. In fact, it's where John Edwards had his biggest litigation victory - the jury here in NC awarded 25 million and the pool company settled for that much rather than risk punitive damages. Apparently the prior lawsuits haven't gotten the point across.

Oh my God. All I could think of when I read this was Palahniuk's story "Choke." Yegh. The story creeps me the fuck out anyway--I really hate thinking of it actually happening to some kid.