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Necrophilia is Always Funny

grunke.jpgOkay. We’ve encountered some really twisted stories since we began QuizLaw, but The Smoking Gun brings us a tale that makes America Pie’s Jason Biggs’ bizarre quest to rid himself of his pesky virginity pale by comparison. So, the story goes as follows: Nicholas Grunke (that handsome feller you see pictured) saw a photo of woman in the newspaper and decided right then and there that he just had to have sex with her. The only problem was, the picture he saw was in the obituary section – the 20-year-old lady in question had died the week before in a motorcycle accident. But a little thing like death isn’t enough to stop an enterprising young man from getting himself some. So, Nicholas and a couple of his pals decided that they were going to rob the lady’s grave so he could have his way with her corpse. And Nicholas, ever wary of sexually transmitted diseases, even stopped by a Wal-Mart on his way to the grave to pick up some condoms.

Unfortunately for Nick, police saw a suspicious vehicle parked outside the cemetery and ultimately disrupted their plot, though not before the men had dug a hole down to the concrete encasing the coffin. Nicholas and his pals are now facing five years for sexual assault and theft charges. Man Alive: Those emo kids are really taking it to a new level these days.

And, in a completely unrelated story, we’d like to note that 70-year-old Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy was hospitalized over the weekend to have a new stent put in a coronary artery. There doesn’t appear to be any lasting damage to his heart, thankfully. And c’mon, Justice Kenney. Just hang in there another couple of years, big guy. We need a reliable swing vote to keep the Court interesting.