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Killing Time in Minnesota

minnesota.gifPoor Minnesota. Though it’s a lovely state with beautiful lakes and a nice liberal bent, it’s known to the rest of the country as the state that elected a wrestler as governor. And, before that, as the only state to vote for Walter Mondale (its native son) versus Ronald Reagan in the landslide 1984 Presidential defeat. Minnesotans: They’re loyal! Situated in the middle of the country, their brand of liberalism is also a bit different than the socialist, welfare-state bastards on the coasts: Minnesotans like feminism, but they’re not above chivalry.

Indeed, here’s what you might expect from the typical Minnesotan man: Out in Duluth (Go Bulldogs!), Wayne and Kathie Boniface returned home from a night on the town only to discover a burglar in their house. Wayne, a sprite 69-year-old man — probably a typical lefty inclined to give the burglar a sandwich and send him on his way — was overcome by his protector instinct when the burglar laid hands on his wife.

“As soon as he grabbed my wife, I had him in the kitchen wrestling him to the ground in a head-lock and arm-lock,” Boniface said.

And wrestle, he did. After a five-minute scuffle — and thanks in part to baggy jeans, which have not yet been outlawed in Minnesota — Boniface had taken the burglar’s clothes off: pants, underwear, and shoes. The burglar was flopping in the wind as he took flight.

When police arrived and asked Boniface if he could identify the burglar, he said. Yep. “I believe he’s the only guy running nude in Duluth.”

He was apprehended about 20 minutes later.

Now, vote for Al Franken next year, Minnesota. And we’ll love you for being the state that voted for a comedian.