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Monthly Archives: August 2009

Just Because I’m an Ignorant Black Man Doesn’t Give You the Right To Be a Worthless Tool

alec-baldwin.jpgApparently, Alec Baldwin recently told Playboy that he’s thinking about moving to Connecticut because he would like to run for Senate against Joe Lieberman. He’s thinking about it, he says, because he’s got “no use” for Lieberman. Amen, brother. Lieberman is about as big a tool as the Senate has to offer.

Lieberman, for his part, is up for the challenge. But he might want to think twice about that. I mean, can you imagine Lieberman debating a tour de force like this? It would be epic … and Lieberman would lose in a fucking landslide.

Baldwin ‘12!

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Scalia done been called out!

scalias.jpgLast week, Alan Dershowitz called the Scalia to the mat. In a recent dissent in a death penalty case, Dershowitz says that Scalia says the Constitution doesn’t forbid the execution of a death penalty convict who later is able to convince a court he’s actually innocent (I say that this is what Dershowitz says the Scalia says because I haven’t actually read the dissent, and only have the excerpts Dershowitz gives us to go on — but it sure comes out that way). Dershowitz then cites to a piece written by Scalia back in ‘02 where he said if his religion ever conflicted with his ability to judge, he’d step down from the bench.

So Dershowitz is calling the Scalia out:

I invite him to participate in the debate at Harvard Law School, at Georgetown Law School, or anywhere else of his choosing. The stakes are high, because if he loses—if it is clear that his constitutional views permitting the execution of factually innocent defendants are inconsistent with the teachings of the Catholic Church—then, pursuant to his own published writings, he would have no choice but to conform his constitutional views to the teachings of the Catholic Church or to resign from the Supreme Court.

Whaddaya say, Scalia?

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Things Not to Do

snowy-road.jpgThat’s right boys and girls, we’re back with another exciting installment of everyone’s favorite list of common sense items, Things Not to Do!

1) Don’t drive drunk.

2) Don’t drive drunk at 1:13 in the morning.

3) Don’t drive drunk at 1:13 in the morning on a snowmobile.

4) Don’t drive drunk at 1:13 in the morning on a snowmobile in July, on one of the hottest days of the year.

It will come as no surprise that Mr. Joseph Quigley, a 31-year-old Vermont man, was found to have a BAC of .183%. Nor should it come as any surprise that this was Mr. Quiglye’s fifth DUI.


Reason Number 325 Why I’ll Never Move to Texas

texas.jpgBecause this fall, a 2007 Texas law goes into effect, having all public schools, under mandate, teaching the Bible.

Obviously, many folks are on board with this. Some aren’t:

Tyler resident Havis Tatum disagress with Tucker. He said, “I don’t want anybody teaching their religious beliefs to my child unless they want to send their child to my house and let me teach them my religious views. There is no difference.”

Sorry Havis, but you have too much common sense for Texas. I’d take your family and move the fuck away while you still can.

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Half of Me Says They Should Be Heavily Punished, The Other Half Is Jealous That I Didn’t Do This as a Dumb Kid

go-karts.jpgA pair of Missouri teen broke into a local go-cart joint and took their stolen goods to the local interstate.

Witnesses reported seeing the go-carts driving down the highway.

“Some people driving by thought it was odd there were go-carts on the highway, so they called in and reported it,” Cool Crest’s Kyle Breon told KMBC’s Peggy Breit.

Only some people who saw the go-carts on the interstate thought it was odd? Really? I want to meet the guy who ws all “ah, just another day on I-70, with some go-carting kids passing me on the right.”

The two 14-year-olds were arrested after a brief police chase.

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Wanna get some pizza?

pizza-slice.jpgYes, things have been quiet around the QuizLaw front. Can’t be helped, children. Dustin’s days are busy running the best little entertainment review site in this corner of the interwebs, and I’ve been busy being a law talking guy. Times are tough, yo, and we got bills to pay. And the QuizLaw don’t pay our bills.

But that’s all beside the point, because there are more important things to talk about. Like the Florida man responsible for this headline: “Man arrested for hitting girl with pizza.” But lest you think he assualted just any girl, let me clarify — it would be his teenage daughter who was assaulted by a slice of pizza being flung at her neck.

Deputy Nick Vickers says the man used racist and sexist terms when he asked his daughter to turn off her computer, and she fired back with some crude language of her own.

Vickers says the father “intentionally threw a slice of pizza at the victim, striking her in the back of the neck, against her will.”

So the daughter called 911, Daddy Dearest was arrested, and I was compelled to post on QuizLaw. Thank you Florida, you neeeeever disappoint.