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What a Jerk (Off)!

423001.jpgI worked my way through college and the year between graduation and law school in two universities libraries, for a grand total of nearly five years — shelving, stamping, fining, and abusing private carrels for romantic purposes. You work in a university library, you run across a lot of nutcases, though they are mostly harmless, extremely pale Ph.D. students in 10-year programs researching something hideously obscure and uninteresting.

But you’d also be amazingly surprised at how often we encountered a major problem: Masturbating patrons. I kid you not. There must be something about college libraries that attracts skeevies, or else regular academics cooped up for so long in the library that they’ve lost all sense of real-world perspective. In Boston, it was just about a once-a-month problem — some guy would wonder in off the streets, pick up a newspaper, and pick a seat across the way from come co-eds and take care of his business while leering away.

Foul stuff.

Earlier this week, it happened at the Penn State library, only instead of some homeless guy in off the street or an academic type going stir crazy, it was a star basketball player of the Nittany Lions. Stanley Pringle “sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating.” And it wasn’t even the first time: Last month, a man with a similar description entered a school building “behind the woman and followed her to the stairwell landing where he began to masturbate.”

Have people no shame? What possess a guy to follow a woman around while masturbating? How weird is that?

Well, at east he’s not fornicating with a picnic table.

| Comments (3)


I have to say, after spending more years than I care to admit in academic libraries, the masturbation thing is recognized the world over. Of course, it's also the least bizzare sexual behavior experienced in the libraries where I've worked. The Toe Licker and Mr. "Tinkle-Bell" are amongst my favorite stories of perverts past; everyone is always so shocked to hear what goes on in the sordid stacks.

Sex in the library = hot!

Wanking off in the library = yuck!

We shouldn't make fun of S. Pringle. After all once you pop you can't stop.