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We’re the sauce on your steak, we’re the cheese in your cake

bart-after-dark.jpgForty-five-year-old Christopher T. Haupt, of Sarasota, Florida, was just looking for a nice day at the park. So when he found out that a new local park, Payne Park, was having a grand opening, you better believe Haupt was there. Trouble is, he was there with an open booze container. Turns out that it’s just a bit illegal to have open containers in public, so the cops wandered over to arrest him. The arresting officer, Scott Patrick, says that Haupt was rather displeased at this situation and began cussing at Patrick. Patrick asked him to kindly stop with all the foul language, especially since there were kids around. But Haupt apparently said balls to that and kept on with his cussing ways. Think of the children, Haupt - think of the children!

But Haupt did not think of the children. So now, he’s got a second charge to go with that open container charge - a misdemeanor for using profanities addressed to a child. Yup - there’s a municipal code banning “Offenses Against Public Morals,” and section 21-86 of that codes says that folks can’t use “vile, indecent, profane, vulgar, obscene or improper language in the presence of or addressed to a” minor.

Man, with my gutter mouth, I’d probably be charged once a week under this ordinance.

The list of “Offenses Against Public Morals” also includes a ban on gambling boats and public nudity. But my favorite is that it says you can’t visit “a house of ill fame.” Now come on! Haven’t they ever seen the “Bart After Dark” episode of “The Simpsons?” I mean, we learned how important the Maison Derriere was to Springfield (it puts the spring in Springfield, don’t you know?). Maybe the folks in Florida should be a little more open minded. Don’t they want something that puts the highlights in their hairdo, that’s the extra arms on Vishnu?