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We may have to update our TV parody image of the Scalia

scalias.jpgYou have to love The Scalia, you just have to. He was recently up in Canada, ay, participating in a panel on torture and terrorism. One of the Canadian judge’s on the panel (Justice Richard Mosley) made a remark which fired up The Scalia. Said the Canuck Judge: “Thankfully, security agencies in all our countries do not subscribe to the mantra ‘What would Jack Bauer do?’ “

Well being a “24” fan, there’s just no way The Scalia is going to take such silliness in stride. No sir - he’ll defend Agent Bauer to the bitter end because “Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. … He saved hundreds of thousands of lives.” And most importantly, says Scalia, Bauer’s strong-arm interrogation techniques have proven highly effective on the show:

Are you going to convict Jack Bauer? … Say that criminal law is against him? ‘Youhave the right to a jury trial?’ Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don’t think so.
So the question is really whether we believe in these absolutes. And ought we belive in these absolutes?

The panel went on to debate such interrogation tactics, and Justice Mosley got The Scalia fired up again when he said that any government which respects human rights can’t get its hands dirty with torture: “The agents of the state, and the agents of the Canadian state, under the Criminal Code, are very much subject to severe criminal sanction if they would engage in torture.” But the Scalia said it was poppy-cock to make agents play softball.

The excellent article from the Canadian Globe and Mail detailing this story then ends by providing us with this helpful “Gospel according to Jack:”

“Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son.”

“I don’t want to bypass the Constitution, but these are extraordinary circumstances.”

“I need to use every advantage I’ve got.”

“If we want to procure any information from this suspect, we’re going to have to do it behind closed doors.”

“I’m talking about doing what’s necessary to stop this warhead from being used against us.”

“When I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish that you felt this good again.”

“You don’t have any more useful information, do you?”

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Comments

That is hilarious. Damn Canadians and their preternatural sense of humor.

Is it okay to be scared that a Supreme Court Justice actually used a Fox show as precedent for supporting torture? And if that is indeed the case, why not use Idol?

Dear Seth,

It is spelt 'eh'. Not 'ay'. Eh?