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Stop Your Bitching, Granny

old%20lady%20hair%20web.jpgIn Worthington, PA yesterday, some lady got a jury summons, and now she wants to get out of it.


An Armstrong County woman is hoping to get out of a jury summons she received on her birthday. Her 102nd birthday.
Lois Reed of Worthington got the county jury summons on her birthday Monday. It was mixed in with some birthday cards and other mail she received.

Frankly, Lois, that’s just bullshit. You’ve got a civic duty — a moral obligation to perform jury duty. You think being 102 is an excuse? Ha! If anything, you should feel even more inclined to serve — you’ve been sucking the teat of America for a 102 goddamn years. It’s time to give back, lady. And your lousy excuses — bunions, arthritis, kidney failure — just don’t cut it in the US of fucking A. How many years have you been on Social Security, huh? Probably five decades or so, right? And you can’t get off your old, wrinkly duff, pick up your goddamn walker, and mosey on over to the courthouse for a few days? That’s just lazy. And shows a complete lack of respect for your country. And God. Because God invented the United States (and push-up pops) and the man let you survive on this Earth for this long so you could finally fulfill your obligation instead of sitting around your geriatric-smelling house thumbing through birthday cards and reminiscing about Prohibition.

This is why people think Americans are pampered. And this kind of behavior — wanton disregard for the rules — is what has inspired the whores in our middle schools to go around hugging people in public.


| Comments (2)


Wow, Dustin keeps bringing up that "hug" story... I think Dustin needs a hug. Seth, you nearby?

Too far away to give the boy a hug, but I know some locals, so I'll see if I can work something out for Dustin.