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Question: What do these three stories have in common?

paris3.jpgIn Seattle, Washington, an unidentified man stood over his bathroom sink yesterday morning, clipped his toenails, and swabbed his inner ears with Q-Tips. Briefly, he had ear wax lodged in his left ear, which muffled his ability to hear for about 12 minutes, until he successfully dislodged the small clump by slapping his palm against his right ear.

In the town I grew up in, a new noise ordinance was passed. Eight of the town’s nine alderman voted in favor of it. It prohibits excessive noise between 10 p.m. and dawn Monday through Saturday, with certain exceptions, like emergency vehicle sirens.

In Lynwood, California yesterday, Paris Hilton was transferred out of the medical ward and into the normal all-women’s prison facility in Los Angeles. She is serving the 12th day of her likely 23-day sentence today.

Answer: I don’t give a shit about any of the three. Unfortunately, that last item – which is no more or no less interesting than the first two items, greeted me at nearly every motherfucking website I visited this morning.

You brought this on yourself, America. Now make it stop. Please.

| Comments (3)


Yes. Please.

What? No URL for the story about the guy with ear wax? But that sounds so interesting...

Surely he didn't swab his INNER ear?


That's actually quite a feat!