Pedro Full of Grace
The new (*cough*) and improved (*ha*) U.S. Immigration Customs and Enforcement Department is ramping up its efforts, not only to keep Hispanics out of the country, but to help move along Social Darwinism in the United States. No longer do you have to be an illegal immigrant to be deported, now mental retardation gets you the boot, as well!
Such was the case for Pedro Guzman, a mentally disabled, 29-year-old U.S. citizen who, after being arrested for misdemeanor trespassing, was deported to Mexico. His mother is now frantically searching for him and has, with the help of the ACLU, brought suit against the Department of Homeland Security and the L.A. County Sheriff’s department. Guzman was born in California, which makes him a citizen — and police could’ve learned that by simply cross-checking his criminal record, checking his birth certificate, or, you know, listening to Guzman, who told the police he was a U.S. citizen.
But, you know how Homeland Security is these days — revved up and ready to get rid of anyone. And they saw a mentally retarded man and their eyes bulged: “He’s brown and retarded?! Holy Shit — If we get rid of this guy, a real-life Republican politician may give me a pat on the head!”
Well, if you’re going after the retards, I know a certain starletard in an L.A. prison who could use a little deportation action — if you pull off that feat, I’ll come by and pat you on the head, Mr. Homeland Security Guy.