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Man’s Best Friend Takes on an Entirely New Meaning

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In Michigan, it is a crime to have sex with a dog. No surprise there, right? Well, Michigan law does not specifically outlaw sex with a dead dog, which is the defense that Ronald Kuch attempted to mount against charges that he had, in fact, sodomized a deceased canine. Kuch’s attorney argued that a dead dog is not an animal and therefore could not be violated against its will.

A Michigan judge, however, rebuffed Kuch’s defense, deciding that charges of sodomy and indecent exposure would go ahead against the dead-dog fucker. He is scheduled, also, to have a hearing on May 30 to determine if he is a “sexually delinquent person,” which seems like a no-brainer.

Indeed, Kuch is accused of having sex with his girlfriend’s dog about a week after it got hit by a car. A teacher at the local school was leading an Animal Control officer to the carcass, so that he could dispose of it, when they ran upon Kuch, taking care of his business. Kuch allegedly scuffled with the officer (whether that was before or after removing the carcass from himself is not specified) before running off into the woods.

But you know what the craziest thing about this whole ordeal is? It’s not the first time our nation’s court system has had to grapple with this issue. In fact, only a few months ago, Seth wrote up a similar case, in which a man argued that a Wisconsin statute did not outlaw sex with an animal carcass. In that case it was a deer, and I can’t decide if that’s better or worse.

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that guys a real sicko