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Killing Time in Florida — Revisited

florida-county-map.gifI knew we couldn’t stay away from the state of Florida for very long. There’s no place on Earth like it — sun, Disney World, senior citizens, and the dumbest, sickest, most morally deranged citizenry in all of America. Amen and pass the ammunition.

And, perhaps I jumped the gun (oh, fuck the pun) when I said that handing out water guns to kids had no effect on their propensity toward violence, because I suddenly get the feeling that 16-year-old Jacob Brighton played with an awful lot of water guns as a tyke. Why? Cause he blew away his parents.

Not that he didn’t have a good reason to snuff out their very existence. Were they abusive? No. Did they shortchange his allowance? No. Did they make him do all the lawn work? Not that I know of.

Well why, you ask, did Brighton shoot his parents to death?

Oh, because he didn’t want to disappoint them. Of course!

Jacob Brighton said he shot his parents last month because he always felt like a disappointment to them because he didn’t have a job, smoked marijuana and didn’t share the same “qualities or interests” as his father, according to the recently released documents.”So there’s nobody, now there’s nobody to be disappointed in me, try to make me lead … their life,” Brighton said.

Well, I suppose he could’ve gotten a job. Or stopped smoking fatties. But, yeah — he’s right. This was a lot easier.

Florida public schools! Catch the fever!

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DAMN, there goes my platform of legalizing pot to halt violence...