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Killing Time in Florida

florida-county-map.gifMan, we may have to stop by Florida and kill some time on several occasions this week, because no state is as messed up as the nation’s penis. I don’t understand it, either. What is it about Florida? It seems like they not only commit the most heinous crimes, but the dumbest. And it’s never limited to the simple folk — the politicians are just as crooked and debauched as the citizenry, even the failed politicians.

Take Keith Sawyer, a Democrat and repeat loser of local elections, who apparently got so frustrated with his losing ways he sought out a threesome. With a 15-year-old girl. In exchange for crack cocaine.

The only problem was, the other female in the scenario was a police informant. And when the informant asked Sawyer what he wanted to do with the 15-year-old, Sawyer gave a very political answer: “I don’t want to sound like a pervert, but whatever she wants to do.” As long as what she wanted to do involved sex and fellatio. When he arrived for the three-way, he was arrested. But, just like a Floridian, he didn’t have the crack with him — the man apparently wanted his underage threesome and his cake.

Of course, it gets a lot worse in Florida. Last week, for instance, St. Petersburg City Council Chairman John Bryan (a Republican — both parties are crooked and immoral in Florida) killed himself. Why, you ask, would a “hometown business hero, a pillar of the community, and powerful voice on the City Councilman” inhale golf cart exhaust in his garage (seriously — a golf cart?). Oh, because he’d molested two underage girls, who were his adopted daughters. He also allegedly sexually abused his former nanny, who is also one of his adopted daughters, although Bryan insisted that the affair occurred after she was 18 and was consensual, you know, because that makes it OK. Of course, only in Florida, would she choose to be a nanny for the man that molested her, anyway.

Damn, Florida.

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Comments

God damn it Florida.

For so long I thought I was the only one who recognized Florida as the most fucked up state in the country. I would tell people this and they would give me a blank look. It's always nice to be validated.

Yeah, we got some problems down here. But no way we're worse than California. No way.

Also, when it's January and y'all are freezing your asses off, I'll be sitting on the beach, lovin' life.

Yeah, Florida. On the sex advice radio show Love Line they sometimes play a game called "Germany or Florida" where they read a bizarre news story to a caller who guesses if it happened in Germany or Florida. I haven't listened in a long time but if memory serves, it's usually Florida.

And I moved from London to live in backwater FL. I have been pretty shocked at the local shennagigans over the course of the last five years...(many think I am crazy for moving over here) but it is entertaning to see what the resdents of my home state are going to get up to next (sex abuse aside). I never realised I lived in "the nations penis" how lovely ;-)

I don't think they have played that since Adam left, jbrader. But it was always Florida.