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The Whole World: Humorless Bastards

onion_imagearticle2916.jpgDon’t get me wrong, folks. I’m a huge proponent of gun control. Hell, if I had my way, the Second Amendment wouldn’t exist at all. There’s not a single goddamn use I see for guns, except for movies like Shoot ‘Em Up to exist (which I’m all for — fake violence gets me through the week).

But, damn: Some people have got to take the huge cheese wedge out of their asses. Take James Sano, a Common Council member in Albany, N.Y. He’s got his britches all in a knot because the local library in Albany, in an effort to encourage children to read, gave out water pistols to any kid that read four books. Sano’s thoughts:

“They must have been out of rubber knives and candy cigarettes that day,” Sano said as he waved the toy gun during the council’s caucus last week. “They couldn’t give out books or bookmarks? … I was surprised and disappointed that this was a prize that was given away,” he said. “We shouldn’t send mixed messages to kids that we give a replica of a firearm.”

The library conceded it was a mistake to hand out the water pistols, because that’s what libraries do in the face of uptight politicians. But, come on: First of all, it’s a freakin’ water gun — they squirt water. It’s annoying. Kids love them. Hell, some kids might even love them enough to read a goddamn book. And you know what, Sano — kids that read: They can tell the difference between a water gun and a real one. You know what message you send when you give away a water gun, douchebag? That it’s fun to squirt your Dad in the face with a stream of water. Not that it’s OK to shoot your Dad in the face with a 9 mm pistol.

There’s some irony in that this year’s theme at the Albany library is “Get a Clue at Your Library.” Clearly, Sano needs to pay a visit.

| Comments (1)


Damn, in my day you got a free pizza from dominos for reading a certain number of books. I guess they don't want to push the whole Americans are Obese thing on kids. So water pistols instead? I don't know, that wouldn't have been an incentive for me to do anything as a kid. Of course neither would a bookmark.