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Killing Time in Arizona

arizonaDesert.jpgArizonians laugh at those who say the best way to kill time is by driving nude and getting their self-love on. No sir. In the desert, they kill time the old fashioned way - heavy drinking. But Christopher Billie, a 37-year-old Flagstaff man, decided that simple drinking wasn’t enough, which is why he was recently arrested and charged with auto burglary.

After getting his drunk on, Billie stumbled by the Our Lady of Guadalupe Church, where a funeral was going on. Billie made the wise decision to allegedly climb into the hearse. This is where things could go very bad with this story. I mean, if I said to you, “a drunk man climbs into a hearse,” you would surely expect a disturbing punchline.

Luckily, Billie spares us such nastiness. Turns out he simply wanted to steal some flowers!

The funeral director saw Billie climb into the hearse and prudently called the cops. As he continued to watch the hearse while waiting for the cops to roll up, the director saw Billie begin to snatch various flower vases. When Billie tried to leave, the mortician kept him around so that he could be arrested proper-like.

Asked what the flowers were for by crack-shot QuizLaw reporters, Billie said he was planning to eat them to cover the smell of booze on his breathe, because the ladies don’t like when you smell like a boozehound.