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It’s Naked Tuesday!

nakedtuesday.jpg Hey folks — take your shoes off, as well as everything else you’re wearing, prop your feet up, and get excited because it’s everybody’s favorite theme: Nudity.

First up, out in Santa Cruz, California — where it’s always warm enough to walk around in the buff — police responded to an early-morning altercation after an all-night party and broke up an argument between 35-year-old Lisa Isidro and her boyfriend. While the cops were talking to the boyfriend, however, Lisa took off like a (naked) bat out of hell, ran into the street nude, swung her purse at the fuzz, and jumped in a police cruiser (I hope it wasn’t leather interior).

“She went out into the street in a crazed state,” [a police officer] said. “She had a lit cigarette, which she began to chew on the burning end. [Another office] knew then he was dealing with someone who was possibly under the influence of a controlled substance.”

Possibly?! Well, things got better when Isidro decided to gun the cruiser’s engine and drive toward a police officer, who unloaded one round of ammunition into Isidro’s naked thigh, barely missing the bulls eye. Isidro drove a little further before crashing the police car into another automobile. She’s fine though — she was treated and released into police custody, who presumably gave her an orange jumper to wear.

Elsewhere, in glorious Middleton, Ohio (where the highs are still in the balmy 30s), 40-year-old Billy Spencer decided that Good Friday was just as good a time as any to run through the streets naked. Of course, he was drunk. And naturally, after arrested, he got into the police cruiser naked. But instead of passing out like a proper drunk should, he started banging his head against the partition that separates drunk from cop, and kept doing so until a police officer sprayed him with pepper spray. And once at the police station, Mr. Spencer didn’t want to get out of the car, which forced the coppers to use a Taser on him three (3) times, which I suppose loosened him up enough so that the police could carry him off to jail.

Want more?

Last week, a 24-year-old man in San Antonio stripped off all his clothes and jumped in front of a moving train. He died on impact. That one ain’t so funny.

All well, I’ll leave you with this picker-upper: In my home-state of Arkansas, a Yellville man broke into a home and ransacked the house (an estimated $25,000 in damages) before police — after a brief stand-off — busted in and arrested him. And, of course, he was naked. Even better: He identified himself as Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor, who just so happened to hail from Jupiter. Mark Wayne Gensler was charged with residential burglary and criminal mischief.

And that, folks, is your Tuesday naked recapper. Now go out, unleash your clothes, and shake your moneymaker. It’s what Jesus would do.