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I Got Things To Do. Places to Go.

steph.jpgWhen we say we work from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., we mean 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Not 5:01 p.m. Or 5:10 p.m. 5:00. On the dot. We got places to go, people to see. Happy hour at the local TGIFs to get to. “Two and a Half Men,” to watch. Feet to play with. The Secret to read. Damnit — we got to get out of here. Come hell or high water, it’s 5 sharp. No exceptions.

What’s that? You need to file an appeal for an execution? Your computer is down? You need us to stay open an extra ten minutes? Sorry, bud. No can do. 5:00. On the dot. I’m having drinks tonight with friends from the office. It’s Carol’s birthday. She’s turning 49 today, you know. The big four-niner. We’re going to trivia night at the …

… huh? I don’t care if the governor of the goddamn state is getting the electric chair. Five o’ clock, you hear me?! Nononononono: Not 5:05. We’re getting the hell out of here. When the DJ plays “Bang on the Drum All Day,” that’s our signal. We’re hightailing it. I’ve been thinking about a rum daiquiri all day long. And maybe some buffalo wings. Doesn’t that sound goo …

Oh, you said your client is being executed tonight? And you just need to file an appeal to postpone it. He’s gonna get the needle at 8:00. Ohhhhh well, in that case: Nope. Still not doing it. 5:00. No earlier. No later. Can’t do it. Sorry pal. Tell your little felon friend better luck next time. And maybe next time you want to postpone an execution, you’ll get here on time.

[The execution went ahead that evening and Michael Richard, 49, was declared dead at 8.23pm. I hope Wanda enjoyed her wings.]

| Comments (4)


Texas, Texans, rednecks and that whole moral climate blows. How did we ever let people like that run this country.... Texas SUCKS!

No matter how hard I try, I can't feel sorry for him. He had 5 felonies under his belt before he raped a woman and shot her in the head. Afterwards he stole a car to escape, which he later traded for drugs. He was even offered a life sentence plea in order to spare the Dixon family the pain of going through trial, which he turned down. I doubt it was laziness that prevented the court from extending the deadline. They were likely tired of this man's bullshit (this was certainly not his first appeal, just a last-ditch effort) and didn't want to stretch the rules for just him.

Because I've used "computer problems" as an excuse for just being late, I'm hesitant to believe anyone else who uses that excuse.

I know, when the computers finally take over one day, they'll punish me for blaming my lateness on them.

And to quote Ron White, "While most other states are trying to get rid of the death penalty, [Texas] is putting in an Express Lane."

No Government agency ever stayed open late for ME. The real shame here is it took 21 years for justice to be served.