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Digging Up Bones

humanskull.jpgA former Massachusetts grave digger who recently had a conviction thrown out for killing his wife’s dog, pleaded guilty to … ummm … he what? He stole a human skull and made it into an ashtray?! And he was going to fashion the femur into a pipe?!

Dude, that ain’t right. What a waste of a human skull. Why make an ashtray, when skulls make such wonderful bongs! You haven’t lived until you’ve smoked a quarter ounce out of a dead lady’s eye socket. And femurs make great baseball bats, too — lightweight, sturdy, and easy to grip.

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I scoff at these amateur ideas. The Sedlec Ossuary's chandelier - now that's a good use of a skull. Maybe this guy's mom would post his ashtray next to that papier mache heart he made with the obits.