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Yeah. But What a Way To Go

atlascopco_drill.jpgIn the be careful what you wish for department: Have you ever wanted to be fucked by a jackhammer? Maybe you should rethink that:

Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play-Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

But here’s the best part:

A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

Horny? That is the most amazing understatement I’ve ever heard.

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Comments

Alpara County? ARNDALE, OK? These places don't exist except in this article.

about the source:

http://decentcommunity.org/about/

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Decent Community is a confluence of good times, positive attitudes, thought-provoking insights, and funny/weird shit put together for our readership’s enjoyment. We intend to provide goofy, informative, sometimes truth-bending slants to incite unconventional yet well-founded perspectives.

Hokum!

I am now a reader for life. This is STUNNING.

And I'm sure you are unhappy it didn't happen in Flori-duh.