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What? No Penny Whistles?
What is even more lethal than a gun, more dangerous than a knife, more fierce than an axe?
Moonpies, bitches.
Police in Galesburg said a homeless man was arrested for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies.
The elderly man told police he was on his way out of a dollar store on Friday when he felt something striking him repeatedly in the back. He said he turned around and saw that 53-year-old Michael Farquer was hitting him with something inside a yellow plastic bag.
The victim went back inside the store, and Farquer followed him, whereupon the staff called police. Officers determined that the weapon was a one-dollar box of Moon Pies, which they confiscated as evidence before taking Farquer to the Knox County Jail on a battery charge. (Source)
Well, at least it wasn’t stale ding dongs. Those motherfuckers sting.
