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Welcome to the ‘No Shit Zone’

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trying to find a new and better term for “Douchebag.” It’s been played, you know? I’ll concede that I’ve contributed my own part to Douchebag fatigue, but we really ought to retire the word, or at least give it a breather. Put it aside for a few months and find another appropriate insult for pompous, bloated narcissistic shit heels. I’m open to suggestions, but — for now — I’m thinking: Urinal Cake.

No, that doesn’t have the same ring to it as Douchebag. How about: Septic waste? Or toilet rust? Perforated condom? Vaginal swab? Popped hemorrhoid?

Nope. Nothing really has the pure zing of Douchebag, does it? Well, in that case: Here’s the latest in Bill O’Reilly douchebaggery, from his radio show:

I don’t own an iPod. I would never wear an iPod… If this is your primary focus in life — the machines… it’s going to have a staggeringly negative effect, all of this, for America… did you ever talk to these computer geeks? I mean, can you carry on a conversation with them? …I really fear for the United States because, believe me, the jihadists? They’re not playing the video games. They’re killing real people over there.

I know what you mean, Bill O. I try to stay away from the computer geeks, myself. What with the A.I.D.S. so easily spread via the use of those trendy iPod ear buds. I understand, also, that you can catch the “gay” from reading blogs. And, seriously, “computer geeks” really should find a more valuable use of their time — and I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate than killing people. That’s really what’s wrong with computer geeks – too many video games, not enough killing. And, seriously, if we could just somehow find a way to air-drop thousands of copies of Sim City into the Muslim world, all that killing would probably stop, immediately. And fuck it — while were at it, instead of shooting Iraqi insurgents, we ought to be giving them iPods. That’ll keep ‘em quiet.

Douchebag.

Posted by Dustin on November 21, 2006 | Comments (7)