« The Daily Memo - 10/9/06 | Main | I woke up this morning with a bad hangover again and my penis was missing »

This Post Has Nothing to do with Hastert’s Sexuality

hastert.jpgI was going to use my afternoon post to discuss recent unsubstantiated speculation floating around the Internets that the reason that House Speaker Denny Hastert was reluctant to press the Mark Foley matter earlier was because that Hastert, himself, is gay. However, I don’t think it’s ethically responsible for us to engage in idle speculation, or rehash old rumors about Hastert entering politics after charges surfaced in Illinois that he had made inappropriate contact with male wrestling students when he was a wrestling coach in the 1970s.

Moreover, there’s just no way we could justify discussing some silly liberal gossip about Hastert’s Chief of Staff, Scott Palmer, a topic that Hastert doesn’t like to discuss. But, who is Scott Palmer? Oh, he’s Hastert’s Chief of Staff. It’s not a big deal though, even if Palmer lives with Hastert while they’re in D.C — apparently a very unusual arrangement in Washington. Does living with a single man that he also works with all day make Hastert gay? We wouldn’t dare speculate. That’d be unprofessional.

Besides, Hastert is married. And obviously there’s nothing to be made of the ridiculous report that when Hastert’s wife is in town, she stays in a hotel, while Hastert maintains his place with his chief of staff. It doesn’t mean anything. So, we should just let it go.

Besides, if all of these unfounded, unsubstantiated stories that we are not reporting on actually came out and revealed Denny Hastert to be a gay man, we’d have no choice but to respect him a little more — if only for his ability to keep his Brokeback love for Scott Palmer from the public for so long. It really is tragic … I mean … would be tragic, if it were true.

But, like I said, I refuse to cover the “Hastert is Gay” non-story. Instead, I will report on a former military man who is suing a restaurant because there wasn’t enough shrimp or scallops in his seafood. It’s a much more interesting story; you can read about it here, if you’re interested.