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This is like something out of a Penthouse letter…

penthouse-cover.jpgDear Penthouse,

So I’m sitting at home alone when a chick walks into my house. She opened a sliding door in the back and just quietly crept in. I was minding my own business when she walked in and up to me.

She was hot. Hot as shit.

And she was naked. Naked as shit.

She approached me, and backed me into the living room. What was I to do?

Then the hot naked chick pushed my face down into a chair. Again, what was I to do?

Only thing I could do was reach behind me and grab for some crotch, you know?

Only, the thing of it was, she wasn’t so much a hot naked woman as a sketchy nekkid guy with his willy all wonka’ed out.

Oh, and I’m actually an 88-year-old woman.

So yeah, I grabbed this fucker’s junk. And I squeezed. Seems he didn’t like that so much, so he took off and ran.

Forty-six-year old fucker was eventually caught and tossed into the clink, pending charges of burglary, harassment and private indecency.

Thinking of you,

Oregonian Ball Buster

(Hat tip to Cindy, care of our favorite little Gossip Maven.)