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The Streets of Philadelphia
Last week I espoused about my love for Philadelphia and the crazy things my hometown comes up with. Well, a combinatory corpse/pizza delivery man wasn’t good enough and the city has yet again one-upped itself.
Last Friday, a local zoning board held a meeting over the hotly contested proposition of a plan for allowing Scores to set up one of its strip clubs. On the one side, a Scores lawyer quoted the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. in support of “a man’s right to a lap dance,” to the boos of those in attendance. On the other side, a lawyer for a nearby Church opposing the plan appeared in the period garb of Andrew Hamilton. Presumably, their verbal sparring went something like this:
Scores Lawyer: I have a dream that one day the women of this city will rise up on poles and live out the true meaning of this creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all dollar bills are created equal.”
Hamilton of the Church: Nay, good sir, thy dream is but a fleeting fancy. This Scores of which you proselytize is but sure to cause vast harm to this fair city of ours.
Scores Lawyer: But we must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline, and is not this city’s creed that it is the City of Brotherly Love?
Hamilton of the Church: This is most assuredly true. But your dream shall turn the City of Brotherly Love into the City of Seedy Love.
Scores Lawyer: But do you not want to be able to join hands and sing, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, the breasts are free at last!”
Hamilton of the Church: …Well good sir…a dream like that, one can take no fault with. We withdraw our objection.
