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Stalkers Really Have Lowered their Standards

garrison-keillor.jpgNPR-handbag toting fans of Garrison Keillor — who is about as aesthetically pleasing as a giant sack of potatoes thrown against the wall — may be surprised to know that he nevertheless has his own stalker (what — do they hand them out at the airport these days?). Indeed, Keillor, who hosts the droning, insufferable “Prairie Home Companion” radio show (I’m a “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” guy, myself) had to secure a restraining order against a 43-year-old woman because she wouldn’t stop phoning his house, sending explicit emails and disturbing gifts, like a petrified alligator foot and dead beetles (homewarming presents?)

Keillor claims that the letters and emails he received were often “disturbing, unintelligible and rambling,” (much like his radio show) and in one, his stalker — Andrea R. Campbell — “graphically described making love to me,” which is only slightly less disgusting than the petrified alligator foot (sorry, folks — for reasons I, myself, don’t understand, I have an unhealthy loathing for Garrison Keillor, who now reads insufferable poetry every weekday morning on NPR).

Campbell said Keillor had misunderstood the letters, e-mails, packages and phone calls. She said she was never closer to his house than the sidewalk.
“I believe that he’s paranoid, or some woman, his wife, is upset and told him he has to do something about it,” she said.
While Campbell said she loved Keillor, she also said it wasn’t physical. She said she is a happily married woman with five children.
“It’s transcendental love, that’s all” she said. “Between a writer and a reader.”

Man, it is a sad world we live in when even Garrison Keillor can get a stalker — I’d love to see the man crush his larynx with a Powdermilk Biscuit. Hell, I’d probably contribute a lot more to NPR fund drives myself if it weren’t for the fear that Keillor would receive a portion of my proceeds.


| Comments (2)


I'm just glad his stalker wasn't a Minnesotan.

Awww, don't hate on Garrison Keillor! I Okay, I can totally get that he turns a lot of people off - and it is totally bizarre that he has a stalker....

Regardless, you've gotta love the insanity of claiming he "misunderstood" her gift of a petrified alligator foot, and that his wife is a jealous hater who doesn't understand that this is "transcendental love, that's all."

At least we can agree on loving "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me."