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Spork Assault!

sporks.jpgI mean, do I even need to tell you anything else. Fucking assault by spork. Nuff said.

…But if you want to know a little more, here you go: 52-year-old Peter Albert tried to mug a man of his watch. When it wouldn’t quickly come off, Albert pulled out a spork he had gotten from a KFC and stabbed the watch-wearer. He then dropped some other KFC products onto
the ground and took off into the night. The cops tracked him down, and when they found a KFC bag and more sporks in his backpack, the evidence puzzle was complete.

Albert pleaded his armed robbery charge down to felony assualt with a deadly weapon (spork = deadly weapon!), and will be out of the clink as soon as he wraps up his one year sentence.

My question is, who the hell is wondering around with multiple sporks in their bag?

(Hat tip to reader Jennifer S., who suggests that between this and a certain governor, “Alaska might be angling to be the new Florida.” I think it’s still got a long way to go, mind you, but Palin plus spork assault is certainly a nice one-two step in the right direction.)