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Sandwich Artist?! Pfffffff.

0805081subway1.jpgThere are few things more important to a man than a well made sandwich. Too much mustard, a shred of misplaced lettuce, or a stray and unwanted jalapeno can completely ruin an otherwise delicious footlong. Most people, unfortunately, don’t understand the “art” of a sandwich, even those motherfucking so-called “sandwich artists.” My ass. Finally, someone took a stand. Check it, courtesy of The Smoking Gun:

Meet Reginald Peterson. The 42-year-old Florida man became so upset last Thursday when a pair of subs “did not include ‘everything’ as he had requested,” he called Jacksonville cops “so that the police could have his sandwich made to his specifications,” according to a Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office report. Peterson, pictured in the below mug shot, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of placing false 911 calls. A Subway employee told cops that an irate Peterson was “screaming at everyone in the business” because a worker could not seem to rectify the sandwich problem.

Why the hell would they arrest the guy? If you ordered a new car, and you paid for the undercoating, and you didn’t get the undercoating, that’s theft, right? And if you ask for a good sandwich, and they don’t give you a good sandwich, they are breaking the implied contract. Just because footlongs are now $5 at all participating Subways doesn’t mean the “artist” can get lazy on your ass. I hope, at the very least, that Peterson got his money back. And some subway stamps for his trouble. Sheez. Whatever happened to an honest wage?

| Comments (10)


Whatever happened to realizing that someone is just having a bad day and cutting him some slack. Misdemeanor for yelling at people? Come on.

Have y'all been to a Subway recently? These poor children they have working behind the counter did NOT graduate from sandwich art school. Why, just last week the new kid at the downtown Subway forgot the ranch dressing for my buffalo chicken sandwich. That's five bucks out the window, people.

I miss the days when they used to cut a triangle slice out of the top of the bread, instead of just slicing it in half. None of the toppings fell out of the side. Those were true works of art!

@three elle: Right on! It's called a U-gouge (don't ask how I know) and it was magnificent. I mourn the loss of that blessed invention every time I eat a sliced-in-half Subway sandwich.

Man, I hate it when you say "Everything" and they go through the whole counter anyway. "You want tomatoes?" "Everything." "You want banana peppers?" "Everything!" "Oil and vinegar?" "I SAID EVERYTHING!" And they still won't put Parmesan and oregano on there unless you specifically ask.

Oh, of COURSE this mouthbreather is from Florida, just like all the other crazy assholes, right?

I miss the way they used to cut the subs, too. Bastards.

Seriously, this is the greatest amount of postings I've seen for this site. Who knew people loved their subs so passionately and strongly (speaking as one who throws a fit when Quizno's forgets to add the hot pepper on the side: I want my spice, bitch!).

bring back the u-gouge, i miss the old days...

You know, you can probably ask your "Sandwich Artist" to cut a U-gouge. They may struggle with it, but it's worth a shot.

Back when I was a Sandwich Artist the gouge was standard, but we'd have people ask for a straight middle cut sometimes.

I miss the stamps. Subway disco'd the stamp/free sub program a couple of years ago.

Subway stores monitor inventory pretty closely, so you have to plead for extra napkins. But friends who worked as sandwich artists could reel off 20 stamps at a time without a hitch. Good times.