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Pump it up until you can feel it / Pump it up when you don’t really need it
As the QuizLaw team prepares to embark on a weekend trip to Vegas (and thus take advantage of the last weekend to obtain a marriage license between midnight and 8 a.m.), we are reminded of the one time when going through airport screening when it might be okay to falsely tell a security guard you’re carrying a bomb.
Oh, sure it might mean a felony charge, but that’s fine if the alternative is admitting in front of your Mom that you’ve got a penis pump in your bag.
And that’s what happened to an Iraqi man, Mardin Amin, on his way to Turkey with his mother in tow. Indeed, when a female security guard pulled a small, black, squeezable rubber object out of Amin’s backpack and asked him what it was, Amin allegedly whispered quietly out of the side of his mouth that it was a “pump.” Security officials, however, state that they clearly heard him say “bomb.” Prosecutors, in fact, said that he told them twice that it was a bomb, and only admitted he lied later, because he was too embarrassed to admit in front of his mom that he had a penis pump.
Either way, Amin is now facing a criminal charge, and that penis pump will be admitted into evidence for all the world to see. So, QuizLaw’s advice: Add your penis pump to the list of things, including Jell-O pudding pops, not to take with you on an airplane.
Of course, this is not the only case this week to involve the penis pump. In fact, in Oklahoma, a judge with 23 years of judicial experience was sentenced to four years in prison for using a penis pump under his robe during at least four trials. Donald Thompson admitted that he owned the penis pump, which he said was a gift from a fishing buddy. And he claimed he might’ve pumped it once or twice during trials, but he said he never used it to masturbate. Investigators, however, discovered that there was semen under his bench and authorities said he used the pump almost daily during a 2003 baby-shaking case. It sounds like the baby wasn’t the only thing that got a little shake (*groan*).
Enjoy the weekend, folks. And if you’re in Vegas, lookout for one us; we’ll be the nattily dressed fellas sleeping next to the feces.
