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Message from a Sex Offender

little-children.jpgHi, My name is Paul Laurence Briggs. And sure, I’m a sex offender. But the thing is, you wouldn’t know it, because I beat the system — I didn’t register!

I’m smart like that.

Trouble is, I like the kiddy porn. Love it. Luhrve it! So much so that I keep it on my MP3 player because nothing goes with tunes like naked children.

Actually, the perfect recipe for a good time is one part tunes, one part nekkid kids, and one part Moons Over My Hammy. Which is why I took my kiddy porn MP3 player with me to the Denny’s.

… But, uhm, I left it there. And the manager found my kiddy porn. And the cops played the Denny’s surveillance video on TV, and now everyone knows that I’m an unregistered sex offender and that I like my kiddy porn with a side of Moons Over My Hammy.

I’m gonna rethink this plan when I get out of the clink. I think it still has some flaws.