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Killing Time in Iowa

iowa.jpgPeople in Iowa (Iowans?) are family folk, so they like to kill time at home. For Patrick Hamman, this led to a charge of domestic assault. The 22-year-old meth addict, who still lives at home, apparently got into an argument with his father and, as meth-heads are wont to do, Patrick escalated the argument from verbal sparring to physical violence. But you have to give him props for his chosen methodology.

For he did not punch his father. Nor did he stab him, or shoot him, or kick him or gore him.

No sir. “The assault weapons listed on the Des Moines police report was a bag of Cheetos.” Yup — Patrick got angry at his father and hurled a bag of Cheetos at him. The bag hit Pappy’s glasses, causing them to cut the bridge of his nose.

The police report said: “Michael’s t-shirt was also covered in Cheeto dust.”