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I’m in a Glass Case of Emotion!

anchorman.jpgFor those of you who love to annoy your wives, fellow cubicle monkeys, law students, and/or high-paid suit-wearing Lexis researchers with your lengthy/banal conversations about real athletes accumulating real stats for your “fantasy” players, be warned: Some schmuckish law firm is bringing a class action lawsuit against ESPN, TSN, The Sporting News, et. al., alleging that fantasy sports is illegal gambling. According to the press release, Chuck Humphrey (heretofore known as the most reviled man in QuizLawian history) asserts that fantasy leagues skirt the anti-gambling laws by claiming that the game involves skill, when, in fact (according to Chuck), the “contests are games of chance.”

Chance?! Chance?! I spend half of my waking hours between September and December scanning stats, injury reports, and insipid fantasy columns written by 12-year-old prodigies with psychic powers, and every Sunday for 17 weeks trapped for 12 hours in front of a flickering screen yelling at my pretend players for a game of “chance”? If this is a game of chance, Chuck, then what the hell am I going to do with this 23-page spreadsheet?

Listen, Chuck: “Chance” is whether my wife will leave me for obsessing over fantasy sports, “chance” is whether Will Ferrell’s next movie will bring him back to his former meth-fueled glory, “chance,” is a card you pick up if you land on the appropriate Monopoly square. Fantasy Sports, on the other hand, is all skill. And this lawsuit is a ridiculous get-rich scheme with very little merit filed, apparently, to bring attention on the country’s biggest buzz kill. My guess: Chuck’s upset because no one has ever invited him into their fantasy league, and he’s like, “Well, if I can’t have any fun, then no one can.”

Oh, and according to the complaint, Chuck is suing under state qui tam laws, which allow the state to recover half the money and Chuck to collect the other half, so it’s not like Chuck is looking out for fantasy owners getting fleeced by corporate America. Dude’s just trying to cash a check. Go back to your ambulance chasin’, Chuck. You got no case;besides, without fantasy sports, men would have nothing to talk to each other about. You want that on your conscience, Chuck?

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Comments

I went to this guys website and found out that he is one of the principal investors, and also one of the founders, of the Tournament of Champions of Poker and of Team Pegasus, an association of professional tournament poker players. What a friggin hypocrite!!!

Aha. Thank you, Big Mike. I see now exactly what's going on. Chuck's not a hypocrite. He's an investor who finds himself losing money as customers they abandon poker and pursuing fantasy sports.

I hope the judge throws the case out of court. Here there are doctors butchering people and slumlords charging $800 a month for an effiency apartment with no bathroom, and this dude is worried about fantasy sports eating away at his profits. Buttgoblin.

Yup, a game of skill. Just like horse racing, dog racing, NCAA tournament pools, 100 bucks on the Cowboys (-6 1/2), and myriad other 'skill' bets. If you put money down on what is primarily someone else's sports, you are probably betting, in the eyes of the law. The says more about the overreaching grasp of the state than the activities involved, but the facts remain, you are probably betting.

Yup, a game of skill. Just like horse racing, dog racing, NCAA tournament pools, 100 bucks on the Cowboys (-6 1/2), and myriad other 'skill' bets. If you put money down on what is primarily someone else's sports, you are probably betting, in the eyes of the law. This says more about the overreaching grasp of the state than the activities involved, but the facts remain, you are probably betting.

I would like to know what is the leagalaties on sports handicapping in the state of colorado?

Participating in fantasy sports is something that requires skill. It is not something you can do on the fly like gambling.

If this guy wants to call fantasy sports gambling will he also go for local charity raffles?