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Crazy Gets a New Bedfellow: Religio-Pederastic Wackjob

Umm. This one’s kind of creepy, folks. Out in Cleveland this week, Phillip Distasio, who is also the leader of one of those old-school (and by “old-school,” I mean: Platonic era) loony churches, the Arcadian Fields Ministries, is on trial for 74 counts of rape, pandering obscenity to minors, and passing out doobies to kids. Allegedly, Mr. Loco—Pyschotic (that charming guy pictured to the left) molested two disabled boys he tutored at his home and raped seven autistic boys at a school for special-needs students where he was a teacher’s aide; all but one of the victims were under 13.

But rather than deny the charges and volunteer a perjurious defense like any self-respecting sexual offender, Distasio has instead offered a novel defense, telling his judge that his apartment was a religious sanctuary where diddling mentally retarded boys and sharing fatties with them was a sacred ritual protected by civil rights laws.

Come again? Lemmie clear the earwax? What was that? “I’m a pedophile. I’ve been a pedophile for 20 years,” Distasio, who compares himself to St. Francis and St. Ignatius, said during a pretrial hearing. “The only reason I’m charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms … Not all pedophilia is bad, and sex [with boys] can be healthy.”

Holy Mary Mother of Nutjob. Healthy for who, jackass? You know what, Phil? I’m not a death-penalty advocate, myself; but in a case like this, I wouldn’t object if you were to find a healthy amount of electrical current in your Vanilla Latte one morning. But I suppose you’ll find out soon enough just how healthy sex with boys can be, when a large hairy man named Tiny has you pinned up against a jail-cell wall whispering the Constitution in your ear.

Posted by Dustin on August 4, 2006 | Comments (1)