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I Could Go At Any Time

Aron+Pritchard.jpg We here at QuizLaw love when parents try to take short-cuts in parenting — there’s so much we can learn from our subjects by their nifty strategies. Take, for instance, the story we reported on several months ago, about the family that decided to duct tape their children for the day, in lieu of a babysitter. Genius! And, something we can apply to our everyday lives.

But, just the other day, I was wondering to myself: Self, if I were to have a child, and that child were to piss his pants, how would I go about not having to change my son into a fresh pair of pants and punishing my child for his blunder at the same time?

“Oh, oh, I know! I know!” says Aron Pritchard, a Wichita man with his hand waving in the air like a madman.

“Yes. You sir, what’s the ideal method for dealing with a child who has oopsied all over himself?”

“Well, I’ll tell you what I did. I just stuck my girlfriend’s 3-year-old son in the dryer. And for good measure – so, he’d get the idea that we didn’t approve of anybody wetting oneself in our house — I threw his 2-year-old sister in the dryer, too! You want to throw both kids in at once – it saves on the electric bill, and they bounce off of each other a little, so that it absorbs the blows, if you know what I mean.”

“Wow, Aron. That’s, like, awesome. They ought to put that into Dr. Benjamin Spock’s next child-rearing book. You get into trouble for that?”

“Aw, not so bad. Four hours in jail, and $750 bond. But, really, $750 is nothing compared to the costs of a babysitter these days. And I tell you what: That damn kid won’t be urinating in his britches again anytime soon.”

Amen, brother.