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I Bet Clive Barker Never Did This Much Research


See this man above? He’s just been hit by a car. In fact, he hasn’t recovered enough from his injuries to give a statement to the police. Pretty grisly, huh? You gotta feel a little bad for the guy — he looks dazed and bloody; this man needs a hug.

But, how did he get there? How did he find himself with a massive head wound being tended to by a paramedic? How do I put this delicately? Well let me begin by saying that this man’s name is Jose Luis Calva. He’s a Mexico City man, and he wants to be a horror novelist when he grows up. In fact, he’s already written a book. It’s called Cannibalistic Instincts. It’s still in draft form, but I think he’s pretty proud of it. In fact, he did a lot of research for this novel.

Research? How do you research a cannibalism book, you ask? Well, you start by cutting up your girlfriend, stuffing her torso in the closet, a leg in the refrigerator, and a few of her bones in a cereal box. And if you really want to do great research for your novel, you boil your girlfriend’s flesh off the bone. Oh, and before you use your own girlfriend for research purposes, you kill and mutilate three other women including — quite naturally — a prostitute.

So, how did Jose Luis Calva find himself in the position above? Well, when the cops arrived at his house to arrest him, Mr. Calva high-tailed it out, and during the pursuit, he got ran over by a car.

Poor guy.

| Comments (2)


I can't believe I just read that. My jaw actually dropped once I hit paragraph three. Wow.

This guy looks like John Cusack....