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Hut Hut!
If you’re a Detroit Lions fan, let us just start out by saying, “We’re really sorry, you poor sap.” If there was any flexibility at all to the rule allowing you to choose only one favorite football team per lifetime, no one would blame you for taking advantage. Seriously: Matt Millen?! The guy couldn’t draft a fantasy team in a league full of drunken strippers. When, as a Lions fan, you have to resort to rooting against your own team in the hopes that its CEO/President of Operations might get fired, you’ve hit Arizona Cardinals territory, people. And the Jon Kitna/Josh McCown QB duo? Damn. Y’all are going to need to spend a lot of time on your knees during Sunday Mass just to eek out a win this season.
Well, since nothing short of an NFL-wide game of musical chairs looks to improve the chances for the Lions, at least the state legislature has stepped in and made it a little easier to accept your lot. Indeed, the state house has two proposals in the works: 1) allowing Lions fans to start buying alcohol at 7:00 a.m., instead of noon, so that by the time that Kitna takes the field, you’re already three tits to the wind; and 2) allowing fans to carry signs into the stadium calling for the “firing, impeachment, dismemberment, etc., of management.” The legislation, sponsored by a Republican state representative, will be known as the Sports Fan Bill of Rights and committee hearings are scheduled to begin next week.
That bill certainly would’ve come in handy over the weekend. In a 6-6 game, faced with a 4th and 4 to go on the Seahawks 37 (with 3:20 on the clock), what did the Lions do? Punt, of course. God bless Rod Marinelli. But if the Sports Fan Bill of Rights had already been implemented, most of Detriot’s fans would never have even known the final score (9-6, Seahawks) because they’d have been lying in a pool of their own vomit underneath the bleachers, which — I understand — is a natural position for Lions fans. It’s just too bad that this Bill of Rights won’t contain a provision allowing you to carry firearms into the stadium.
Comments
Well I think if I were in a room of drunken strippers my fantasies would not involve football.
Posted by Frank | September 13, 2006 6:21 PM