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Hi. It’s Sarah Palin — Does This Mean I’m Pars’ident Now?

mccain0508.jpgHow many of you folks went to bed last night with your head spinning? I’m one of those goddamn news junkies, who spent the entire night in front of one of the various cable shows (Olbermann, Maddow, Cooper, Stewart, Letterman — you don’t get a better night than that). And the entire time, all I could think was: What the fuck is going on, you know?

Actually, around 4:00 yesterday, when I saw that McCain had suspended his campaign, my first thought was: Shit. Bold move, motherfucker. Political as hell, but there’s no way Obama can call him on it. We are so fucked. Game. Set. Match. McCain.

Fortunately, I had not given enough credit to the news networks or, from what I can tell, the electorate, almost all of whom saw right the hell through it. The ones that haven’t are being cynical, self-denying little bitches. But whatevs.

But the thing is: Even if McCain gets a lot of flak for this, it’s probably better than the alternative, which was the brewing scandal over his campaign manager’s involvement with Freddie Mac and, worse still, Sarah Palin’s embarrassing (oh, God embarrassing) interview with Katie Couric. And this time, no one can clam sexism or elitism. Couric is a woman. And not a terribly bright one, at that.

Anyway, here’s some excerpts from that interview, which most of you probably didn’t see, since the flurry of other, more important news dominated last night.

To say it was a trainwreck would be a disservice to trainwrecks.

But, my favorite part of the day’s news came at the very end of the night. McCain was supposed to appear on Letterman’s show last night, but personally called him to cancel, saying he had to race back to Washington. Well, imagine Dave’s chagrin when he realized that McCain was a mere three blocks away giving an interview to Couric. This is all the relevant moments from last night’s show, and it’s fucking great:

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Comments

I'm annoyed as hell that he suspended his campaign. Like whether the debate occurs will affect anything. He's just avoiding the debate, pure and simple. I can't wait for this effing election to happen already.

...or is it effect? At least I generally use "your" and "you're" correctly!

Dave was hysterical last night, and I loved that he called McFuck out on his bullshit. I'm also thrilled that the media is waking up, slowly - but still.

You were right the first time, manda. Affect is the verb, effect is the noun.

Dustin, I heard a pundit on NPR talking about your Palin-VP-mid-season-replacement theory. He called it the "October surprise". I think this is the buildup for kicking Palin out and introducing the new guy. Also, if people are dumb enough to fall for McCains "I'm too busy for the debates" bs, I give up.

That picture of McCain is really messing with me.

I feel like he is looking into my soul.

I like the "ole gnashy" one better...but then, you knew that.

This election is getting wacky. That is all.

Please. I am begging you to make this stop, Mr. McCain.

This woman is an embarrassment to all of us. I would say that she speaks like a soccer mom or a PTA member, but the soccer moms and PTA members I know are so much smarter and more articulate than this. I know some very nice Republican women in my area who would be excellent running mates. I will provide you with a list of names.

She drops all of the g's at the ends of her words. She sounds like Marge Gunderson. And I loved it when Frances McDormand did it. But it's not cute here. As a matter of fact, I might enjoy Palin more if she was 9 1/2 months pregnant and trying to single-handedly solve a kidnapping/murder.

Sarah? I knew Marge Gunderson. And you, ma'am, are no Marge Gunderson.

Katie Couric was looking at her sideways in that interview. Her facial expression clearly said "What the fuck?". Dude. Katie Couric has questioned your intelligence. Duuuuude! Hang it up.

She's like the female Dan Quayle.

I ask you, Mr. McCain. Have you no decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of dececny?

I hate that fucking drummer. Fire his ass.

John McCain is acting like a petulant child. The presidency is not something you can just turn off if it isn't going your way. Watching his behavior in this election, I'm not sure if I should get angry at him or say, in the same tones one might use with a two-year-old, "It's all right, Grandpa, now you need to take your pills and go to bed. You can chase after that mean ol' Barack Obama tomorrow, after Matlock..."

By the way, I love that you're an Olbermann and Maddow fan, as well. I feel like anyone who watches those two has got his or her head screwed on pretty straight. Plus, I'm so happy Rachel is kicking ass! Not that I had any doubt, but it's nice to see the rest of the MSNBC viewership world is as cool as I hoped they'd be.

And I don't miss Dan "Crazy Eyes" Abrams one bit...

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