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Florida! Florida! Florida! Florida!

Jeans_zipper_closeup.jpgAll of the following stories have two things in common: 1) They all involved ridiculously dumb people, and 2) they all take place in Florida. Grab a beer, take off your pants, and enjoy:

1) A suspected drug dealer who led police on a foot-chase into a stranger’s house, where he hid behind a washing machine and prompted a standoff, admitted during his interrogation that he wasn’t “a bad person,” he was just a lowly drug dealer. ”I don’t want to incriminate myself, but that was some good fire weed in the car,” Troy McClean told police. That’s not incriminating at all, Mr. McClean. It just suggests that you’re guilty.

2) Adam Phillips was pulled over for driving erratically, and when the officer approached his car, Adam said, “I don’t have time for this (expletive).” When asked to get out of the car because the cop suspected he was drunk, the officer noticed that Phillips’ zipper was down. When asked why his pants were unzipped, Phillips — who was accompanied by a female passenger — referred to a sexual act that had been taking place and said that he was “heading home for more.” There were eight empty Miller beer cans in the car. When Phillips was taken to jail, he told police he had a “learning disability.” Ya think?

3) For this one, I’ll just let the lead sentence say it all: “A Tuesday night domestic incident deputies say involving a pumpkin, beer and acrylic nails landed two people in jail.” Oh, and there was also some strangulation involved.

And finally, 4) Matthew James walked into a gas station, unloaded a round at the teller, and swiped the cash register. However, during his getaway: (i) he shot himself in the hip, (ii) he lost his pants, and (iii) presumably because he was wounded and pants-less, he dumped the cash register.

Only in Florida, folks.

| Comments (2)


Last night on "Criminal Minds," I believe there was a QuizLaw shout out. The dialog went something like this:

"Something bad has happened."
"How bad?"

My husband and I shouted "QuizLaw!" in unison.

I may have misheard the show, I wasn't actively watching it. But it was the first good thing that show has ever done, so I hope no one will disabuse me.

Well I quit watching "Criminal Minds" this season, so I missed this bit of dialog. But as much as I'd love to think it was a QuizLaw shoutout, sadly, we are by no means the first to recognize the utter re-dunk-olousness that is Florida. At a bare minimum, Fark and Keith Olbermann stomped this ground long before QuizLaw was even a twinkle in our eyes.

Nevertheless, any slight of the Florida is a welcome one, so good on you "Criminal Minds!"