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Florida! Florida! Florida! Florida!

All of the following stories have two things in common: 1) They all involved ridiculously dumb people, and 2) they all take place in Florida. Grab a beer, take off your pants, and enjoy:

1) A suspected drug dealer who led police on a foot-chase into a stranger’s house, where he hid behind a washing machine and prompted a standoff, admitted during his interrogation that he wasn’t “a bad person,” he was just a lowly drug dealer. ”I don’t want to incriminate myself, but that was some good fire weed in the car,” Troy McClean told police. That’s not incriminating at all, Mr. McClean. It just suggests that you’re guilty.

2) Adam Phillips was pulled over for driving erratically, and when the officer approached his car, Adam said, “I don’t have time for this (expletive).” When asked to get out of the car because the cop suspected he was drunk, the officer noticed that Phillips’ zipper was down. When asked why his pants were unzipped, Phillips — who was accompanied by a female passenger — referred to a sexual act that had been taking place and said that he was “heading home for more.” There were eight empty Miller beer cans in the car. When Phillips was taken to jail, he told police he had a “learning disability.” Ya think?

3) For this one, I’ll just let the lead sentence say it all: “A Tuesday night domestic incident deputies say involving a pumpkin, beer and acrylic nails landed two people in jail.” Oh, and there was also some strangulation involved.

And finally, 4) Matthew James walked into a gas station, unloaded a round at the teller, and swiped the cash register. However, during his getaway: (i) he shot himself in the hip, (ii) he lost his pants, and (iii) presumably because he was wounded and pants-less, he dumped the cash register.

Only in Florida, folks.

Posted by Dustin on November 15, 2007 | Comments (2)