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Drunk People are So Nice

dui.jpgOut in Florida (where else), a man pulled over for suspicion of drunken driving was a little more cooperative and forthcoming than most police officers might expect. In fact, Craig Shelton — who was pulled over early Saturday morning after he was seen driving erratically — agreed to perform field sobriety tests, but inexplicably gave up after the first test, saying “Just call it a DUI, man. You got me.”

I like a guy that makes it easy on a police officer. Of course, it only got easier after the officer checked Shelton’s trunk and found two beers, some Bacardi, and a green leafy substance. Shelton, then handcuffed and sitting in the back of the police cruiser, asked “Did you find my weed?”

It’s nice that Shelton didn’t bother wasting the officer’s time. I understand, also, that once he arrived at the station and underwent the requisite strip search, he said: “Man, that heroin in my ass is killing me – will somebody please pull it out,” before later offering: “When do you think they’ll let me out of the clink? I’ve got a hooker back at my apartment who is still on the clock. $100 an hour ain’t cheap, fellas.”