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Desperate is as Desperate Does
With six days to go until the mid-term elections, things are getting awfully goddamn ugly. There’s a Republican in a congressional race, for instance, running an ad here in upstate New York accusing his Democratic challenger, Michael Arcuri, of calling a phone sex line and billing the state for it. The ad has a silhouette of a woman dancing crazy erotically and saying, “Hi, sexy. You’ve reached the live, one-on-one fantasy line.” The facts, however, revealed that: 1) the call was made two years ago; 2) the bill to the taxpayers was $1.25; 3) the call was made by an Arcuri aid; 4) the call lasted only a second; and 5) it was a misdialed number, as the last seven digits of the phone sex number are the same as the Department of Criminal Justice Services. Arcuri is weighing a libel lawsuit against the National Republican Congressional Committee, which stands by the ad, insisting it’s totally true.
But, it gets uglier: Out in Charlottesville, Virginia, a protester and University of Virginia law student, Mike Stark, is pressing charges against George Allen’s campaign after he was tackled while asking Allen a question. The question, of course, wasn’t just any interrogatory: He was asking Allen why he spit on his first wife (and, come to think of it, that’s an answer I’d like as well). Apparently, Allen didn’t like the question (defensive much?), because Stark was put in a headlock and tackled to the ground.
But this is just how frantic the Republicans are leading up to the election: Another upstate New York (represent!) Congressional Rep, John Sweeney, is so desperate to win his re-election campaign that he beat his wife and blamed it on the Democrats! Indeed, according to a police report, Sweeney and his wife got into a fracas in December 2005 that got so intense, his wife had to call 911 to report that Sweeney was “knocking her around the house.” When police arrived, Sweeney’s wife said the two had a “verbal argument that turned a little physical by her being grabbed by the neck and pushed around the house.” Sweeney countered that the police report was a bit of campaign propaganda released by Democrats to smear his reputation. (Sweeney has done enough of that himself, having been arrested for a drunken driving incident and, earlier this year, showing up to a frat party openly intoxicated.) Sweeney, despite the fact that the 911 call is on record and the police didn’t deny the report, claims that it was unauthentic and false, based primarily on the fact that the report was “barely legible.”
But, this one takes the cake: What happens when the President of the United States is a whiny little bitch whose party is getting trounced in the polls and a protester (who happens to be a school bus driver) flips him off? Well, the President has her fired, of course. Douchebag.
