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Cars Don’t Kill People, Drivers Kill People

christine.jpgI’m a big fan of thematic posts, and today we are offered not one, but two stories that involve murderous car-related shenanigans.

First off, in Tampa, Florida (where else), a man goes on trial today for taking his brand of ridiculous vigilante justice in a stick-up-and-run. Lawrence Storer was sitting in his Ford Explorer one day, taking a break from work, when Shantavious Wilson pulled a gun and ordered Storer to go into his restaurant, where Wilson made off in a heist that netted him a whopping $15. Storer, however, wasn’t about to let those three crispy Lincolns escape his company. So, what does he do? He jumps in his Explorer, travels the wrong way down a one-way street, and flat-out runs Wilson over, killing him instantly. He faces up to 15 years in prison, though there is no word on whether he got his $15 back.

But if you think that’s bad, get a load of this: Out in L.A., two elderly women who needed some quick cash thought it’d be a great idea to befriend a couple of homeless men, take them in, feed and clothe them, and then take out three dozen life insurance policies on them, obtaining their signatures while pouring vodka down their gullets. So, what do old ladies do with 36 life insurance policies on old men? Take out a hit, of course. Olga Rutterschmidt, 73, and Helen Golay, 75, arranged a couple of hit and runs to do away with their homeless victims, allowing them to collect on the insurance policies. Some industrious insurance investigator, however, was smart enough to put two and two together, and now the blue-hairs are facing the death penalty.

And I don’t know about you, but I have a sudden hankerin’ to watch Stephen King’s Christine. There’s nothing like a Plymouth Fury to settle a score.