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Breaking: Desperate Obama Impregnates Palin’s 17-Year-Old Daugther

jamie-lynn-spears-marriage.jpgGoddamn Democrats! Just as the beautiful Sarah Palin — hockey mom, PTA president, Ms. Congeniality, Savior — was skating by relatively unscathed by her complete lack of experience, her flip-flops on the bridge to nowhere, her husband’s DWI, her former career as a sports anchor, and the possibility that she’d been knocked up before she was married, those rascally Democrats had to go and ruin everything, revealing that Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol (no doubt named after a NASCAR racetrack) is unmarried and five months pregnant. Also, in high school, which is when those crazy Alaskan women are most fertile.

Clearly, like Hurricane Gustav, Bristol’s pregnancy was a calculated move on behalf of the Democrats designed to take down McCain’s candidacy. Clearly, back in March, Barack Obama — reading the writing on the wall, knowing that Sarah Palin would ultimately become the VP pick and take John McCain to sweet, sweet victory — put together a massive conspiracy to knock-up Bristol Palin.

It was called: Operation Wine Cooler.

Nice pick, McCain.

| Comments (9)


She can be the poster-child for abstinence-only education!

I think the religious right should take heart in the fact at least that young Bristol didn't:

a) have an abortion, or
b) use birth control,

both of which are terrible things for a teen to do, and which could ruin their lives forever.

What I loved is the quote “Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents,” Yeah I'm sure the kid had the choice especially coming from the candidate that wants to remove a women's right to receive guidance and options from a doctor. I love further how they are going to force these kids to marry because nothing follows a poor, rash, hormone driven decision like another poor, rash, poll driven decision. Yup...we need to preserve marriage for people like these two kids that can't figure out birth control, lord knows the queers will screw it up right? My God, crap like this makes me love the fact my country sent me to the Middle East twice. Thank god are priorities are straight...

One of the things I hate most about politics is how it turns people who are probably normal, nice, and have feelings and everything, into complete assholes.

This poor girl and her family are dealing with a really difficult situation. Her mom's anti-abortion stance didn't cause her daughter to get pregnant. Palin is not against birth control or anything crazy like that. She's against "explicit sex education" which is an entirely different debate. In today's culture, you're bat shit insane if you think young girls don't know about or have access to birth control. As a daughter of an extremely conservative mother and father, who was not supposed to ever think about, much less have sex, I certainly was able to find Planned Parenthood and get on birth control when I decided it was time. This was a stupid decision of a young girl - made by plenty of other young girls all the time. No reason to link it to politics.

I love Obama and wouldn't ever vote for McCain - - but my decision is certainly not based on an unfortunate circumstance like this.

Wowsa- McCain would restrict Planned Parenthood access and access to services now provided by Planned Parenthood (and what would have been provided back when you sought them out yourself). It sucks that this kid's personal life is being made public, but that's the political link.

At five months pregnant, and with her mother going for the VP spot, being vetted, etc...how did this not factor in...how did it stay hidden? And if it was a known fact, what possible purpose can this serve?

If this reveal was unintended, I can only imagine what kind of unfortunate presidency the republican party could offer.

As a Canadian, I am really hopeful that Obama will win and stay safe. What he's proposing is pretty radical, but there's no safety in the current political path if it 'stays on course'. I really hope that your country can pull out of all these messes.

What a nightmare election you face! Godspeed, all.


As a fellow Canadian, I offer you greetings and solidarity in the face of our own upcoming boring, contrived, and thoroughly pointless election.

The Democrats are soo pissed that Chelsea Clinton couldn't have been used as a knocked up political ploy.....Barack would have stuck it in her just to get votes,,,,,boo hoo Obama, too damn late

It's pretty good when the best thing democrats can come up with to attack a candidate is her pregnant daughter and the fact that her husband got a DWI (which, by the way, happened right around the same time Obama was snorting cocaine).