Breaking: Desperate Obama Impregnates Palin’s 17-Year-Old Daugther
Goddamn Democrats! Just as the beautiful Sarah Palin — hockey mom, PTA president, Ms. Congeniality, Savior — was skating by relatively unscathed by her complete lack of experience, her flip-flops on the bridge to nowhere, her husband’s DWI, her former career as a sports anchor, and the possibility that she’d been knocked up before she was married, those rascally Democrats had to go and ruin everything, revealing that Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol (no doubt named after a NASCAR racetrack) is unmarried and five months pregnant. Also, in high school, which is when those crazy Alaskan women are most fertile.
Clearly, like Hurricane Gustav, Bristol’s pregnancy was a calculated move on behalf of the Democrats designed to take down McCain’s candidacy. Clearly, back in March, Barack Obama — reading the writing on the wall, knowing that Sarah Palin would ultimately become the VP pick and take John McCain to sweet, sweet victory — put together a massive conspiracy to knock-up Bristol Palin.
It was called: Operation Wine Cooler.
Nice pick, McCain.