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And the Lord said “Please close your yapper”

capt.d4241d2e49c0476cb1c5dde9a34d3a44.oral_roberts_scandal_ny108.jpgIn a move that should bring smiles to many a dastardly heathen, God has told one of his so-called faithful stewards to step down and shut the hell up.

You may not be aware of this, but Oral Roberts University (of the obnoxious statue pictured) has been in a bit of a pickle as of late. Richard Roberts, the now-former president of the school, had been sued due to irregularities in the university’s finances. He was accused of spending lavishly on himself and his family during a period when the school was more than $50 million in debt. Roberts prepared to respond with a countersuit, but his hand was stayed:

Roberts has previously said that God told him to deny the allegations. The week the lawsuit was filed, Richard Roberts said that God told him: “We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit … is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion.”

But don’t think old ORU is losing out:

On Wednesday, Roberts said God told him he would “do something supernatural for the university,” if he stepped down from the job he held at the 5,700-student school since 1993.
On Tuesday, the founder of a Christian office and education supply store chain pledged $70 million to help the university, provided it passed a 90-day review of the school’s finances. Oklahoma City businessman Mart Green, founder of the Mardel chain, offered to donate $8 million immediately.

Roberts still remains in charge of the Oral Roberts Evangelistic Association, which has commingled with the university since its inception. and many of the students and faculty believe that this union led to the discrepancies, as the finances of the two entities were mingled and the leadership was unclear.

It is interesting how God had to throw in a little extra to get this guy out. I can totally see this guy haggling with Lord of Hosts, trying to get as much as he can out of the deal. And God is so desperate to save his rep, he would agree to practically anything. I mean, Abraham was ready to off his only son right then and there. He didn’t need any incentive to do it; God told him and that was that. This guy, he gets word form above, and he makes sure that he gets some bells and whistles for his troubles. Shrewd customer there.