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Yes it’s a kinda’ sad story, but I’m gonna’ make fun of it anyway
So 62-year-old Timothy J. Bowers was having trouble finding a steady job after the drug wholesaler he used to work for closed down. The only work he could find was little odd jobs which only paid the meager minimum-wage, and to Bowers’ mind, he wasn’t helped any by age discrimination. Looking ahead, he knew Social Security was waiting for him right around the corner. But what to do ‘til then? What to do?
Well, he came up with a financial plan. That plan? Rob a bank, of course. But get this - he wasn’t intending to live on the proceeds of the robbery. Nope - he immediately handed the stolen money to the bank guard and then waited around to be arrested. For you see, Mr. Bowers’ financial plan was to live on the taxpayer dime courtesy of the Hotel de Prison.
Bowers pled guilty to a robbery charge and told the judge that he thought a three-year sentence would work just dandy for him. So the judge hooked him up and Bowers will be living the high life for the next three years in the clink. Here’s hoping Bowers doesn’t get stuck with a Ryan O’Reily or Adebisi type as his cell mate - a shiv in the gullet may muck up his long-term stock portfolio.
