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What kind of perverts would stand idly by while a stranger rips the cover off his 9-iron and then serves a catered lunch?
And you thought your parents’ divorce was traumatizing.
In the latest twist to prolonged, agonizing custody battles, the parents of a 8-year-old boy — hanging on ever so tenuously to his delicate foreskin — have taken it to a new level, arguing in court over whether little Timmy’s penis should get the full-on scalp treatment. As reported in the Chicago Tribune, the boy’s mother is battling to give her son’s pee-pee a buzz-cut, which she argues is necessary to save the kid from balonitis — a frequent inflammation of the hang-low. Meanwhile, the father is fighting the good fight to save his son from what he calls “an unnecessary amputation” that could cause irreparable harm.
The unnamed parents, however, are not alone. “Inactivist” groups have also joined the fray, hoping for the court to go their way by breaking new ground and paving the way for Johnson Hoodies for everyone. Doctors on both sides are also testifying, one side arguing that circumcision is medically necessary to prevent infection, while the other position asserts that subjecting the kid to the knife can be painful and psychologically traumatizing.
I have to say, though, that if the mother’s case is successful, I hope the kid gets one helluva Briss. From what I understand, you can even get a train-ride party, where the Rabbi snips the kid’s pip and sticks him on a train, where the whole family can get drunk on wine while the little guy mourns his loss.
Shalom!
